Hawaii Babies
MrsZiz
member
*Lisa with the pirates*
MrsZiz
member
Thanks for the advice in the long thread! I am SO nervous about getting a BFP.... I SOOOO want it but at the same time, the fear can consume you. Thanks again for the advice. I do want another baby and time will tell when that will be... hopefully soon since B turns 1 today!
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Re: *Lisa with the pirates*
No problem! It's absolutely terrifying, I'll be honest about that. When you lose a child, it kind of strips away your innocence...I lived my entire pregnancy with fear in the back of my mind that something would happen again. But you just have to push it aside and focus on the positives and remember that regardless of what has or will happen, on that day you love your baby.
I hope you get your BFP soon! Every time I see a post from you, I secretly hope that's what it's about (no pressure lol).
Terrifying is absolutely the word I would use to describe the feeling that I have. I didn't really feel that way with Bella, I was confident my entire pregnancy that things would be fine. Then SMACK this happened, like you said, it strips away that happy oblivion that you live in when you are pregnant. It's like you know too much, the fear of the unknown is NOT the unknown to those of us that have had a m/c... it sucks!
Maybe my next BFP will be twins like you, wouldn't that be crazy! I'd love it but honestly I don't know if I'm as strong as you, I think I'd end up in the looney bin if I had two! One is hard work and I can't even begin to imagine how busy you are with twins... how would I have time to shower?! Twins does run in my family so I'd be thrilled... but let's just be honest, I'll take a BFP any way I can get it!
That's exactly it...before you experience an m/c, you worry a little but it's a kind of intellectual fear - actually knowing is completely different. It affects you in so many ways...
I read a "flameable confessions" post on a non-baby board a while back where someone said that they didn't understand why people got so upset over early miscarriages. I wanted to reply, but couldn't work out what to say - finally, ages later, I figured it out. It's not just the physical distress you feel, or the death of something too small to even feel moving. It's the death of all of the hopes and dreams that you attached to that little being - that is what hurts so badly and what sticks with you.
LOL I don't know how strong I am! I'm not just saying that to puff myself up...I think that in a way we're lucky that we had twins first (well, after the m/c) because even though I'm sure it's harder than having one baby, I don't know any different - this is just the way it is. Someone I was talking to the other day was shocked that I didn't have a nanny or someone helping me, but to be honest it never even occurred to me (plus we couldn't afford it lol!). You just...handle things. You do what needs to be done, because it needs to be done.
I'm lucky that Ben is very involved and really pitches in to help - for example, he's on "crying baby duty" every night from 10pm-midnight and 6.30-8am every day, to make sure I can get some solid sleep (although they're sleeping pretty soundly every night from about 11pm-7/8am now, which is awesome!). And he watches the boys immediately after he gets home every day so I can go have a leisurely shower.
At any rate, if you DID end up with twins, I'm sure you could handle it! You just...make it work.
SO true! I went through a lot of physical pain with my m/c as well which added insult to injury... not to mention the hospital bills that are still coming... with B I got a prize at the end so all of the physical pain, emotions and money spent were worth it! This last time I literally had to pull myself out of it and get it together. I never expected it to be so difficult!
I should give Ryan crying baby duty! He does very well though and helps out a bunch. He's gotten a lot better with helping in the middle of the night. It used to be "well you have to feed her anyway"... so off I went... but now we're TRYING not to feed her in the middle of the night because she's 1 and I KNOW she can go longer than 6 hours!
Did I mention that I'm SOOO jealous that your boys are good sleepers! Hopefully the next one will be for us, I think we've put in our time with a non-sleeper
The not-getting-the-prize aspect is really difficult, especially since you still deal with physical discomfort, etc. I had a natural miscarriage and that was rough because every time I went to the bathroom and passed more blood/tissue, it was another agonizing reminder of what we'd lost. I think the psychological aspects of a miscarriage are worse than the physical ones by far.
We are SO lucky that they're good sleepers! I have a friend here with a 1 yr old daughter who still doesn't STTN, and she asked me what we did to get our boys sleeping so well - while we were careful to make night as boring as possible and not a "fun time" (e.g., not playing with the boys when we fed them at 2am), I really can't take credit for it since we didn't do anything outside of the ordinary. We just got super lucky! I'm so grateful because I think without their great sleeping habits, having twins would be a lot harder.