Tips for supporting DH tomorrow for SA

legaleagles · July 2010

Dh has his Semen analysis tomorrow - we live in San Jose and has to drop it off at the KP IVF center in Fremont - about 20 miles maybe - so anywhere from 25-45 minutes depending on 880 traffic. Our goal is to do it at home and then have him leave right away around 7:30 - but I don't know what the traffic will be like and I'm worried it will be more than 1 hour if we do that. The earliest he can go in is 8.

He's had a hard time with this whole thing - he's positive his guys are perfect - and I really really hope so because I know he wont do well knowing they aren't (and I do worry a bit b/c he's an avid cyclist and the doc said that can cause problems - not always, but sometimes).

I obviously can't do anything sexual for him since he has to be at least 2 days abstinent to do the test, but I feel like I should do something nice for him tonight - any thoughts? I'm thinking about dinner out, but the selfish part of me doesn't want to b/c I"m doing WW and we're gong to a wedding this weekend which involves cocktail hour on Friday, brunch on Saturday, wedding on Saturday evening AND brunch on Sunday so I need to save my points!

1krazykitty · July 2010

I think doing something special for him is a great idea. my DHw as also positive that his sperm were perfect. Oh, and we had his first SA done at kaiser, they didn't actually look at his sperm under a microscope...so I would adive to call the Dr and make sure they are going to do that. His Dr at kaiser told him is count was a little low but everything else looked great, that wasnt actaully true. It was like pulling teeth trying to get him to redo it!

greekwife05 · July 2010

DH has had two SA's done and neither time did we do anything special for it, other then just being supportive of him and trying to understand how stress it might be.

ETA: Dh got his own test results e-mailed to him through a system that Sutter uses. Then his doctor called him later that day.

Aubobbio · July 2010

In the days leading up to my husband doing his SA, I could tell he was nervous about it. I know him well enough to read him when he is "off" in some way. He wasn't going to have time to drop it off so I told him that I would take it to Kaiser for him.

My husband is a HUGE DORK. And the best way he got through it was making light of the whole thing because yes, it is weird and somewhat embarrassing. So when it was time for him to take care of it, he made jokes about it and told me to stay downstairs. He was really silly about it and I think that helped take some of the pressure off. I stuck the bag in my jacket, under my arm pit and hoped I didn't get in a car accident on the way there because HELLO! Could you imagine something happening with a bag full of sperm in your possession? Its kinda funny!

Also, I called to get the SA results and the nurse gave me them over the phone. She asked if I was going to tell DH the results and I said yes. She instructed me to be very, very careful with the way I explain the results to him. Guys have a lot of their ego wrapped around their testicles and if everything isn't perfect with them, they may feel very hurt by it. It was so true. I told him that his motility was a bit low and he did seem to be in denial a bit, especially because all of my tests were very normal.

So my long winded advice is, if at all possible, just have fun with it. Be silly about it. Try to take away the nerves if at all possible. And once it is done, its done!

abvernon · July 2010

legaleagles:
Dh has his Semen analysis tomorrow - we live in San Jose and has to drop it off at the KP IVF center in Fremont - about 20 miles maybe - so anywhere from 25-45 minutes depending on 880 traffic. Our goal is to do it at home and then have him leave right away around 7:30 - but I don't know what the traffic will be like and I'm worried it will be more than 1 hour if we do that. The earliest he can go in is 8.
He's had a hard time with this whole thing - he's positive his guys are perfect - and I really really hope so because I know he wont do well knowing they aren't (and I do worry a bit b/c he's an avid cyclist and the doc said that can cause problems - not always, but sometimes).
I obviously can't do anything sexual for him since he has to be at least 2 days abstinent to do the test, but I feel like I should do something nice for him tonight - any thoughts? I'm thinking about dinner out, but the selfish part of me doesn't want to b/c I"m doing WW and we're gong to a wedding this weekend which involves cocktail hour on Friday, brunch on Saturday, wedding on Saturday evening AND brunch on Sunday so I need to save my points!

If DH leaves by 7:30 from SJ, he will get there about 8...DH did his drop off on a Friday and he said traffic was not that bad.

My DH was in the same situation as your DH. We supported each other as it was the same day as I got my HSG so it was a long day for the both of us. We went out to our favorite sushi place and enjoyed each other's company.

LoLoPanda · July 2010

I don't remember J's SA all that much, but I remember bring very supportive even though he wasn't making it seem like he was worried, but I'm sure he was.

