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s/o guardians - wwyd?

EcoBabyEcoBaby
in Attachment Parenting

Okay - this is totally a subject we have procrastinated on because we just don't know what to do.

DH and I both agreed that we would want my mom to raise DS if something were to happen to us. She is really close to him, she would raise him like her own, she's played a large part in my niece's and nephew's lives, she would always be fair to him, etc.

BUT... (and this is a big but)

She is not financially stable right now. I think she will be in a few years, but she's not right now.

That said, she would never end up in a homeless shelter or anything like that. We have a really strong family support system. She has friends/family that would provide a home for her, etc. if it were to come to that (not that it would, but just a worst case scenario).

So, taking that into consideration, we thought that maybe we should leave DS to our family friends who currently babysit for us. They are practically like second parents to us. They've gone above and beyond for us. They babysit for us. They hosted our wedding. We spend every holiday/birthday together. We vacation together, etc. etc. They would be fair to DS, they love him like their own grandchild, etc. They ARE financially stable. The wife stays at home and would be able to care for him.

They would be the ideal people, but I still feel pretty strongly that he should go to my mom. I am pretty sure this is an emotional, and not a rational, decision. However, DH does agree with me.

However, this couple would without a doubt help out my mom financially, especially if she had custody of DS.

And I think I've been procrastinating because I know my mom (and my sister) would be devastated if we didn't choose either of them to raise DS.

But, my bigger concern is that if we don't have something in writing, the court would send DS to his paternal grandparents who live in another state and have a questionable marriage (well, I question it anyways - I have no idea what the reality is). He barely knows them.

Could we write like our first and second choices for custody in the will? What would you do or did you do if you were in a similar situation?

 

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Re: s/o guardians - wwyd?

  • sunnyday016sunnyday016 member
    I don't see why it would be a problem to put your first and second choices down in the will. I'm sure you can be comforted that either way, your DS would be totally loved and provided for.
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  • vegandyvegandy
    FWIW, when we revised our will we really struggled between two guardians and our lawyer told us that in the case that we both are deceased and it comes into effect, the court will still look over your choice and can over rule it.  Therefor if your mother was not financially stable still at the time, they may chose another guardian.  Just something to think about.  We also set up a trust for him & revised our life insurance so we know he will be taken care of.
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  • MissyOlivePantsMissyOlivePants
    And just a note... your LO will receive social security benefits until 18yo if you &/or your DH were to die.
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  • EcoBabyEcoBaby

    Thanks! These are all really good points. And that is a good point about SS benefits. I never thought about all of that.

    That is interesting about a trust too - I've never thought about that either.

    This is all good motivation to get this done.

     

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  • ACRACR
    You may want to have some life insurance too, so that you know whoever has LO would have ample means to care for him.
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  • d.cubedd.cubed

    We are just starting our will.  My DH is an attorney, so he's taking care of all of that.  We are in the situation where we do NOT want my parents getting custody.  However, without a will, my dad would probably, by default, get custody because 1.  He is a grandparent 2.  He lives in the same state, 3.  He is very financially stable.  

    We would like my sister to get custody, so we are being very clear about that.  We are also providing a trust fund so that there's no question about financial stability (although my sister is very financially stable).  

    The court, at least here in CA, is big on financial stability and proximity, so that could be a problem for your mom unless you provide a financial remedy.     

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