Kids being advanced...how does school work?

emiannie · July 2010

Miles' daycare is putting him in with the 3 year old kids at school because he talks as well as they do and can do most of the things they do in their classroom. He just turned 2 at the end of June. I'm thrilled that they're challenging him and teaching him stuff constantly. That's fantastic.

My question is: If he keeps up at this rate won't he be ready for kindergarten when he's 4? Can they start at 4? Would you start your kiddo early or would you just keep him going like he is and let him "hang out" for a year before starting him (if that's even an option)?

And of course, I know this is all assuming he will continue to progress quickly...he may not. I'm just curious how it all works.

Mrs.Babbsy · July 2010

My nephew is the same way. My brother wishes he would have waited on K. Even though he may be "smarter" they still need that maturity time. My nephew knows a lot, but still struggles with talking, following rules and heck just being a boy.

Yay for smarty pants though:)

SeaSoul · July 2010

emiannie:

My question is: If he keeps up at this rate won't he be ready for kindergarten when he's 4? Can they start at 4? Would you start your kiddo early or would you just keep him going like he is and let him "hang out" for a year before starting him (if that's even an option)?

I skipped kindergarten and went straight to 1st grade at the age of 5. This was partly b/c of where my bday fell in relation to the cutoff date for school entrance - my parents had to make a decision to put me in K or 1st. Since I was "advanced" for my age, and since I really wanted to go to school FT, they put me in 1st. (think i'm getting this story right - in any case, i didn't go to K.)

And they always regretted it. The problem was that I was emotionally behind my peers, right up through HS. But I didn't get it, and it was very frustrating for me, and I felt like a misfit. (I wasn't - had lots of friends, very involved, but I couldn't relate to them on a certain level.).

So, while I flourished academically, I suffered emotionally. I wouldn't do the same to my own child.

Mrs.Babbsy · July 2010

SeaSoul:
emiannie:

My question is: If he keeps up at this rate won't he be ready for kindergarten when he's 4? Can they start at 4? Would you start your kiddo early or would you just keep him going like he is and let him "hang out" for a year before starting him (if that's even an option)?

I skipped kindergarten and went straight to 1st grade at the age of 5. This was partly b/c of where my bday fell in relation to the cutoff date for school entrance - my parents had to make a decision to put me in K or 1st. Since I was "advanced" for my age, and since I really wanted to go to school FT, they put me in 1st. (think i'm getting this story right - in any case, i didn't go to K.)

And they always regretted it. The problem was that I was emotionally behind my peers, right up through HS. But I didn't get it, and it was very frustrating for me, and I felt like a misfit. (I wasn't - had lots of friends, very involved, but I couldn't relate to them on a certain level.).

So, while I flourished academically, I suffered emotionally. I wouldn't do the same to my own child.

This is exactly what I was trying to say:)

alchris · July 2010

Mrs.Babbsy:
SeaSoul:
emiannie:

My question is: If he keeps up at this rate won't he be ready for kindergarten when he's 4? Can they start at 4? Would you start your kiddo early or would you just keep him going like he is and let him "hang out" for a year before starting him (if that's even an option)?

I skipped kindergarten and went straight to 1st grade at the age of 5. This was partly b/c of where my bday fell in relation to the cutoff date for school entrance - my parents had to make a decision to put me in K or 1st. Since I was "advanced" for my age, and since I really wanted to go to school FT, they put me in 1st. (think i'm getting this story right - in any case, i didn't go to K.)

And they always regretted it. The problem was that I was emotionally behind my peers, right up through HS. But I didn't get it, and it was very frustrating for me, and I felt like a misfit. (I wasn't - had lots of friends, very involved, but I couldn't relate to them on a certain level.).

So, while I flourished academically, I suffered emotionally. I wouldn't do the same to my own child.

This is exactly what I was trying to say:)

Me too, but I was the opposite. My parents kept me back and I hated it at the time, but by the time I got to HS I was SO thankful. Looking back, I'm even more thankful. And as a professional elementary school counselor, I'm even MORE thankful. And it would be even more so with a boy.

There are exceptions to every rule, but in all my years of experience, I never met a child who started kindergarten at 4 who benefited from it, and many had to repeat either K or 1st grade. Elementary school teachers *at least* through 3rd grade can almost always tell the younger ones without even looking at birthdays, having nothing to do with intelligence.

