Lurker / Newbie with International Question
Good Morning Ladies.
First a little introduction. I am generally just a lurker (work it just a little too crazy most days), but decided to come out of the woodword today. Honestly, I am completely enjoying it over here as I feel there is so much hope on this board!!
Anyway... MH and I have been married for a little over 1.5 years and are currently discovering the fertility deck is stacked against us -- including PCOS, a blocked tube and MFI. Many of our IF discussions have turned to adoption because the goal is to grow a family... not necessarily just a baby. As many of you have suggested, I checked an adoption book out of the library and started researching agencies. Now I am completely overwhelmed, but excited to know that there are so many options!?!
We are talking about adopting a very young child (18mo - 24mo). Specifically, we are thinking that a Russian international adoption might be something we are interested in.
And now for the question. Do any of you have any experienecs with adopting a Russian child? What agency did you use? Did anyone investigate it and choose not to adopt through Russia? Why? Thanks for any information.
So that was more than one question. Like I said.. I am totally overwhelmed.
Re: Lurker / Newbie with International Question
Welcome!
My DH and I are still considering Russian adoption... however, things in Russia are in a state of flux right now, thanks to the crazy lady who put her 7-year-old adopted son on a plane to Moscow by himself. We've decided to wait a few months and see how things work out, including waiting to see what the terms are of a new Russian/American adoption treaty that is currently being negotiated.
There are a couple posters here who have either adopted a Russian child or are in process... Hopefully they'll chime in with some other advice.
Keep lurking and posting around here, but another forum that might be useful is FRUA -- chat.frua.org/chat_main.html . That forum is only for E. European adoptions. (But we want you here too!
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Congratulations!! I can remember being in those early stages making lots of decisions.....it's overwhelming but also super exciting!
I can't help so much with Russia.....but based on PP's comments, are you open to other countries? If so, what draws you to Russia. I know when we were looking at IA, I found that there were some great lesser known programs that fit our requirements.
Thanks for the info on the lesser known programs. I'll have to keep my eyes and ears open for that.
The proverty in Russian also makes us feel like we would be doing something to help a child as well. And we'd like to have a fairly large family, so the possibility of adopting a sibling group is also appealing. We'd like the apportunity to eventually adopt a little boy, which research indicates that Russia may have.
We are open to other countries, but limited by the fact (and I really truly hate to admit this) that MH would like have a more caucasian looking child. He may change his mind the more we dig into things, but he feels fairly strongly about it at this point.
As a person who likes plans, order and predictability, I don't know if I could go through a domestic infant adoption at this point. And I am not all the hung up on needing to have an newborn.
But you bring up a good point about the lady that returned the kid... that might add a lot of chaos to the process of adopting a little Russian.
Thanks again.
I am mom to a 5 year old Russian boy, who came home at 28 months. We loved our experience and would do it again. Things in Russia are a little on edge right now, but I doubt they will ever ban the US from adopting. I don't know though. We used EAC out of Strongsville, OH, and were very happy with the process from start to finish. In Russia, we had someone there every step of the way.
We chose Russia because my husband wanted a boy first, I didn't have a preference. My husband too was at the point in time of wanting a caucasian child and we had friends that had recently adopted a son from Russia. My husband also has a cousin who was adopted in the early 90's from Russia as well.
I just finished a book, The Boy From Baby House 10, about a boy with cerebral palsy, who was eventually adopted from Russia, but is it his experience/memories, coupled with experiences of a journalist's wife living in Russia and volunteering in the orphanage. I found it all to be true in regards to the adoption process, etc, and it also talks about how the children were treated, caregivers and how the children and caregivers are not allowed to get attached, etc. It helped us to understand some of his history which helps with some of his feelings of rejection.
Let me know what else you need to know, PM me or email me at schammond @ hotmail dot com . Hope this helps!
Right now, things are still up in the air, although there are people still in process who are getting referrals and court dates. My DH and I decided to wait until the treaty is signed to see how the process will change. Reports on the treaty indicate that there are some points still being negotiated, but both sides are saying they think a treaty will be concluded sometime in the next few months. So we shall see.
BenandSuzy mentioned the Boy from Baby House 10, and I second that recommendation. It's a heartbreaking, amazing book, and it's one of the reasons that we are so drawn to adoption from Russia.
If you have any questions, feel free to PM me and I can tell you about the agencies that we are considering etc.
I don't have any advice on Russian adoption, since we are adopting from Korea, but I wanted to welcome you and wish you luck on your journey. The process can be overwhelming at times, but I found it to be much easier by taking things one step at a time.
Best wishes!
Just wanted to chime in on this... please don't ever feel bad or make anyone else try to make you feel bad about knowing what you want. This will be your child and its only fair (to you and your future child) to make sure that you get the child that you guys wanted. I had one agency imply that should be open to more races and situations--- I was tempted to bend as it was a less expensive agency with good reviews but I just know that my DH and should get the child we both feel comfortable about... Good luck!
FWIW-
When we looked at IA programs, we considered a small program through Hopscotch Adoptions w/Armenia. Children are Caucasian but dark features.
We also looked at Kyrgygstan. Not sure what things are like w/Kyrg programs right now but it was a good option. Children ranged in ethnicity from very light featured Caucasian to Asian. The information we were given is that most kids were mixed ethnicity. Beautiful kids!
Hi There! I'll also be PM'ing you.
I just returned from my first trip to Russia to meet my child and I am in the process of waiting for a court date. (Trip 2). So, YES, things are still moving in Russia, and dates and referrals are still being given.
Definitely joining FRUA- great information and the people are WONDERFUL!!
I will tell you this - Adopting from Russia is HARD. HARD HARD HARD. The amount of time and paperwork is exhausting, the red tape is insane, the travel hard, and you will really need to look DEEP into yourself. Many of the children have FAS or FAE, and medical conditions, attachment disorders, etc. We had to decline a referral a few months back for a child with what will most likely be severe issues. It is very hard to make those decisions and I fear that she may never find a home, but you will need to have a grasp on what you and your DH are willing to handle.
Good luck and as I said I am PMing you.
For those that chose IA, how did you come to that decision? And how/why did you pick your country of choice?
Thanks a realistic view of the situation. I think that is what I was looking to hear.
That is so exciting to hear that you just got back!!! Have you been to Russian previously? What did you think? Do they have resources to have you identify children with FAS or FAE?
Sorry for all the questions...
Hey- just sent you like a 3 page PM
DH and I wanted to do IA to give a child a better chance tha would not have been able to have it in an orphanage, While my LO is taken care of on a very BASIC level (food, shelter, clothing) there is no nurturing with 1 caregiver for every 5 plus babies. It was a choice we had discussed previously in our relationship.
We picked Russia for a few reasons. 1. The length of the trips- we could not be gone for a month plus and the 3 short trips suited us, with DD. 2. We wanted them close in age but if you have an LO home already they MUST stay in birth order (i.e. the LO you adopt cannot be older than the LO at home). 3. Marriage length requirements- some countries want you to be married at least 4, 5 years before adopting. DH and I have been married 2.5
With regards to FAS/FAE there are markers but many times it is not detectable or diagnosed until the child is school aged. However, any good IA doctor (U of Washington or U of Minnesota) will have you take pics of your referral on your first trip (prior to signing the letter of intent to adopt) and have you place small round stickers (think little Avery sticker labels from Staples) in the middle of the LO's forhead. Once you email them back to the dr. (they are on call for you while in country) they will put the pic into a computer program and assess the risk involved.
Obviously, it is not 100%, but it is a great help. Plus, some regions in Russia allow you to have a Westernized doctor see the child and evaluate him/her prior to you even going over.