Do you and your DH share the same philosophy on life?

one_more_girl · July 2010

DH just told me that he doesn't believe that there's only one person out there for everyone. I can say that it hurt but when I think about it I'm not sure he's completely wrong We were having a convo about how I believe that things happen for a reason and he said he has a hard time believing that himself. I am also more spiritual than him, but that has never been a point of contention in our relationship. Just wondering how common this is?! I have been married before and that was a complete bust, too young, didn't know my ex husband as well as I thought I did (he had some psychological problems that were not disclosed before marriage, and made a 360 once we got married). Anyhow I couldn't be happier with DH, it has been amazing to me how wonderful a marriage can actually be! We are on the same page with all of our goals and dreams in life, were a great team, best friends and we love eachother like crazy. He then realized I was bothered by his comment and proceeded to try to butter me up by saying that all others would never be able to live up to the standards I have set, blah blah blah, and that no one before me was ever as good......blah.

So it got me thinking....what are your thoughts on this and are they the same as your DH?

mkanderson85 · July 2010

I'm lurking, but I thought this post was pretty interesting.

I agree with your husband here that I don't think that there is only one person for everyone. It all really has to do with being at the right place at the right time. I think that I could probably be happy with a number of people, but DH came along and I fell in love. Had we not met at the point in time that we did, I may have fallen in love with someone else.

DH doesn't believe in the "everything happens for a reason" mess and he is completely anti organized religion. I agree somewhat with him. Overall, we have similar views, but not necessarily the same. We mesh well though and none of his views upset me and none of mine upset him.

Overall, I'm very happy that we met when we did and that he is my DH and not anyone else!

MrsSR · July 2010

My husband and I agree that there is NOT only one person out there for everyone. The world is a BIG place. It's hard to find people of the opposite sex that you are compatible with, but there can't just be one person.

As for "everything happening for a reason" DH and I do agree on this. But he and I are religious and know that God has things mapped out for us long before we even know.

gracelord121809 · July 2010

DH and I call each other our penguins since when penguins pick their mate they stay with them forever (i love the pawn and z quote). He also believes that things happen for a reason and honestly I only believe it from being with him because put simply the story of us getting togethor was a long complicated one of interesting circumstances starting when I was 14!!!! SO we agree on both of those but he claims he no longer notices the opposite sex and hasnt since he was in college.... I told him in all honesty I cant believe that I still notice if someone is attractive or not.... it makes me feel bad and I know he doesnt like it but its not like im checking people out Im just like that guys cute lol kind of like when you tell one of your guy friend that he looks nice ya know?

gracelord121809 · July 2010

O one thing I forgot everything to do with raising kids is diffrent. Actually we havent disagreed as much as when we talk about raising our son, we completely agreed on pregnancy care and our birth plan he even quit smoking with me when I found out I was pregnant for moral support (pregnancy was a huge surprise) but he was raised in the south and I was raised in the north so our upbringings as children were completely diffrent... he thinks a bb gun is apropriate for a 4yr old.... ill leave it at that

Allie30 · July 2010

rochella:
Yes. DH and I were both born and raised in the south. But DH hates, hates, hates sweet tea and even yankee plain ol' ice tea. Yet he loves hot tea. It really bothers me and I often try to force him to drink sweet tea or sneak it to him. But no dice. He still doesn't like it, no matter who makes it or how its made.

Honey, run now. This marriage is CLEARLY never going to last.

To the OP, I think it depends on what you consider to be a "philosophy on life." If the practice is the same (i.e. "we're so sympatico! so in love! can't imagine our lives without one another!") then what does it matter if you believe in soulmates or not? I wouldn't consider those thoughts to be a philosophy on life, but perhaps that's because I don't believe in it.

I relate that to other "philosophies" though. If my husband and I arrive at the same conclusion regarding our values and plans, it doesn't much matter to me that he got there by a different route. If i don't believe there is "one person" out there for me and he does, but we both believe that we want to spend the rest of our lives together, then that's the point. What happens if I get hit by a bus tomorrow? I wouldn't like to imagine him spending the rest of his life alone.

bstrangely · July 2010

Allie30:
.
I relate that to other "philosophies" though. If my husband and I arrive at the same conclusion regarding our values and plans, it doesn't much matter to me that he got there by a different route. If i don't believe there is "one person" out there for me and he does, but we both believe that we want to spend the rest of our lives together, then that's the point. What happens if I get hit by a bus tomorrow? I wouldn't like to imagine him spending the rest of his life alone.

definitely! dh and i joke about how long we'd have to mourn if something happened to one of us, but i honestly want him to be happy, even if i'm not around. when we were dating, we had pretty different political views, but they've grown closer over time. these days i'm just amused by our philosophical differences concerning things like maple syrup (he likes mrs buttersworth, i like real maple) and peanut butter (he likes skippy and i like the kind that's nothing but peanuts).

delg23 · July 2010

neither of us believes there is only one person for us out there. We have most of the same philosophies on life, but differ politically slightly on some issues. I think he expects that w/ anyone because he is pretty eccentric. I find his eccentric views amusing so it works out. When we first started getting to know each other I thought our political views were wildly different but when picked apart issue by issue we weren't that far off and we've grown to have more similar opinions. We're both up for debate so it works out really well and keeps us entertained.

ashleywebber · July 2010

My DH and I share the same views on the big things. We are both strong Bible-believing Christians, very Conservative Republicans, agree on all the political issues, were both raised with strong morals and values, agree on the way we spend/save money, have similar parenting styles, and overall just think the same way about things. Neither of us had to change to be similar. We were that way before we met. We have grown as a couple in what we believe. Our personalities are completely different though which is what makes us complement each other. I am really passionate and he is more laid back. I tend to be a worrier and over-thinker and he is more "it will all work out." It makes things fun, but sometimes it can make things frustrating (like when I want to get somewhere and he is taking the laid back approach).

As far as soulmates, we both believe that we were meant for each other and God orchestrated everything to put us together. If there was someone else for us, it won't matter as we are staying together.

tiggergirl0325 · July 2010

DH and I both share pretty similar philosophies on most things. Surprisingly we're even on pretty much the same page religiously-- even though I'm Brethren and he's Catholic, when it comes down to it, he isn't really on board with some of the things I question about Catholicism so we share most of the same philosophies there, especially on the big stuff.

I really am lucky to have found him (and he claims the same about me ) because we do tend to share so many of the same views on so many things. Spiritually, philosophically, politically, parenting-wise, etc--we've just meshed so well and I try not to take that for granted because I know that is totally the exception and not the rule when it comes to relationships.

shakes · July 2010

It's a good question. We agree on the big stuff for the most part and if not at least value and understand each others beliefs and reasoning. There's a few things we disagree on and a few things we agree to disagree on.

For example, whether or not the one person for everyone philosophy is true, we both do not believe in divorce (for the most part) and have an old school approach to marriage. Things change over time and I am sure we will revisit a lot of these kind of topics as we go on.

As long as you're generally on the same page and have the same goals, there's lots of room for difference of oppinion and discussion. None of us know the answers anyway, so it doesn't hurt to be able to disagree in a grown way.

Things still come up and opinions change, sometimes people are more honest about their deeper beliefs after they have been together a while. It happens and I think it's usually a good thing and you're both growing as people.

As it happens, we both agree 100% on my response to this post lol

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