Is there a particular item he might want, kind of like a gift of appreciation? I'm sorry I'm not much help, but I do wish you luck tomorrow. I'm sure A is completely fine.

legaleagles · July 2010

FormerlyGood:
In the days leading up to my husband doing his SA, I could tell he was nervous about it. I know him well enough to read him when he is "off" in some way. He wasn't going to have time to drop it off so I told him that I would take it to Kaiser for him.

My husband is a HUGE DORK. And the best way he got through it was making light of the whole thing because yes, it is weird and somewhat embarrassing. So when it was time for him to take care of it, he made jokes about it and told me to stay downstairs. He was really silly about it and I think that helped take some of the pressure off. I stuck the bag in my jacket, under my arm pit and hoped I didn't get in a car accident on the way there because HELLO! Could you imagine something happening with a bag full of sperm in your possession? Its kinda funny!

Also, I called to get the SA results and the nurse gave me them over the phone. She asked if I was going to tell DH the results and I said yes. She instructed me to be very, very careful with the way I explain the results to him. Guys have a lot of their ego wrapped around their testicles and if everything isn't perfect with them, they may feel very hurt by it. It was so true. I told him that his motility was a bit low and he did seem to be in denial a bit, especially because all of my tests were very normal.

So my long winded advice is, if at all possible, just have fun with it. Be silly about it. Try to take away the nerves if at all possible. And once it is done, its done!

Thanks, M. I will suggest that maybe I should get the results - do you remember how long it took to get them? I'll offer to take it in as well - I know he's embarrassed about that - what guy walks into an IVF clinic without his wife? Only one dropping off his semen and I know that makes him uncomfortable.

And I'll help him tomorrow if he wants, though I actually think that might be harder since we wont be able to follow through (if you know what I mean).

legaleagles · July 2010

abvernon:
If DH leaves by 7:30 from SJ, he will get there about 8...DH did his drop off on a Friday and he said traffic was not that bad.
My DH was in the same situation as your DH. We supported each other as it was the same day as I got my HSG so it was a long day for the both of us. We went out to our favorite sushi place and enjoyed each other's company.

THanks! Glad to know the traffic shouldn't be that bad. I wish we could have a great weekend together, I mean we will, but we'll be surrounded by my high school girl friends who I don't see often so I know it will be hard to fully be with him this weekend and we leave at 1 to fly to OC.

Do you remember how long it took to get the results?

MelNDan05 · July 2010

I guess I'm the minority in the bunch. I basically told my DH that he needed to "man up" and do the damn test. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Is it a pain in the ass? Yes. But with every other single test I had to do, the least he could do was do this one simple thing.

DH did the test at home, stuck it under his arm and took it to the lab. The second time he had to have it done, was at the lab at Stanford. Not quite as nice as being at home, but he went in the room, got it done and walked out.

I guess that for me, this really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Like I said, I feel like they should just man up.

BlissfulGurl · July 2010

Got a bakery near you? You can always pick him up something small with a note about your appreciation, etc etc. That way it's something specific for him and you can have a bite or two;)

greekwife05 · July 2010

MelNDan05:
I guess I'm the minority in the bunch. I basically told my DH that he needed to "man up" and do the damn test. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Is it a pain in the ass? Yes. But with every other single test I had to do, the least he could do was do this one simple thing.
DH did the test at home, stuck it under his arm and took it to the lab. The second time he had to have it done, was at the lab at Stanford. Not quite as nice as being at home, but he went in the room, got it done and walked out.
I guess that for me, this really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Like I said, I feel like they should just man up.

This is what I was trying to say. I was supportive but after all I had been through I didn't see it as that big of deal. He's a grown man and sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to do and deal with things that mean your not perfect.

futrkingsley · July 2010

We had the same exact set up. I helped as much as possible with the actual donation and felt like a sex phone operator. But whatever. I carried in my bra while DH drove -- carpool baby!

He then drove me across the dumbarton bridge to work, and we got a ticket for not having fast track. Not so good.

We didn't get our results for about two weeks -- the doc insisted we get them in person at our previously scheduled consult to discuss all our results and make a plan. So we waited.

I have to say though that that first SA was the easiest donation by far. Later, when we did them monthly for all the ill-fated IUIs, it got really really bad. The pressure to perform was insane as there isn't a way to simple reschedule if you can't do it -- I was on meds and we needed to get it to the lab at a certain time to do my IUIs. The process didn't sit well with DH and we had some real difficulties getting through each of them. His counts and numbers were always fantastic with not a hint of issue on his end but it still was really really hard on him. So beware what might lie ahead and don't make promised now that you can't keep.

