NAPR- family vent.

cindy453 · July 2010

My grandmother plays favorites. She always has- my aunt was the favorite kid, my cousins the favorite grand kids, and now the cousins kids are the favorite great grands. Case in point, all of us were at her house today for a family get together. She bought every single other great grand a present, but not Emmy. It's not just that Emmy is a baby either- the 6 month old got a present.

I truly don't care if Emmy gets some crap toy or not. And right now it doesn't *really* matter, because she doesn't notice. But the first time she notices and asks why she didn't get something that the other kids did... I'm done. I'm not going to subject her to a lifetime of being the "not as good" grandkid when she has another great grandmother that adores her, and two sets of grandparents that dote on her. She just doesn't need it. We'll go over and visit when the other kids aren't there, so it's not obvious to her that she's not the "right" grand kid.

I'm just so frustrated. I've been saying for awhile that we will just stop going once Emmy is old enough to notice, but I'm wondering now if it will be worse for her to remember going and then we don't... and maybe better to just cut it off now? The same thing happened at Easter, fwiw- she knew we were coming and still got everybody else presents but not Emmy.

I'm just frustrated I know emmy doesn't care now, I just don't want her to EVER feel that they don't love her to bits for being who she is.

webMistress0609 · July 2010

Honestly, I'd cut it off now & save the hurt feelings. I'm saying this as someone who has a SIL that basically hates me b/c I'm Jewish, & will barely speak to DH b/c he married a Jewish Yankee. I've played nice, but when she came to Ari's birthday party, she glared at me when I said hello & didn't say it back, sat by herself the whole time, & barely acknowledged Ari. She's not getting invited again if she's going to disrespect me & my son. Ari doesn't know the difference when she does stuff like get him Christian books for gifts, but he will soon enough. Disrespect now is the same as later, kwim?

kabrooke · July 2010

I would feel the same way. I wouldn't want my DD to wonder why everyone else gets a present and she doesn't. That is just tacky to be that way. I am sorry it has to be that way for you and your LO.

cindy453 · July 2010

kabrooke:
I would feel the same way. I wouldn't want my DD to wonder why everyone else gets a present and she doesn't. That is just tacky to be that way. I am sorry it has to be that way for you and your LO.

isn't it rude? To make it worse, she called all the great grand kids together to hand out the presents, and then blatantly didn't give one to Emmy. WTF.

It was the same at Christmas.. all the other kids got a big present, and Emmy didn't. She called me before Christmas and said, "I'm getting the other baby a case of formula and a giant case of diapers." I told her we didn't need either, but would love a zoo pass. Yeah, no big present at all for her. Again, WTF.

We've already decided we aren't going for Christmas this year.

ddr262 · July 2010

I agree that cutting it off now is probably the best idea. She may not realize what is going on right now but you do and that behavior is very disrespectful to all of you. I would rather spend time with the family who truly appreciates her just for who she is and loves her unconditionally.

Krista123105 · July 2010

I would cut it off now. DH's grandma has always made it perfectly clear that DH is her least-favorite grandchild, and she has barely acknowledged our son, so we really don't have contact with her. Like you said, Emmy has other family members who love her dearly, so focus on those people and ignore the rest. It sucks though, I know.

KateLouise · July 2010

I truly cannot fathom this kind of behaviour in someone. What does Grandma get out of behaving like this? is this how her Mum or Grandma behaved?

She must be a bitter, negative woman to play this kind of behaviour out on a baby.

I wouldn't want my child around her, not just because of the blatant favouritism surrounding gifts, but more because I doubt someone like this could be a truly positive influence in my child's life.

mrstarawalsh · July 2010

Have you talked to her about this? If not I would. If so I would cut her off now. My family (my dad's side) plays favorites... when they started doing so w/ the great grandkids I cut them off. There's no reason for my babies to be subjected to that.

cindy453 · July 2010

mrstarawalsh:
Have you talked to her about this? If not I would. If so I would cut her off now. My family (my dad's side) plays favorites... when they started doing so w/ the great grandkids I cut them off. There's no reason for my babies to be subjected to that.

She knows. She has said, "I just never get to see emmy or watch her like the other kids, I don't know what she likes"- she sees Emmy plenty, and far more than most great grandparents see their kids. It's a blackmail thing to make me feel guilty, I'm just SO not playing anymore.

I truly wonder if my grandma is a bit delusional sometimes. My cousin just got married (to her boyfriend of over 5 years) and moved several states away. She works. My grandma has implied that her husband is abusive because she doesn't call enough and they don't want to have any visitors to their house until they are settled in. Um... she works all day and there is a time difference of 2 hours, that's why she didn't call you back in 10 minutes. Don't start talking Oprah and say he's being "isolating"

miaomi · July 2010

I'd cut her off now instead of waiting till Emmy notices. By that time, her feelings will already be hurt. And kids notice these things sooner than we realize. My Grandma did the same thing with her grandkids...and my sis and I are not the fav's. It's heartbreaking.

So, if you've already talked with her I'd only give her one more chance. Let her know that you won't subject your child to being hurt like that and she can either give all the kids equal gifts/attention in your presence or you won't ever bring Emmy around.

My Mom and Dad had to do that with my Grandparents. They were told we'd have a Christmas celebration at our house and each grandchild could get 2 gifts there. The "special" gifts they got for their favorite 2 of 6 grandkids would not be allowed and would have to wait for a different time.

kwinters87 · July 2010

I'd cut off now and I'd let grandma know why I'm doing it!!! I wouldn't feel bad at all for ripping her apart about it.

CalinsBride · July 2010

That would really piss me off, and I would just stop going now. I wouldn't have my kid around someone who openly favors everyone else. She is rude and crazy and needs to be told.

rainlily · July 2010

I would cut her off now. You have tried to talk to her about it before and she is trying to make you feel guilty/manipulate you. How she could treat a baby with anything but unconditional love is beyond me. You and Emmy don't need to be around a negative, manipulative person. Sorry that you are having to deal with this.

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