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TTC After a Loss 6 Months+
CarrieLeigh84
member
IHO "The comment",,,
CarrieLeigh84
member
Let's make a just for fun list of what NOT to do on this board. For example..
- Don't post a BFP after 8 posts
- Don't say "Relax! It'll happen!"
- Don't say " Obviously, any baby born that early will have significant health issues, but it is still good to be in the "worthy of saving" category"
Your turn!
Stillbirth at 23w6d on Sept, 22, 2008
M/C at 5 weeks June 14, 2010
My miracle, James Frederick born May 2, 2011 via C-section
This discussion has been closed.
Re: IHO "The comment",,,
"Your experience is my worst nightmare."
That was my favorite.
My Blog
Crap, that one was classic.
- Do not tell me 'it was for the best' for any reason
- Do not tell me 'it's not on your time, it's on God's time'
- Do not look at me like I'm some kind of leper (this is more IRL than on the board, but you can feel it sometimes even in a post)
- Add on to Carrie's BFP after 8 posts - Do not say 'we're sensitive or bitter' when you get flamed for posting said BFP aftetr 8 post
Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
~ ~ ~
Formerly toddandjulie
Do not say: "At least you know you can get pregnant."
Do not say: "But it was so early, you can't be THAT upset about it."
It still makes me giggle-sneer.
Because what are you supposed to say? "Oh! Thanks. Yeah, I'm a total nightmare. . . BUT so-and-so is worse than me, you know SHE's had X miscarriages."
My Blog
I had a friend that had a m/c at 6wks. Was completely unphased by it, it doesn't bother her at all. She even said she didn't see the point in crying over it. I didn't even know what to say to her after that! Unbelievable.
Someone said that?!?!?
I'd add the use of the word "karma" to this list. As in, don't imply in any way, shape, or form that someone had this coming.
Oh, and don't tattle on us to another board.
My MIL said this after my last miscarriage. (In all fairness, she didn't say it directly to me - she said it to her sister about me, I just overheard.) Apparently, at 7+ weeks, it was far too early for me to be upset about it. I mean, I'd only known about the baby for a month - that's definitely not enough time to get attached or anything. ::eyeroll::
how bouts the newbs...
"We've been trying for 2 whole months now and I'm about ready to give up TTCAL....why is it taking so long, the first time it was so easy and unplanned"
Biatches we have ladies on yeaaaaaaaaaaaaars after a loss so have your pity party elsewhere!
Okay...I just found the comment. Wow. That really troubles me.
You know what really frosts my cookies? When someone makes an @sshat comment about how horrible and bitter and crazy we are (usually on another board) and then, when called out, immediately follows up with the inevitable "You don't know MY story! I've had eleventy m/cs and they didn't bother me at all."
It's like when you accuse someone of being a racist and they say "I'm not a racist! I have a friend who is __________ (insert race/ethnicity)."
Drives me nuts.
I so agree!
I also hate it when someone says "how do you know I haven't had losses?" And then when questioned, they admit they haven't. So why would you even say that?
The reason we assume is because it's pretty obvious by comments made that someone has never gone through this.
- re: C/P - that doesn't even count, because if you weren't testing so early you wouldn't even have known.
- my friend/cousin/SIL/whoever did IVF 5 times and now is pregnant with twins so it will definitely happen for you too.
- everyone gets pregnant after an HSG
***All 3 of these were from the same person who actually did have a loss.
Also, don't do 5 different posts about your bfp - Can you see a line? When should I test again? Ok tested again it's positive. I'm not leaving because I love you all so much and I'm not ready to go to pgal. Ok - we get it you're pregnant, enough already.
OMG this. One post is enough. (Unless it's you ladies - I want to see LOTS of BFP posts from 6+'ers
)
Of course - none of these actually apply to us.
"Don't you think it's time to move on?"
I love it when people tell me how to greive. Love it.
Loving this thread, ladies. Hating that we've all had to hear these things so many times in the last 6+ months
Will someone please get us all out of here already???
Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11
<a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view
I despise this one. It basically means "Oh, maybe adoption will solve this baby problem you're having." As if adoption was a means to an end for the "real" problem...
Ugh.
And the opposite is the P&R people who tell us if we just keep trying and believe and pray and hope and light candles and maybe throw in a little Santeria, it'll work one day. No, really, there will be a point where I deem further effort to be nothing more than masochism and decide to move on and find something else to focus my attention on. Don't fvcking tell me it'll happen one day if I just keep on trying.
Also, I loved this one from a friend "This is probably really hard since your DH isn't open to adoption." Yes, friend, that's what's hard about it. 4 miscarriages isn't hard. Feeling like every pg will always end in miscarriage isn't hard. But my husband's resistance to an option we're not even considering yet, that's the hard part.
Honestly this bothers me a bit b/c I hate it that some people judge if you aren't upset enough just like they judge if you seem too upset (whatever that is). I don't want to feel like I have to grieve in a certain way to satisfy someone else's standards.
Mom to Teagan 4.11.07 and Cora 9.30.11
D&E @ 22w 9.30.09 CMV infection BFP 10.15.10 C/P 4w4d
Don't call the +6 group bitter, post 11 billion posts on TTCAL about the same fvcking thing, and then blithely come over here and say "I'm joining you."
No you are not. Go piss in another boards Cheerios.
- Don't say "I know exactly how you feel, I had a scare with my DD at 8 weeks because I spotted for a day".
Lets see, you left the hospital with your baby. I left the hospital without my baby and without my left tube! Yeah, that's the same.
- Don't post on the loss boards to offer your encouragement if you've never had a loss
- Don't do a PSA stating that everyone need to stop posting about losses because its making them sad
Everyone has already covered so many of them, but I heard this one IRL at my latest m/c follow up.
"I'm sorry you're going through this. You know, some people are meant to be mommies and some just arent'."
WTF, nurse I hate you.
Yes, maybe I'm judging her, but I know her so well that I know she wasn't just acting a certain way to hide her true feelings. I know she truly wasn't all that affected by it. That is what bothered me.
I had a friend who felt the same way about her 2nd m/c. Her marriage was not in a good place and her birth control failed. The thing is as long as that person doesn't expect anyone else to feel the way she does, what's the harm in it? It doesn't make her a bad person, not everyone has the same emotional responses to every situation. If she started saying something to you like that was the only way to feel about it, that's a different story, but otherwise I think she should get to feel the way she does without consequence the exact way someone who is very upset is entitled to do so. That's all.
Mom to Teagan 4.11.07 and Cora 9.30.11
D&E @ 22w 9.30.09 CMV infection BFP 10.15.10 C/P 4w4d
I agree so much with Pixie here. Both ways, it's unfair to judge someone for having X amount of emotional distress over their miscarriage, whether you think they have too much or too little.
Wonder who this was...
I Would Have Killlllled Her.
I got one!
Don't try to tell me that since I'm so busy with starting my new job next week, it should take the sting out of my m/c last week. Um, yeah...because a new job TOTALLY equals having another baby.
::headdesk::
FTR: This didn't happen here. My aunt told me this last week after she overheard me tell my mom about my recent m/c.
I loved how my own father said this, after I told him I didn't feel like going to his new year's party where they had my step-sister's (who is barely 18) baby because the young "mother" wanted to go out and party, even though the baby was just 2 weeks old:
"What do you mean you don't want to come? What do you do when you see a baby in the grocery store or something - run screaming in the other direction?" (said with a condescending smirk, of course) "Don't you think it's time you got over it?"
This was two weeks after my D&C. I was too furious to tell him that I didn't run screaming, I rushed crying. And he obviously didn't think I should still be upset a whopping two weeks after my baby was taken... I don't think I've ever forgiven him for that.
I'm actually curious....must have missed this one. Someone PM it to me. Now for my list.....
1) Good thing you've already got DS
2) "Maybe you guys just ned to relax....go out & get drunk or something". Yes, a real quote.
3) "Everything happens for a reason"