How involved is your DH with the planning for baby?

watermellens · July 2010

We just found out that we're having a little boy and we're both over the moon excited. I've been doing research for weeks/months about car seats, pack n plays, strollers, etc. Now that we know the gender I'm moving onto nursery decor. I'm sure this isn't the most exciting thing for husbands to think about...or is it?? Are any other hubbies really into the decorating and bedding? DH seems perfectly happy to let me make all of the decisions, which is nice because there's no one to disagree with me, but I also KNOW that eventually I will start to resent him for now showing any interest.

It's in my personality to want to get my way (and who doesn't Smile ) but I can't help but feel that it will start to feel like DH doesn't really "care" about the baby prep stuff. I guess I'm looking for some "jobs" that DH can be in charge of so I feel like he's DOING something. Any insight?

hewinked · July 2010

My DH actually does care about the bedding. He picked out what we eventually got. And he cared about strollers and pack n plays and such when we picked them out for DD. The rest of the stuff, he doesn't care. Like the actual decorating of the nursery. Or bottles. Or bibs and such. Can you have DH be in charge of putting together the crib and all that stuff? I know that I prepped a lot of the stuff for DD myself, only cuz I'm a get it done kind of person, and if I waited for DH to do it, well, I'd still be waiting.

tracey4228 · July 2010

DH loves information so I put him in charge of researching certain things, like the car seat and crib. He also has given his opinion on bedding, furniture, etc. We try to approach it as a team. I'm very proactive and have a different sense of urgency than DH so I try to dial back in order to do this as a duo.

amuelle · July 2010

My husband has been very involved.

He is very into what is the safest for our baby and has looked up alot of stuff as far as that goes. As far as decorating, that is usually my thing. He really doesn't care about the decor.

He has been reading a book for the expectant father. Whenever he's reading it, my heart melts. It's so sweet:)

Bailey81 · July 2010

I assembled the crib, primed and painted the room, and did all the decorating. My husband doesn't care about any of it, but then he'll spring random expectations on me. I'd almost finished the nursery when he told me, "The baby's gonna have a mobile over his crib, right? He's got to have a mobile!"

Oookay. One mobile, coming up.

Doesn't mean he'll be less of a dad. He's just not into planning these things. Or shopping. For anything. Ever.

MrsDe2008 · July 2010

I think you should thank your lucky stars that he's letting you choose what you want. My DH is the same way and that's fine with me. But, I'll tell you it's not fun when your H is too involved...like my poor sister's husband. =/

My BIL needs to put his 2 cents into all of their household decorating, hence their house always looking mismatched and crappy. My sis would love to just pick stuff out that she likes, but winds up picking the stuff he likes just so she won't hear his mouth...then she has to live with the horrible choices. So, I say be thankful and have fun picking out what you like for the baby.

OliveBaby · July 2010

We're working together on everything.

jamiemsmith · July 2010

OliveBaby:
We're working together on everything.

This! It's more of a divide and conquer thing though... He picked furniture and arrangement, I've picked bedding and theme. He picked name (which I love!) I'm working on all of the diapers/bottles...

MrsFoof · July 2010

DH is very involved with Dr. appointments and loves to feel the baby move. He also enjoys putting things together (the crib, the swing, the jumper, etc). As far as picking out bedding, paint, cribs, etc he could care less.

As long as the baby is safe and healthy and I am happy with what I pick out, that is all he cares about.

luckybride1128 · July 2010

DH is very involved with appointments. He keeps up on the reading...if I'm ever questioning something, he is right to the books. As far as decor and equipment, I basically do the research, present him the options, and we discuss it together. That way I can weed out the ones I don't think will work before he even weighs in. Less opinions that way and just quicker. It's worked well so far.

*sallymad* · July 2010

Meh. He didn't really care about dd's bedding or the little clothes I purchased. But he did have an opinion about the bigger stuff like the crib and dresser. Which is fine with me.

larivierek · July 2010

Since my DH and I have been living apart, he's been really helping out by getting our new house ready for me. He recently noticed a few paint chips on the outside of the house and he insists that he will paint the whole thing over now. We plan to do most of the baby stuff (setting up nursery, registering, etc) together and share responsibilities. He is very concerned about strollers for some reason.

