S/O Surrogacy (Sweetie's Article)

Mocha Girl · July 2010

What are your thoughts on the topic of surrogacy? The day after my D&C, my BFF IRL called me crying because she was so upset for me. She said that she knew DH and I would be great parents and that we deserve to have the big family that we've always wanted. Then she said "if it ever comes down to it, I will be your surrogate mother". At this point, I was bawling. I was mostly crying because I felt broken and thinking about the "what if it really comes down to that?!". So I was a little hurt at first, but I know she brought up this subject because she cares for me and she's just that good of a friend. I can't even imagine offering that to someone - I'm sure that's part of the reason why she was crying why she called, because I know she was afraid of hurting my feelings by bringing up the subject... I know she means well though - Love her!

So would you consider surrogacy? If so, would you want to use a stranger or would you use a friend if they offered?

KelinandKevin · July 2010

That's a good question. My BFF and I got pregnant the same week a year and a half ago. She now has a beautiful baby girl and she had to watch me go through my loss and it killed her. She told me that if I couldn't ever carry a child that she would for me. I just felt like it was a LOT to ask of her but if it came down to it I would consider that. I think that I might feel more comfortable actually hiring a surrogate (not baby-mamma style) than having a friend carry my child. I think it would be hard for her to look at the baby down the road knowing it grew inside of her. KWIM?

dandyelle · July 2010

We have had offers too- mostly from my husband's totally inept sisters who really just want the glory.

We decided a long time ago that it just would not be an option we would ever pursue. I can't imagine we would EVER be able to afford having a stranger do it. And I don't know that we could find anyone we know who would genuinely do it out of love for us.

Mocha Girl · July 2010

KelinandKevin:
I think that I might feel more comfortable actually hiring a surrogate (not baby-mamma style) than having a friend carry my child. I think it would be hard for her to look at the baby down the road knowing it grew inside of her. KWIM?

I agree, however, I would still use my friend because I know for sure that she would deff get the best prenatal care possible. With a stranger I would always worry about if she's taking her vitamins, eating healthy, not drinking or taking medications/drugs, etc.

CarrieLeigh84 · July 2010

My best friend has offered a few times. I love her for that. I would take her up on it if it ever came to that.

Pixiestx · July 2010

At one point, before my loss I considered it from the end of offering for my friend. She had a liver transplant and it could be dangerous for her to carry a baby. I had told her that I would do it for her. I was a perfect candidate since the whole bonding experience seems to work quite differently for me than for most women so my emotionally stunted growth would be an asset in that situation. Of course my view of pregnancy has changed greatly and I couldn't do it. It's fine though b/c they have an offer from her SIL.

For us, I don't think we would do it but if it came down to it I think it would have to be a friend/family memeber.

rjl07 · July 2010

I would probably consider a friend or family member. I think there are too many unknowns with a stranger for me to be comfortable regarding pre-natal care and the legal problems that could result from it.

ade2be · July 2010

I have had several people offer (including some that were "if I still had a ute, i would totally be a surrogate). LOL

I would consider it.....but I would want the surrogate to be a friend or family member. I just can't imagine having a complete stranger (who is essentally pregnant as her "job") carry my unborn baby. I just would think it would be weird.

SweetieD21 · July 2010

I really don't know. I would be incredibly touched if a friend offered that to us, and I think I would be more comfortable using someone I knew, rather than a stranger.

Orchard27 · July 2010

We are currently not willing to consider a surrogate. I don't know how far we will go with fertility treatments, but right now we plan to pursue adoption if I am unable to carry a baby.

butterfly843 · July 2010

I would consider it with a friend or family member. I don't think I could have a stranger be a surrogate for me.

KristysRedBarn · July 2010

We've talked about it a little and I don't think it's the right option for us, at least right now.

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