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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Guilt About Not Being Able To Breastfeed
So I found out my milk is absolutely just not coming in properly. Long story short I am feeling like a failure about this. I just feel like I am not giving DS the best and that's all I've ever wanted to give him. To top it off I was asked last night if I was breast feeding and then when I said no the family friend asked why not and did I not know I was hurting my son. It's not a choice at this time and thanks for making me feel awful.
Has anyone else experienced this? I just would like to hear something positive today.
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Re: Guilt About Not Being Able To Breastfeed
My BFP Chart
I quit breastfeeding because I was in agonizing pain, which made me feel even more guilty because I kept convincing myself that I was being selfish. Anyway, the guilt subsided within a week. We still bond and cuddle. She's growing like a weed. I don't understand why people are so interested in how others are feeding their children. When people ask if I'm breastfeeding I always reply with a "nope, it didn't work out" and they leave it at that.
Don't feel guilty. As long as your LO is being fed and is healthy, that's all that matters.
I had similar experiences with my 3 yo and stopped BF early on. I felt guily about it for a long time and then I finally told myself a happy mom leads to a happy baby. She is as healthy as can be and the bond between us couldn't be stronger. As a mother, we make decisions all the time about what is best for our situation and our baby. A baby's gotta eat and if BF doesn't work out then FF is still a great option. The important thing is that you provide her with a love and that comes from your heart, not the breast or a bottle!
As far as comments from other people, I wish I could tell you there's a magic phrase to get them to shut up. If they ask I usually say something along the lines of "BF was my initial choice but it just didn't work out" and then I change the subject.
There are times when I still feel some guilt but when i look at it rationally, I know that I made the best decision for us.
GL!
Melissa
I had a similar experience...DD would not latch from the get-go and pumping alone never brought in enough milk to feed her. So I had to supplement with formula so she could gain weight and stay healthy. I consulted two separate LCs, tried nipple shields, rented a strong pump, sought advice from her pedi and tried in vain for several weeks to build my milk supply. It never worked. I finally had to stop and EFF, which made me feel horribly guilty and like a failure. I will say after 2 weeks of FF, I began to let go of these emotions and allowed myself to accept that I couldn't BF with DD. I now love bottle feeding her- we get to gaze at each other and I know that she feels my love and devotion!
I'm so sorry that someone made you feel bad for your decision/circumstance. It's nobody's business and they don't have the right to question you! Just be confident in your love for your LO and know that you are a great mommy!!!
I breastfed in the beginning but then I had a surgery and had to be medicated and I did not pump and dump and now i lost my milk supply. I don't feel guilty, just a little bit sad, but I found good side to it: I went back to work and before, when I had milk I had to constantly wear a bra and line it up so that milk does not drip through. Now I don't have to anymore.
Just find a positive side to it. Besides, you are not hurting anyone and your friend is not too bright. You cannot let peoplebring you down, you know if you could, you would and that's all that matters. Maybe you should explain to your friend that it was not a matter of choice and i am sure she or he will be very simpathetic
I went through this same issue. Around day three my LO wanted to nurse constantly (like over an hour every 45 minutes or so) and was NEVER satisfied. The LC at the hospital had me try a nipple shield and supplement with forumla and even then she was not having enough diapers, so we had to up the supplement (all while I was pumping to try and get my milk to come in). My LO is a week old and I have finally given up the pumping and accepted my milk is just not coming in (I have a long family history of NO one being able to BF on top of my PCOS).
I cried the first two nights I was up with her for feedings the entire time I was giving her that bottle of formula.But now that I look at her and I know she is growing and getting big on the formula it helps ease the guilt some. At her first pedi appointment she was already past her birth weight (after losing more than her 10% in the hospital). We go back Monday and I am sure she has grown more and that eases the guilt. Also my DP has been wonderful. She held me through those first few nights and let me know it was okay and it did not make me a bad mommy because I could not feed my child (that is how I saw it).
As far as the other people go, I took it hard at first but then I started standing up for myself. Not many people understand that BFing cannot always be a "choice". Someone told me I was horrible for giving my baby formula, why didn't I BF her instead and I "politely" let her know if my boobs worked right I would be more than happy to give my baby breast milk but since they did not formula it is. I tend to take the sarcastic attitude when people attack without knowing circumstances...
Anyway that turned really long. The guilt will lessen over time (I still feel guilty) and as your LO grows. Good luck and know that you are doing what is best for your LO and that is what matters.
Oh man, we are in the same boat.
With my 3 year old, she just never latched, and I had no clue what I was doing, she screamed when we tried, I cried, she cried, etc...and we just went to formula. I felt guilty for probably a year. Now I know she's happy, healthy, and perfect and it didn't harm her a bit.
This time it was worse. LO loved to nurse, latched great, and it was going ok although I didn't have much milk and we supplemented a bit right away. She wasn't gaining weight so we had to start supplementing even more after her one week appt so she would gain weight. Then I got severe PPD/PPA and didn't nurse for a couple days, then was put on Xanax and told not to BF...once I tried to again, she was so used to the bottle she wouldn't take the breast. I pumped like crazy only to find I could only get a quarter ounce every two pumping sessions...and no matter what I did, I couldn't get my supply up. Not to mention I don't have all day to pump as I have another child to care for as well. LO is 9 weeks and I still feel awful, like I missed out on this amazing expereience, although I know in my head she is thriving.
It bothers me that formula is seen as something evil when in reality, it nourishes millions of children and I have not seen ANY difference in children I know that were formula fed vs. breastfed. It's no one's business how we feed our babies...and I hate the implication that we're not as good mothers.
Like PP said there isn't a magic phrase to make us feel better. Just know you are NOT alone in this, and that the guilt will lessen with time. Focus on how well the baby is doing on formula, focus on bonding while you feed him, and ignore the people who say things. You're the mom, and you are doign what is best!