If he remains a year ahead, there are usually "readiness" classes for older 4s/younger 5s to go to for a year before kindergarten, and Miles may be able to start that a year ahead and then start K on time.

I'm curious to see what happens...we WILL still be friends in a few years when the decision has to be made!!!

howleyshell · July 2010

I'm a (step) mom of an insanely smart kid. I can blatantly brag like that because he's not biologically mine. He's off the charts when it comes to standardized testing.

Here's my take and our experience over the past 15 years.

I personally think you're asking for trouble if you put a kid in a situation where they're board when they're supposed to be learning. Keeping them challenged is key to instilling a love of learning.

However.... I can NOT stress social development enough. We've got a brilliant kid whose success will be limited by his inability to communicate and be comfortable in social situations.

Book smarts are only half the equation.

Now that I've said that here's my recommenation.

If you don't want to hold him back academically have you considered looking into private schools?

The best solution we found was to find a school where he could be with his peers age-wise but where they were ALL being pushed academically beyond the "norm" for their years.

That way they're never "different" from the other kids in their class.

I'm not usually a fan of private education but when a kid's IQ warrants it I see the merits.

I'm struggling with this now because it looks like one of my 2 is going to end up like our 15 yr old - off the charts smart. On one hand I'm thrilled for him but knowing what all comes with it I'm kinda dreading having to make those tough calls on what's the best fit for him school wise.

I think we made some big mistakes with the 15 yr old and the biggest was putting him in a school that was very far away from where we lived. A 30 minute drive is no biggie but what ended up happening was that he wasn't friends with any kids in our neighborhood and he lived too far away to be invited over for casual play dates by the kids who lived closer to the school.

His academics soared but his social life suffered.

Bottom line.... a lot of it can come down to the decisions you make for him and you're smart to be considering you options now so it's not as overwhelming later.

Have you asked your day care center what their experiences have been with kids like him previously?

To answer your question - most public schools stick pretty closely to their age requirements so it's highly unlikely they'd let him into kindergarten at age 4.

And as a Mom of a 4 yr old I can honestly say that regardless of smarts I'm not sure you'd want him in that situation.

Dylan's on the tall side so physically he doesn't look any different from 5 yr olds but.... put him in a social situation surrounded by kids all a year older than him and it's obvious. He tends to let them boss him around and becomes much more quiet where he's much more assertive and "equal" in a situation of all kids his own age. They just have a different style of play being only year older.

hannah&ben · July 2010

Mrs.Babbsy:
SeaSoul:
emiannie:

My question is: If he keeps up at this rate won't he be ready for kindergarten when he's 4? Can they start at 4? Would you start your kiddo early or would you just keep him going like he is and let him "hang out" for a year before starting him (if that's even an option)?

I skipped kindergarten and went straight to 1st grade at the age of 5. This was partly b/c of where my bday fell in relation to the cutoff date for school entrance - my parents had to make a decision to put me in K or 1st. Since I was "advanced" for my age, and since I really wanted to go to school FT, they put me in 1st. (think i'm getting this story right - in any case, i didn't go to K.)

And they always regretted it. The problem was that I was emotionally behind my peers, right up through HS. But I didn't get it, and it was very frustrating for me, and I felt like a misfit. (I wasn't - had lots of friends, very involved, but I couldn't relate to them on a certain level.).

So, while I flourished academically, I suffered emotionally. I wouldn't do the same to my own child.

This is exactly what I was trying to say:)

I agree and can relate.

Both of my older kids are super super smart (I know all parents think that But I'm serious, my daughter talking in sentences at 1, was reading at age 3, chapter books at age 5, and tested a 12th grade reading level in 4th grade. J is math smart and can do stuff in his head I can't do with a pen and paper

Anywho - I think a lot of people (parents who've been through it, pedi's, psych, etc) would agree that early school isn't a good idea because of social and emotional maturity.

Put that smarty pants in an academic preschool program (more than daycare, kwim?). He'll be with kids his own age, getting a challenge, and will be that much more ready to rock when kindergarten rolls around!

alchris · July 2010

I think howleyshell makes a lot of great points. In the end, as long as you find a K program that you think will challenge him, or at least that there are other students in his classroom at approximately his same academic level, either public or private, he'll be exactly where he needs to be, IMHO.

emiannie · July 2010

Guys, thank you so much for the info. A private preschool might be the ticket when the time comes. He does great with older kids as far as keeping up with them, but I'm not sure about his attitude when he's around them in an educational setting.