As for doing something for him, I wouldn't. It sets it up as if he is doing you a favor, and he isn't. He's doing something necessary in order to have a child with his wife.

Good luck!

legaleagles · July 2010

MelNDan05:
I guess I'm the minority in the bunch. I basically told my DH that he needed to "man up" and do the damn test. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Is it a pain in the ass? Yes. But with every other single test I had to do, the least he could do was do this one simple thing.

DH did the test at home, stuck it under his arm and took it to the lab. The second time he had to have it done, was at the lab at Stanford. Not quite as nice as being at home, but he went in the room, got it done and walked out.

I guess that for me, this really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Like I said, I feel like they should just man up.

I know and I've told him he has no choice - and it helped hearing it from the doctor to get why we need to do it now rather than 6 months down the line. I just want to make it as less of a PITA as possible. And he should man up and do it and he did make the call on his own to schedule the drop off with only one reminder from me. And he's getting better now that he realizes there are some problems with me (and hopefully it's just me), I'm just trying to be supportive.

ladipale · July 2010

I'm with MelnDan as well... dude, you just did that terrible glucose test, and all he has to do is something that is pleasurable? And he gets to do it at home? (John did his in the lab)

But I guess if he did something nice for you after your tests, etc, i would reciprocate. But its medical, and necessary, so I'm in the 'man up' camp.

legaleagles · July 2010

futrkingsley:
We had the same exact set up. I helped as much as possible with the actual donation and felt like a sex phone operator. But whatever. I carried in my bra while DH drove -- carpool baby!

He then drove me across the dumbarton bridge to work, and we got a ticket for not having fast track. Not so good.

We didn't get our results for about two weeks -- the doc insisted we get them in person at our previously scheduled consult to discuss all our results and make a plan. So we waited.

I have to say though that that first SA was the easiest donation by far. Later, when we did them monthly for all the ill-fated IUIs, it got really really bad. The pressure to perform was insane as there isn't a way to simple reschedule if you can't do it -- I was on meds and we needed to get it to the lab at a certain time to do my IUIs. The process didn't sit well with DH and we had some real difficulties getting through each of them. His counts and numbers were always fantastic with not a hint of issue on his end but it still was really really hard on him. So beware what might lie ahead and don't make promised now that you can't keep.

As for doing something for him, I wouldn't. It sets it up as if he is doing you a favor, and he isn't. He's doing something necessary in order to have a child with his wife.

Good luck!

Thank you for your advice and sharing your experience - I hadn't even thought about the pressure of having to do it monthly - we've pretty much been told we'll do IUIs unless his guys are perfect (and I'm pretty sure that hasn't registered w/ DH yet - though the first wont be until September due to traveling in August).

Going together is a great idea to take advantage of the carpool lane - and my coworker who had years of IF and finally had twins with IVF always carried the sample in her bra - perfect compartment for the container.

legaleagles · July 2010

ladipale:
I'm with MelnDan as well... dude, you just did that terrible glucose test, and all he has to do is something that is pleasurable? And he gets to do it at home? (John did his in the lab)
But I guess if he did something nice for you after your tests, etc, i would reciprocate. But its medical, and necessary, so I'm in the 'man up' camp.

Very true! And so far besides the blood work and the glucose test I haven't had anything too invasive yet - though I'm making him come to my first ultra sound (he told me when we left the RE that it couldn't be that bad - they just rub it on your stomach - he's so naive). And it is enjoyable for him and he gets to do it at home - it could be way worse.

greekwife05 · July 2010

legaleagles:
ladipale:
I'm with MelnDan as well... dude, you just did that terrible glucose test, and all he has to do is something that is pleasurable? And he gets to do it at home? (John did his in the lab)
But I guess if he did something nice for you after your tests, etc, i would reciprocate. But its medical, and necessary, so I'm in the 'man up' camp.

Very true! And so far besides the blood work and the glucose test I haven't had anything too invasive yet - though I'm making him come to my first ultra sound (he told me when we left the RE that it couldn't be that bad - they just rub it on your stomach - he's so naive). And it is enjoyable for him and he gets to do it at home - it could be way worse.

