IF you are OCONUS, Little ones and Deployment

Re: IF you are OCONUS, Little ones and Deployment

• Ilumine member

  July 2010

  We are looking at this very thing.  And my thoughts are that I would not move but do some long-term Space-A travel (when dh is deployed you bump up a category). 

  The reasons being:

  1. we need someone in the house (not going to give up our really rocking, perfect for our family, hard to find German house).  The odds of us getting something even 1/2 this perfect are nil.
  2. you will loose your cola and your OAH drops to where YOU (the spouse) are if you are not living here, ie you give up your leased house or are no longer on base.  Sorry, but we NEED that money and the tax free & hazard pay will not make up for it.
  3. there are amazing deployed spouse support programs here on our base.  Between our group, flight, family readiness, church, community center, and hospital, the only way to NOT have support is to turn it down.
  4. I want my DH's mid-tour to be easy.  Coming to Germany is a hell of a lot shorter than going to the states. 
  5. I want my DH's mid-tour to be with us, not share him with family - selfish yes. 

  Now, again, I will be doing a lot of Space A (i love it).  And to be honest, that is more fun for me.

  file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg

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• hderne05 member

  July 2010

  I agree.  I would probably just do a month or two of travel back to the parents when I needed it.  How long are you supposed to be at your station?  That's what a lot of ladies do here in Japan.  Good luck!
  

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• MrsJShay

  July 2010

  How long will your spouse be gone?  You can always stay and see how it goes.  I stayed in Germany for the first couple of months and then decided it would be a lot easier if I just came home to "visit" for a few months.  I had a job on base, friends, and an amazing landlord and neighbors, but I still decided to come back to the states.  It's nice because my 17 month old is getting to know his grandparents and other relatives.  Plus, I'm pregnant right now, so having other people to help out with my son every now and then is awesome.  Honestly, I think it's so lonely and kinda hard work doing everything alone.  I have a new respect for single parents.  However, I know a lot of people stay and do just fine.  I think it just depends on you personally. 
  

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• soontobemomma member

  July 2010

  I would go back, and I have, esp if you won't have any friends around.  If you have a good relationship with your family and it won't mess you up financially, why not?  (I mean this for people with children who aren't school age.)  

  It is hard to have 2 little ones.  I feel like me alone 24/7 is not whats best for them.  It isn't all puppies and rainbows when you're with your parents, but I believe it far outweighs the negative.  I looked at it by what was best for the kids.  Me frazzled, tired, cranky, wasn't it. And it is nice to have someone around the house to talk to after the kids go to bed. Not to mention the kids are getting a great relationship with their grandparents.

  I do feel judged a lot, mostly by people who think I should toughen up as an Army wife because that is what they've done, but that is BS.   You do what is best for your kids and you.

  GL with your decision. 

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• MrsJShay

  July 2010

  I agree, sometimes people who have been in a long time act like deployment is no big deal and that you should suck it up and be a "military wife".  what does your husband think?  mine actually wanted me to go back home all along and i was the one that ended up staying thinking it was what i was supposed to do (as a military wife).  after a few months i thought, why am i staying here all alone trying to do everything by myself when i don't really have to?  he actually felt better about me being back home and knowing that i was ok and that it was easier on me. 
  

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• *Krista*

  July 2010

  My son was 2 when my husband deployed. I did not move back home even though my husband strongly suggested I do. While we are OCONUS, it's Hawaii, not another country, so I didn't feel out of my comfort zone. We are completely *in love* with Hawaii so we were very lucky to have a fantastically easy and fun deployment. 

  I will say though, if I had more than one child and was in another country I probably would have seriously considered moving closer to family.  

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• scheti01

  July 2010

  I am planning on heading back to the States while my DH is deployed for at least a month.  This way my parents and in-laws will have an opportunity to spend time with LO... she will be a few months old.  I have a bit of an advantage though because the rotator flies right to my home town.  While traveling with an infant overseas is not ideal, it can definitely be done.  This is just a visit though, I wouldn't call it a move home. 

  With that said, I hope to join a play group here for the time in which the baby and I are here.  The Family Advocacy Office has some programs that they offer to connect parents with kids of a similar age.  This could help build a support system with new families, even though your current friends will be moving.  The Spouses group for my DHs squadron is also pretty active in helping deployed spouses feel connected.  I hope you have luck building new friendships while your DH is deployed or on your trip home if that is what you decide.

  

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