All great advice and information to have for the future. This kid never ceases to amaze...so I'm trying to be forward-thinking to be prepared for anything that might come our way. (Like that's possible!)

crystalgirl · July 2010

alchris:
There are exceptions to every rule, but in all my years of experience, I never met a child who started kindergarten at 4 who benefited from it, and many had to repeat either K or 1st grade. Elementary school teachers *at least* through 3rd grade can almost always tell the younger ones without even looking at birthdays, having nothing to do with intelligence.

Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. I started kindergarten at 4, and I am SO THANKFUL that my mom insisted on starting me early. I was bored and ready. I was still at the top of my class even at a year ahead. I don't see that I would have had ANY benefit of waiting. I was also still more emotionally mature than many of my peers. My mom always said I was an adult in a kid's body.

Anyway, that's my two cents from my experience.

cjsbdl · July 2010

crystalgirl:
alchris:
There are exceptions to every rule, but in all my years of experience, I never met a child who started kindergarten at 4 who benefited from it, and many had to repeat either K or 1st grade. Elementary school teachers *at least* through 3rd grade can almost always tell the younger ones without even looking at birthdays, having nothing to do with intelligence.

Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. I started kindergarten at 4, and I am SO THANKFUL that my mom insisted on starting me early. I was bored and ready. I was still at the top of my class even at a year ahead. I don't see that I would have had ANY benefit of waiting. I was also still more emotionally mature than many of my peers. My mom always said I was an adult in a kid's body.

Anyway, that's my two cents from my experience.

Same here. I started at four and didn't turn 18 until after my first semester of college was finished. I was way ahead of nearly everyone in my class (I went to a K-12 school) both academically and in maturity. But I wouldn't do it with a boy. Boys mature physically and emotionally slower in the elem years than girls. H's birthday is right on the cutoff in our county and he could go to K when he's four, but we will probably put him in a private preschool and send him to school a year later.

mbjmaybebaby · July 2010

I would like to just take the stance of the teacher.

I teach middle school and every year we have kids who are really smart but their parents put them in school earlier than they should have and it's very apparent. The kids are sooo immature and simply don't do well socially.

I would suggest a Montesori school in the beginning and then getting him tested for GT (gifted & talented) when he enters elementary school and push for differentiation based on his strengths. We do ALP's (advanced learning plans) for kids who are GT.

crystalgirl · July 2010

mbjmaybebaby:

I would like to just take the stance of the teacher.

I teach middle school and every year we have kids who are really smart but their parents put them in school earlier than they should have and it's very apparent. The kids are sooo immature and simply don't do well socially.

I would suggest a Montesori school in the beginning and then getting him tested for GT (gifted & talented) when he enters elementary school and push for differentiation based on his strengths. We do ALP's (advanced learning plans) for kids who are GT.

I just don't like the idea of painting every child with the same brush. I was in GT programs with the kids a year ahead of me. I remain unconvinced that the programs a year behind that would have been enough of a challenge. People can argue that maybe I would have been valedictorian or something if I'd not started early. I disagree. Whenever I was in a class that didn't challenge me enough, I did substantially worse. There is no doubt in my mind that holding me back would have been the wrong move.

skoorbnibor · July 2010

the preschool I am thinking of taking E to in January suggested the same thing. I said no. I think it is great he is so verbal, and so on, but I don't think emotionally he is ready to be with the bigger kids. And he will not start kindergarten until the year he turns 5.

I think I would prefer E to be in other activities to challenge him, then to send him to school earlier. Plus, he will be in preschool and I know they will challenge him.

I also wonder if his verbal skills will slow down, or if it is JUST his verbal skills that are advanced (for Ethan) for now, I know his reasoning skills are advanced, but he is average in other areas, so maybe it is a fluke? I don't want to regret it later. Both my husband and I skipped grades, he skipped in middle school, I skipped in 3rd grade, and it was MUCH better for me than him, so I will also keep that in mind.

na24 · July 2010

I turned five while I was in first grade (b/c my parents had me go straight from montessori preschool to first grade) and I was always a year younger than all my classmates and did just fine. Top 5% of my class, great grades in college and law school, etc. Sure, I'm a little socially awkward, but I don't think that's attributable to my age. That's just weird me.

If he's ready for it and the school district will let you, and you're ready for it, then I don't see a problem with it.

If my parents had kept me a year behind where I was ready to be, I'd have been insanely, insanely bored. As it was, school was kind of boring at times.

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