My first ultra sound was with the vag cam. Just letting you know!

abvernon · July 2010

legaleagles:
abvernon:
If DH leaves by 7:30 from SJ, he will get there about 8...DH did his drop off on a Friday and he said traffic was not that bad.
My DH was in the same situation as your DH. We supported each other as it was the same day as I got my HSG so it was a long day for the both of us. We went out to our favorite sushi place and enjoyed each other's company.
THanks! Glad to know the traffic shouldn't be that bad. I wish we could have a great weekend together, I mean we will, but we'll be surrounded by my high school girl friends who I don't see often so I know it will be hard to fully be with him this weekend and we leave at 1 to fly to OC.
Do you remember how long it took to get the results?

I think it took three days. He got a notification through his email about his results and he looked them up online and he had no idea what 1/2 the results of it meant so he did some of his own research to find out.

At first, I really wanted to know before him but since this is a sensitive issue for him, I let him know the results first and we talked about it.

I agree with M-once it is done, it is done.

Honestly, after getting the SA, it was a relief for the both of us as we knew the numbers and we were able to move forward with our TTC plan/journey.

You will have fun this weekend. Maybe make a point of spending some alone time for coffee or breakfast (if you can) while down there.

legaleagles · July 2010

greekwife05:
legaleagles:
ladipale:
I'm with MelnDan as well... dude, you just did that terrible glucose test, and all he has to do is something that is pleasurable? And he gets to do it at home? (John did his in the lab)
But I guess if he did something nice for you after your tests, etc, i would reciprocate. But its medical, and necessary, so I'm in the 'man up' camp.

Very true! And so far besides the blood work and the glucose test I haven't had anything too invasive yet - though I'm making him come to my first ultra sound (he told me when we left the RE that it couldn't be that bad - they just rub it on your stomach - he's so naive). And it is enjoyable for him and he gets to do it at home - it could be way worse.
My first ultra sound was with the vag cam. Just letting you know!

Oh, I know that, he didn't though and was very surprised when I told him as much.

SJBride05 · July 2010

I remember the first one being the hardest on him (no pun intended.) By the time I got PG DH was a pro at it.

We figured out pretty early on that he needed his space, so I would leave for work early and he'd take care of business, drop-off and then meet me at the office. It worked for us...

I never did anything special for him, but I'd always ask him how things went and he would usually tell me some funny story about the RE office...like who was there and how many deposits were in the basket.

kittylove · July 2010

DH wasn't thrilled with the idea of a SA either but he knew I was getting the HSG inthe next month and had no leg to stand on. That said I did help with the donation and the night before we went out to our local porn store and got him a new magazine. I think both things helped.

legaleagles · July 2010

Thanks all - I knew this was the right place to ask and be told not to worry about it so much - I didn't want to ask on IF where I'm still new and don't know many people.

abvernon · July 2010

SJBride05:
, but I'd always ask him how things went and he would usually tell me some funny story about the RE office...like who was there and how many deposits were in the basket.

I think your DH and my DH are one in the same. He did this the last time he had drop off his "boys"

Aubobbio · July 2010

MelNDan05:

I guess I'm the minority in the bunch. I basically told my DH that he needed to "man up" and do the damn test. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Is it a pain in the ass? Yes. But with every other single test I had to do, the least he could do was do this one simple thing.

I guess that for me, this really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Like I said, I feel like they should just man up.

I said the same thing to my husband. I told him what I was going to have to go through for this process and his small deposit was NOTHING compared to the poking and proding I was having done to my body. And when we went in for my first appointment and he was in the room for my ultrasound, I think he understood. He didn't have to get a wand shoved up his woo-haa.

And then we made light of it and laughed.

Aubobbio · July 2010

ladipale:

I'm with MelnDan as well... dude, you just did that terrible glucose test, and all he has to do is something that is pleasurable? And he gets to do it at home? (John did his in the lab)

HA! I remember telling Chris "this is going to be the best morning ever, hello!! I'm forcing you to masturbate before you go to work. There is NO downside to that for you."

Aubobbio · July 2010

legaleagles:
Thanks all - I knew this was the right place to ask and be told not to worry about it so much - I didn't want to ask on IF where I'm still new and don't know many people.

The people on the IF board are so nice! I've posted stuff in the past and get really helpful friendly responses. They are a great resource!

Best of luck to you guys! I'll be hoping for the best!!!

abvernon · July 2010

legaleagles:
Thanks all - I knew this was the right place to ask and be told not to worry about it so much - I didn't want to ask on IF where I'm still new and don't know many people.

I go to the T-TTC board and they are great. I am glad we helped you out.

I am hoping we all get BFP's soon!

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