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Wishing a deceased friend "Happy Birthday"?

Daisy582Daisy582 member
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

We have a friend who passed away in February from lung and brain cancer. His FB page is still "active" with friends posting memorials and, today, birthday wishes. Every now and then I get a reminder from Facebook to "reconnect" with him. I am assuming his mom or other family member manages the page b/c "he" has recently accepted new friends. Would you post on a friend's page who has passed away? The memorials and pictures I understand. The birthday wishes are a little morbid to me.

Thoughts?

 ETA: I am not trying to belittle anyone who uses this type of rememberance to cope with their loss. This is the first time I have ever experienced a "sad Happy Birthday" and, thus, the reason for my post.

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Re: Wishing a deceased friend "Happy Birthday"?

  • Lizzerd13Lizzerd13 member
    That is really weird to me that someone is managing his FB page.  I would think that someone should have started a memorial "group" and that you could wish him a happy birthday and celebrate his life that way.  I would not post on his page.
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  • tigergreentigergreen

    A friend of ours died this past winter, and her family and boyfriend kept her FB page up. 

    I understood the reasoning behind it right after she died, because it was a nice place to keep the memorials and notes of condolence.  But the boyfriend occasionally posts on it with stuff like "I went to the such & such yesterday; you would have loved it," which kind of creeps me out.

    However, it's theirs to do with as they wish....I could see keeping it up to go back & look at the memorials, but maybe locking it so there wouldn't be any new additions? 

    I don't know...this is definitely a 'to each his own' type of thing.

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  • mandi7782mandi7782 member

    I know what you mean...my pastor's wife passed away and people still post on her page. 

    I agree about the birthday wishes, it's a bit strange.

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  • Daisy582Daisy582 member
    Just to give you and idea...here are some of the postings:

    * Happy Birthday! I miss you!

    * Thought about you a lot today! Happy Birthday!

    * I hope your birthday was everything you wanted! Miss you!

    * Happy Birthday! I heard your mom is taking you to the World's! Miss you everyday!


    I guess this is truly a personal choice but I don't think it is for me.
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  • MrsBeckOMrsBeckO member
    It may bring them some comfort to post things like that to his page. Everyone grieves and deals with loss differently. This is definitely a "to each their own" kind of situation where I think judgement should be withheld.
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  • Amber5103Amber5103 member

    imageDaisy582:
    Just to give you and idea...here are some of the postings:

    * Happy Birthday! I miss you!

    * Thought about you a lot today! Happy Birthday!

    * I hope your birthday was everything you wanted! Miss you!

    * Happy Birthday! I heard your mom is taking you to the World's! Miss you everyday!


    I guess this is truly a personal choice but I don't think it is for me.

     

    I think it sounds like the people who have posted believe in life after death.  To them he is celebrating his birthday today, but in heaven.

     

    And Ironically I have been thinking about this whole situation because DH's best friend passed away June 5th and his 30th birthday is Aug. 2nd.  I wasn't sure if I was going to post Happy Birthday cause yes it does sound kind of morbid to other people or just, Thinking of you today.

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  • Amber68WAmber68W
    I had a friend who died in a car crash on the way to Prom. We still post things on her profile, almost as if we're talking to her. It's a way of coping for us.
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  • groovygrlgroovygrl member

    Ditto others. If you don't feel comfortable then don't post but I bet that the family or whoever is managing it gets some comfort from it or they'd deactivate the acct.  I don't know that I'd wish someone a 'happy birthday' but I could totally see making a comment about how you're thinking of them today. 

    I emailed my dad a few times after he died. It was my way of getting some feelings & things out but of course no one checks the acct, I dont think my mom does, or at least she has never mentioned it.  

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  • cherrykatcherrykat
    About 8 years ago, a good friend of ours died in a car accident.  We set up a website for him so everyone can share pictures, write comments/messages and such.  It was a way for everyone to cope.  I don't think there's anything creepy about it.  We still remember his birthday each year.  
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  • thequeeenbeethequeeenbee member
    imagegroovygrl:

    Ditto others. If you don't feel comfortable then don't post but I bet that the family or whoever is managing it gets some comfort from it or they'd deactivate the acct.  I don't know that I'd wish someone a 'happy birthday' but I could totally see making a comment about how you're thinking of them today. 

    I emailed my dad a few times after he died. It was my way of getting some feelings & things out but of course no one checks the acct, I dont think my mom does, or at least she has never mentioned it.  

    I think that is increadibly sweet.

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