Still hurt...(vent)
DD's bday party was on 18 July. I invited BM of SS#2 to come with her other 2 kids in an attempt to "make peace". She came and when they walked in SS didn't say a word to me - all day was the same. When they were leaving, I literally had to beg him for a hug and he still didn't want to give me one. I'm really hurt and it's been bugging me since b/c normally, he is very affectionate towards me. What gives? Is it b/c BM was there? That's never usually an issue...
Since the party, we've had family visiting and my step-mother introduced him as my son (not step-son). He was vey quick to correct her that I'm his STEPMOM and he already has a real mom. I'm not trying to replace his mother so that's not what's bugging me, but this is all very out of character for him and I'm not sure what's going on. I'm just really hurt that he's behaving this way towards me..
Vent over. Thanks!
Re: Still hurt...(vent)
Yes, most likely he was being cold to you as to not hurt his mom's feelings. It is totally normal behavior. Welcome to a blended family. Kids get stuck in the middle no matter how hard we try to prevent it.
And he is in fact your stepson. He clarified that, because he wants to make sure that his Mom's role is secure.
This made me curious. Do you usually introduce him as your son? and what is the custody situation? How long have you been his SM? How is your relationship with BM? All these things come into play in a situation like this.
The "being cold" had nothing to do with you and everything to do with wanting to show loyalty to mom. It's normal, and will likely happen in the future. Step parents need to have thicker skin, IMO. You'll get used to it.
This made me curious. Do you usually introduce him as your son? and what is the custody situation? How long have you been his SM? How is your relationship with BM? All these things come into play in a situation like this.
The "being cold" had nothing to do with you and everything to do with wanting to show loyalty to mom. It's normal, and will likely happen in the future. Step parents need to have thicker skin, IMO. You'll get used to it.
I usually introduce both SSs as my stepsons, but there have been a few instances where people have referred to me as their mom (casually). We have him every other week, Friday to Friday. DH and I have been married for 3 years and together for 1 year before that. Relationship with BM was awful to begin with but has since improved a lot - we speak and she has come over a few times.
I understand him wanting to be loyal to BM but he has never behaved this way before, even with her around.
Eh, chalk it up to him being 8 and that kids go through these phases. It would not surprise me either if maybe a friend of his has parents going through a divorce and they were talking and these kinds of things came up. It may be a case of friend said my mom said that I can't be nice to SM because she is not my real my mom,or something like that. But really who knows, there are three thousand million reasons that he may have behaved that way. But in the end, he was trying to show loyalty to his mom, and really you can't fault and 8 yo for that.
Thanks. I will definitely talk to him if it happens again.
He's 5 by the way, not 8 - not sure how that got confused.