Do you hold your toddler when they ask/demand to be held?

tina623 · July 2010

It just seemed natural to me to pick up my girls when they asked or cried to be picked up. I felt that they needed a cuddle or a hug or just some closeness. Today my coworkers daughter was laying at her feet (She 19 months I believe) and screaming. I asked her what she was throwing a tantrum for and she said "She wants me to pick her up." My coworker was just visiting. She wasn't busy. When I said just pick her up she said no because she didn't want her to be clingy. That just seems backwards. Wouldn't not picking up cause her to become more insecure and therefore clingy? I don't know why this is irritating me but it is.

EastCoastBride · July 2010

I don't get that either. I can see in certain situations where you need to say "no", but what you described, that does't seem like that kind of situation.

By and large - if DS wants to be picked up, I pick him up. He rarely wants to be held for all that long at a time anyhow!

futrkingsley · July 2010

If I can pick him up, I do. I don't believe that responding to his needs/requests makes him clingy.

I also on occassion have to say no, but I try to offer alternatives if what he needs is to be with or near me. Help me make dinner, come with me where I'm going, let me finish what I'm doing and I'll hold you, etc.

muppet.fan · July 2010

Elizabeth's younger than your coworker's LO, but nothing makes me happier than when she walks over and grabs my legs because she wants to be picked up. Normally as soon as I hug her, she wants back down and is off exploring again. Those moments are precious!

futureMrs.Eanes · July 2010

Yes, when Reagan wants to be held or cuddled I do it. Now if I am in the middle of something where my hands aren't free, she sometimes has to wait a minute or two until I can safely pick her up. But I cannot imagine letting her scream at my feet and not picking her up simply because I don't "want her to be clingy". I just don't understand the thought process behind withholding affection towards your children.

ABC-123 · July 2010

Yes, I pick up DS when he wants to be held too. We also have some 'friends' that we have seen refuse to pick up their child when she cried or wanted to be held and this was when she was less than 1 year old. They got the serious side eye from me and then I just picked her up.

charmcitygirl · July 2010

muppet.fan:
Elizabeth's younger than your coworker's LO, but nothing makes me happier than when she walks over and grabs my legs because she wants to be picked up. Normally as soon as I hug her, she wants back down and is off exploring again. Those moments are precious!

This exactly.

5Foot · July 2010

I've never even given it a thought not to pick her up when she wants it. Granted if I can't I tell her I'll be right with her, etc. but why withhold that? That just seems silly. And to top it off, if I was in an office setting and my child was throwing a tantrum because they want to be held, I'd make an exception. For Pete's sake, people are working. I can completely understand why you're bothered by that though!

RoxBride · July 2010

When DD wants picked up, we pick her up. But she's not all that demanding.

However, I had a niece who went through about 4 months of demanding to be picked up, all the time, just to push buttons. It was hard to explain, but, in certain circumstances, yeah, we didn't pick her up.

SeaSoul · July 2010

That's so sad to me. I would think it would go against a parent's instinct to not pick up your child when they are asking. And there's something to be said for instinct.

Yeah, I pick Cal up when he wants it, unless I am unable, in which case I explain that to him, and let him know that I'll pick him up as soon as I can.

gabbeyh · July 2010

I usually pick Eli up but can only hold him for a few minutes. He is literally almost half my height so it is difficult for me. The only time he really wants to be picked up is when he is feeling insecure so why wouldn't I? that just seems strange.

crystalgirl · July 2010

I do think kids can get used to being held and carried around too much. I've seen kids like that. It can really get out of hand.

That said, if we don't have a reason not to, we hold DS when he asks. Today though, I have to admit, DS asked to be picked up, and I said no. My only reason was that I'm pregnant and felt like I had been overdoing it today. But I usually offer an alternative like sitting on my lap, if I'm not busy trying to do something.

JillRock96 · July 2010

futureMrs.Eanes:
Yes, when Reagan wants to be held or cuddled I do it. Now if I am in the middle of something where my hands aren't free, she sometimes has to wait a minute or two until I can safely pick her up. But I cannot imagine letting her scream at my feet and not picking her up simply because I don't "want her to be clingy". I just don't understand the thought process behind withholding affection towards your children.

This.

But, Ava also wants to be picked up when she sees that I'm busy with something, especially when I'm cooking dinner (no idea why, but that is a big one) or when I am feeding one of the babies. I try to get her to help me do whatever I'm doing, but she usually throws a fit anyway. In that situation I offer her alternatives, and if she doesn't accept, then I just let her throw a fit. But if I CAN pick her up at the time, I do!

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