I wouldn't worry that your DH doesn't "care" about baby stuff. He is likely looking further out on the horizon, and thinking about how he plans to parent, or what he wants to do with your LO when he gets a bit bigger. If he wants to participate in getting ready for LO, maybe suggest that he do the research on babyproofing (and installing that stuff), or ask him to help you pick a specific item out. He may feel overwhelmed with all the baby stuff out there--so a few narrowed choices might make him more comfortable with it all.

cougarlicious · July 2010

How was he when you guys were planning your wedding? I've found that guys, in general, tend to leave wedding planning and baby planning to women not because of disinterest, but because many of them assume the women WANT the control. So instead of going over swatches and pictures just to end up with what you want, they figure life will be easier and happier if they just let you do it.

I agree with another poster that you should narrow the choices for him, ask his opinion, and then take it! (Good to try with something you really don't have too much of an opinion on.) Once he notices that his opinion really does matter, it encourages him to pipe in on other things.

HappyMommy28 · July 2010

DH and I are split pretty evenly. He doesn't really care about bedding, theme, or colors; but I do ask him his oppionion still. He is involved with finding the furniture, putting it together and putting together the nursury. It works for us.

vanessaNOV2 · July 2010

My DH really just cares about price of all the baby items I want. He would "perfer" the black diaper bag in case he has to carry it, but really he doesn't care. I am really laid back (like him) so I usually fill him in on info I find on researching baby gear and he keeps an eye out if he is at a store or online.

Last pregnancy I did EVERYTHING. This pregnancy I gave DH the "job" of finding a double stroller. If it has wheels, he should be interested, right?

jnicolen · July 2010

My husband is interested in all things safety related. ?If I give him a list of items he'll grab a consumer reports magazine and be all about the research. With everything else, he doesn't initiate, or seem to care too much, but will give me his opinion if I ask.

NewFamily09 · July 2010

With DS my DH was very into decorating his nursery. He actually fought with me over a theme. He wanted it to be a construction theme and we finally compromised on a trains theme. He built our son a shelf, a table, a train shaped toy box, and painted a dresser for him. I think he wanted to be in control mostly because it was a boy. If we have a girl this time, he's already told me that I can pretty much do whatever I want with the room. Yay!

Is your husband handy? Could he maybe build a bookshelf or something? That would be a great way for him to contribute.

Amielu · July 2010

amy052006:

I am going to be honest, I wanted what I wanted. Not that DH doesn't care, but after a few BRU and BBB trips, he felt fairly comfortable that "what I wanted" did not involved most of the tacky grossness that is a staple of baby gear.

We both wanted decent furniture, but at the end of the day, he cared about the substance and how it was made. He really does not give a rat's ass about the color or style. Same with the stroller. Trust me, as long as it was light and had an adjustable handlebar and inflatiable tires, he really did not care if it was Onyx, Red or Diamond.

Same here. He doesn't really have a preference. He knows I'm not picking out crap, so he's fine with my decisions.

photojunky050209 · July 2010

My DH is gone so it has been all me. I email him every once in awhile when I am having trouble deciding between two things and let him pick. I am sure if he was here I would still be the one picking everything and every so often asking his opinion.

shpinz13 · July 2010

My DH doesn't care about the nursery really. We are also changing over out guest bathroom to be more baby friendly, so he is more into that. He said I can have free reign over the nursery but he wants to decorate the bathroom himself. He is helping out pick out the nursery furniture, but as far as the decorating and bathroom, he is going along with whatever I like

starrkitten89 · July 2010

I wish my DH wasn't into planning,but he is nuts.He has had to have an equal say in every single baby related thing,including wanting to spend more time in the store registering than I do.

He was like this for our wedding too-he debated with me for an hour over whether our invites were going to be white or ecru...I love him but he drives me NUTS.

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