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SS over weight- how to approach BM?

MarSamWhitneyMarSamWhitney member
in Blended Families

For the past 3 years, SS,(12)  has really put the pounds on, (5 foot 2, 168 pounds) and I cringe that his man boobs are bigger than mine.  He is here for the summers, and every other weekend, so we do what we can.  I am very active, and he is not, but I drag him along on bike rides, swimming in our pool, walking the dogs, etc.. 5 days a week-ish.  We eat junk in moderation,  but I encourage water and milk over pop, and fruit instead of chips. 

I feel like I'm really trying (DH works nights, I spend a lot of time w/ SS), but today at the Dr.'s office for his school physical, the doctor pulled me aside to express his concern.

SS says they eat fast food daily, lots of pop, and sitting in front of the tv.  Is there a way I can approach this with BM so that it does not come off as condesending?  I suppose I can say that I took SS to dr.s today, and doctors expressed more concern, can we get on the same page? I hate to think of being teased let alone having health problems.

I just feel like summer after summer all of my efforts are wasted when he goes back to BM's.



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Re: SS over weight- how to approach BM?

  • DREWLILYDREWLILY
    I think your DH should discuss this with the BM, not you. He should let her know what the Dr said about SS's weight and his concerns. Ultimately, it's up to BM to provide better meals and help SS be more active when he's at her house, but it might help if DH lets her know the Dr had some concerns about SS's health.
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    I don't think you should say anything. Your H, sure.. he can say that he's concerned. But I don't think it's really your place to talk to his mom unless you guys have a pretty friendly relationship.

    You guys (especially your H) should encourage sports and other more active hobbies and interests. Maybe you guys could teach him how to make a couple quick, easy meals and cultivate an interest in eating more healthfully.

     

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  • SUwifeSUwife
    Wow, I'm amazed you've managed to be active at 13 weeks pregnant! I was lying down and puking that whole time. SD was never overweight, but also always eating fastfood with BM. At first it was a hard transition for all of us to get her to eat homemade food (besides health concerns, we couldn't afford to eat out and fastfood). But after a 6 month spell of it, and a few more of her visits she started really liking it. And then she was asking her mom to cook at home more! Sure it's jar sauce, but hey BM's Irish :) ANd she still has fastfood more there than here, but just the start of a change, based on SD pressure was great.
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  • KyahKyah member

    As others said, your DH should be the one to talk to her. What she does with it is up to her, there is not much you can do other than try to be a positive influence on your SS.

    My SS is also overweight.  BM has battled weight issues most of her life. She would never be receptive to such a conversation even from DH.  She blames us for his weight (for everything really) because she claims to only feeds him healthy foods and we feed him junk. In reality, we eat junk food in moderation and encourage healthy foods. I cook most days out of the week, and SS will eat healthy meals including fruits and vegetables. I never comment on his weight, he has enough insecurity about it and he gets teased at school. We discuss the benefits of eating healthy and eating sweets and chips are ok in moderation or as a treat. We encourage him to play outside and make him turn off the TV or games. We go on family bike rides, walks etc. My hope is that our example may have a lasting impact on him as he gets older.

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Ditto the above, you cannot say anything but your DH can.  But it needs to be worded well or it will never have a chance.  I would have him tell her about the doc appointment and ask her for her input for helping SS get healthier.  I would also make a point that YOU never mention his weight, he is likely being teased already and does not need it from his healthy SM, and food can already be his comfort for the teasing.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • MarSamWhitneyMarSamWhitney member

    imageSUwife:
    Wow, I'm amazed you've managed to be active at 13 weeks pregnant! I was lying down and puking that whole time. SD was never overweight, but also always eating fastfood with BM. At first it was a hard transition for all of us to get her to eat homemade food (besides health concerns, we couldn't afford to eat out and fastfood). But after a 6 month spell of it, and a few more of her visits she started really liking it. And then she was asking her mom to cook at home more! Sure it's jar sauce, but hey BM's Irish :) ANd she still has fastfood more there than here, but just the start of a change, based on SD pressure was great.

     

    LOL, I was puking week six through week 10, finally back to my old self, just feeling pretty fat myself! LOL

    To the other posters, thank you for the advice.  You are right DH should talk to BM and possibly approach it as he is asking for suggestions.  BM communicates a lot with me, because DH works so many hours and can be hard to get ahold of.

    To clarify, i have never ever said to SS to his face that he is over weight. I do try to encourage him to make healthy choices and get off the couch.  Saying things like "Come on, lets go for a bike ride, we need to be healthy!" I try to play it off like that. 

    Thanks for the advice, seems like with the concensus, i have a clearer picture of what to do now.



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