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Military leave and Birth (advice needed!!)

AEOW13AEOW13
in 3rd Trimester

I already posted this on the Military Fam. board, but the Tri boards seem to get more traffic and I would really like some insight or advice.

 My husband is in the Marines and will be waiting to start his MOS when Im due.  We dont know if there is a delay yet or if he will start right away (We wont know that until at least Tuesday).  I know Im supposed to call the red cross and go through them to notify and document that Im in labor.  I have heard that the military doesnt see going into labor as a reason to be granted emergency leave and depending on his instructor he may not be able to leave until the hospital has confirmed that the baby has been born, if at all.

With allll that said, have any of you ladies been through this?  I've heard the Marines have different rules and restrictions but honestly Im not sure if thats true or just one of those military rumors/stereotypes when it comes to this.  Im just looking to prepare myself for the chance of him not being there in time to be the first to see his son.  Also, my husband is a very optimistic man and honestly will say and do anything to protect me from being unhappy. According to him hell be there no matter what...

 Im more realistic and would like to prepare myself for the chance of him not being there.

Any info, insight or advice is GREATLY appreciated. TIA!!!

<3

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Re: Military leave and Birth (advice needed!!)

  • blushingNwilmblushingNwilm

    Just to be clear- you're saying hes in MOS school/ training right?  

     

    It will depend on his command.  Pregnancy/ birth does not rate emergency leave. However his training CAN be put on hold.  Its really just up to how his command handles such things.  

     

    That said, I'd probably have a little chat with him about being totally open and honest with you.  The military is full of ups and downs and although he may want to protect you, you guys need to be on the same page with things.  Just some friendly advice!  


    Good luck- I hope he will be able to be there to see his son born. :) 

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  • kaliewaldeckkaliewaldeck member
    My husband is in the marines and is currently deployed right now. The red cross will ONLY send the message after the birth of the baby. I think they do that so people arent sending messages through for every little contraction they have thinking its labor. It will be up to his command if he is granted leave. But typically they are not, especially if they are away. If you have another way to contact him thats not through red cross to let him know your having the baby, I recommend that! Because red cross can take awhile and they leave it up to his command to pass word down, which also takes awhile!! And if he happens to have internet access, try and see if his higher ups will let him go to a computer once he finds out your in active labor. That way you two can skype and he can be there for the delivery through webcam (I know its not the same but its something!)
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  • stephanieroyerstephanieroyer
    Just prepare yourself for him not being there in the case he cant. Military life isnt always easy, and you have to learn pretty quick that the job comes first..not the family. it sounds like you're pretty new to this..dont worry, you'll get use to it.  just remember there are alot of "downs" but there is also alot of "ups"
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  • AEOW13AEOW13

    Thanks for the insight everyone. 

    He graduates MCT on Tuesday and will leave straight to his MOS from there.  Hell be able to use his cell again so Ill make sure to contact him through there as well as the red cross.  Im definately new to this but Im confident in my Marine and our family and I think thats the first step right?!!

    Thanks again for your help... Pregnancy is so confusing without the governement being involved so your help and advice really helps!!

    <3

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  • veebug22veebug22 member

    DH is Navy, so I don't have Marine-specific advice, but I can tell you that across the armed forces it seems to be that their command will try to get them there if they can, but if they are needed/depending on where the command/guy currently is, they may not be able to make it. In other words you should always plan that there is a good chance of delivering alone. Even if they do try to get him there around your due date, you may go early. Probably half of the wives on my husband's boat have delivered one of their children without their husbands. It happens. Some commands try harder than others to get the guys home, but the point is that their priority has to be the command and its ability to carry out orders - not to get guys home for births.

    I know you said your DH is optimistic, but honestly I think this is one of the biggest disservices he can do for you as a serviceman and husband. Early in our relationship and marriage it bugged the heck out of me that DH was so noncommittal when it came to our ability to attend events, etc. Now I so appreciate it. I see other wives struggle with high expectations, but I know that there is always a very good chance he won't be able to participate in something and it helps us to focus on planning for him not being there. It has nothing to do with how much we wants to be there. It means that we don't commit to things we're unsure of, and I can't count how many times we would have had to let people down even though something looked pretty guaranteed but didn't work out. I'm glad we just told them we would if we could instead of committing and letting them down. Anyway, you should be prepared to do this on your own... and being prepared to do it alone has nothing to do with confidence in your Marine or family or his efforts to try and be there. He will do everything he can, I'm sure, but many things are completely out of his hands now, and it's smart for him and you to realize and accept that, and to make contingency plans. The birth and the first time they meet will be amazing no matter what, and plenty of women have made it work before you! :)

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  • LB_MommaLB_Momma
    imageblushingNwilm:

    Just to be clear- you're saying hes in MOS school/ training right?  

     

    It will depend on his command.  Pregnancy/ birth does not rate emergency leave. However his training CAN be put on hold.  Its really just up to how his command handles such things.  

     

    That said, I'd probably have a little chat with him about being totally open and honest with you.  The military is full of ups and downs and although he may want to protect you, you guys need to be on the same page with things.  Just some friendly advice!  


    Good luck- I hope he will be able to be there to see his son born. :) 

    this pretty much sums up what I was going to say. I don't know how it works with the marines (my hubby is army) but it is probably very similiar. GL!!

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