Is this strange? (SIL & friend births mentioned)

Re: Is this strange? (SIL & friend births mentioned)

• ERICA21779

  July 2010

  Having been in similar situations I think I understand the "why" of it.......Your friend has gone thru some really rough stuff and finally has her take home baby and knowing and experiencing what all that stuff is like I think that's why you can be happy for your friend and not begrudge her happiness..............It sounds like your sil's experience is quite the opposite (if I'm understanding correctly)........that's where the resentment comes in.....it's only natural and I hope when you feel up to visiting your new nephew it is a positive experience.((((hugs)))))

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• rjl07

  July 2010

  Nope not strange at all.  There are some people that I am thrilled for and others that I just can't deal with at all.  If I know they had m/c's or IF then I'm much more likely to be happy for them.  I'm a bad friend like that.

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• michrocc member

  July 2010

  I don't think there's anything wrong with you, and I've experienced the same thing.  I could not handle my SIL having hers.  No particular reason why - I mean, she's a great girl.  Perhaps it was because this was her third and it was, like her other two, an "oops?"  Perhaps it was because we were pg at the same time?  Perhaps I got sad listening to everyone else moon over the new baby (which is their right, I realize, and under any other circumstance I would be doing it, too)?

  With other people, though, I've been able to be thrilled for them and not feel that sadness.  I believe a co-worker is pg (she hasn't told me, but I just "know," kwim?) and, when she finally does tell me, I'll be so happy for her.  This is someone who had a late loss a while back and is such a wonderful person and very supportive. 

  Don't feel bad, Jen.  We've been there.  You're not a bad person. 

   

  :::::::::::hugs::::::::::::

  BFP#1 10/19/09, m/c 12/5/09, BFP#2 2/03/12, m/c 2/12/12, BFP#3 3/18/13, LO born 11/22/13

  
  

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• Pixiestx

  July 2010

  Sometimes I find myself doing the same thing. I just can't get really excited about some people having babies, but my one close friend getting pg was a huge deal and I was so happy for her.  I try to remind myself that anyone who has had an easy time of it didn't get to chose that for themselves or this situation for me, sometimes that works sometimes I can still barely squeek out a congratulations. 

  Brenna Married 4.30.05

  Mom to Teagan 4.11.07 and Cora 9.30.11

  

  

  D&E @ 22w 9.30.09 CMV infection BFP 10.15.10 C/P 4w4d

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• jdeats71

  July 2010

  I realize I can empathize with my girlfriend and that's why I'm so happy for her.  I just feel bad because my SIL is the sweetest person and has never been anything but nice to me.  And she was dreading telling me she was pg because she knew about our loss. 

  I'll get over it and will be able visit the baby soon.....but just not this weekend. 

  I just hate this bitterness I feel.......it's really not me at all.

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• bbhalphen member

  July 2010

  (((hugs))) Something similar happened to me and I felt the same way.  I was ashamed to feel bitter because the girl was so nice but we've been through a lot and I guess that's normal. 

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• SweetieD21 member

  July 2010

  I totally understand where you're coming from and what you're feeling.  I don't have any family that is pregnant or has a new baby...I'm the oldest of my siblings and cousins.  But, I have felt extreme jealousy and resentment towards people that I know who have gotten pregnant sooo easily (i.e. first cycle off of bc), but am over the moon excited when two of my good friends got pregnant through IVF, after several years of struggling with infertility. 

  Absolutely nothing is wrong with you.  The emotions you're feeling are completely normal, and justified.

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• dondraandluis member

  July 2010

  Not strange at all. I tend to be happier for people who have had a loss than someone who is on their 3rd easily.

  TTC Since Oct 08 BFP #1- 1/23/09, missed m/c 2/26/09 BFP #2- 9/8/09, natural m/c 9/16/09 BFP #3- 4/13/10, missed m/c 5/26/10 BFP #4- 4/6/11 beta#1 at 12dpo-133 prog-55.7, beta#2 at 16dpo- 861 DD born 12/8/2011 BFP#5- 11/23/12 EDD 7/25/13 Dx- Uterine septum (removed Aug 2010), endo, MTHFR C677t hetero, Factor II hetero, Low Protein S

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• butterfly843

  July 2010

  Not strange at all, I am the same way.

  Jenn

  3 IUI's all BFN

  IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

  Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

  BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

  Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

  my blog

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