Toddlers: 24 Months+
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Help! How to deal with a hitter.
Please help. DS started hitting several months ago. He hits DH and I when he's upset with us, he hits other kids for no reason, he hits our dog, the list goes on. I'm at a loss. He has a slight expressive speech delay and though preschool, which he started 6 weeks ago, has helped him use his words, he hits the kids there. I figured that hos newfound speech would help him express himself without using his hands. This is really getting old, and I'm so embarrassed and hate being the parent of 'that kid.' We've always addressed the hitting, explaining that it hurts and we don't hit. We've tried making a big deal out of soothing the victim, we've tried not overreacting, we've used a gentle but firm tone, also an angrier tone, and nothing seems to affect him.
He can be lovable, of course, but as his teachers say, he needs to figure out personal space. He apparently has a big bubble and does not appreciate kids reaching across him, etc. That's not to say he won't hug a friend or initiate hand holding on his own, he just likes to be in control.
I feel as though it's my fault because I've waited this long to start preschool with him and, as a SAHM, did not give him enough chances to learn social skills. We'd done weekly playdates and were always out and about, but I guess it wasn't enough...
Of you have or had a hitter on your hands, how did you get through it? Am I missing something? Any advice on how to get him through this? Sorry this is so long : (
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Re: Help! How to deal with a hitter.
Lily was a hitter for quite a while. We tried all the things you mentioned, but honestly it was just time that got her past that phase.
If his hitting is due to anger and he can't express himself otherwise, I wonder if it would help at all to teach him how to sign the emotions he's feeling? May be a stretch, but it's my best suggestion. Otherwise, I would say immediate time out for hitting while at home -- we do that now if Lily takes a swipe at one of us.
I know it's hard being the mom of "that kid." We had to leave library story time once after Lily tackled three little boys in a row. I was in tears I was so embarrassed and disappointed. It sucks.
My kid hits when he's angry, but luckily he only ever does it to DH or me. He's been going to preschool 2-3 days a week since September and they said he's never done anything like that there thank God.
I tried everything and was so upset about it until we found the consequence that works for him. I am definitely all about teaching kids alternative behaviors so that they know what IS acceptable behavior, and not just teaching them what NOT to do. Having said that, hitting is serious and IMO needs consequences. The only thing that works for my son is putting him in his crib and closing his bedroom door. This is a "time out" for my son and he HATES it. It took me a long time to find something that works for him, but this is it. We are at the point now where if he raises his hand to hit I warn him that he will have a time out with the door closed and he stops himself. I then work on the language part, teaching him what to say when he's angry. He even now asks for a break, which is going in his crib with the door open.
Anyhow, my point is that you need to figure out what is going to work for your kid. Most people on here can put their kid in a time out chair and that's all it takes. God do I wish it were that easy with DS! In addition to working on how to express himself, he also needs to know that hitting leads to something unpleasant, so that he will think twice the next time. It needs to matter to him. You'll know you've found something that works when you see the behavior diminishing.