- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
SAHM's come in please!
DH recently offered me the chance to be a SAHM. I'm currently working PT right now. We had one talk about it and are going to have another one probably tonight so I can make my decision. I'm just really scared-I've never not worked before and I'm scared of giving up "my" money (though I'm not bringing in much being PT) and our daycare spot (you never know!). But it's something I always wanted and we didn't think it would work out. I just have a few questions for you!
1. What made you decide to SAH?
2. What do you and LO do everyday to keep things fresh and not get bored?
3. What is the hardest thing about SAH?
4. Do you regret your decision at all (do you wish you were working PT, etc)?
5. Any other things/advice you'd like to share?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SAHM's come in please!
1. it was VERY important to both me and DH that i stay at home with our kids. we felt that having someone else watching them would not be as beneficial to their growth and development - just our opinion for our family, not knocking on anyone that does use daycare.
2. we go to story time, to the mall, swim lessons, walks in the neighborhood, playground, etc - there's always something going on! being a SAHM entails more than just chasing after LO. we have errands to run for the house, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.....
3. for me, it's a 24 hour, 7 day a week job - so i never really get a day off unless DD goes to spend the night/weekend with my mom. i'm more than ok with this since it means i get to spend every day with her. being a SAHM is the "job" that i took when i left my FT office job, it just happens to have more hours, but far more benefits!
4. there are some days i wish i had a PT job, but they are so few and far between that i don't think it will ever happen.
5. making the decision to SAH was a tough one for me because i was worried about not having "my" money, but then i realized that both DH and I contribute to the family, his way is financially supporting us while mine is making sure that everything else is running the way it should be. i have no problem with him making all the money as he has always been a true believer in "what's mine is yours" and that really makes all the difference in the world to me!
1. I was already a SAHW and it made no sense for me to try and find a job just to have to use my entire paycheck on daycare.
2. I can't say I don't get bored, but our schedule (night owls, late risers) make it difficult to go to a lot of good SAH activities. A lot of SAHMs take their LOs to story times (library, bookstores), play groups, Mommy & Me classes, etc.
B and I go to the mall, library, Target, museums, beach, etc. when the weather is good. If we're staying home we usually spend pre-lunch upstairs and post-lunch downstairs so he plays with different toys over the course of the day. As he gets older I'll introduce things like finger-paints and such so we can have "art time" on rainy/cold/hot days.
3. Lack of adult interaction. If you have mom friends it probably wouldn't be too bad, but I don't have friends I see IRL so my only adult interaction most days is DH and store employees. It gets a bit lonely since B can't talk yet.
4. As B gets older I'm happier SAH. I do wish I had money that DH didn't keep track of, so if I wanted to get him a gift (holiday or not) it wouldn't be so obvious that I took funds from our account, but generally it's nice. There are certainly days that I feel like a desk job would be great just to get away from teething/tantrums/etc. but I think the pros make up for the cons more than when he was an infant.
5. Create a schedule. Not a minute-to-minute thing, but a general overview of your days. If you're the type that considers cleaning and cooking part of being a SAHM (I don't) then you probably want daily/weekly/monthly check-lists that you can work from while LO naps. Maybe Mondays you clean one bathroom, Tuesday the kitchen, and so on.
Me, I just wing it most days, unless there's something that NEEDS to get done. We get up, play/read, have breakfast, play/read, nap, lunch, go out to various places for fun or errands (or more play if the weather sucks), nap, DH gets home.
Mes Petit Choux
I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. ~ Alice
1. Dh and I both worked jobs with a lot of hours and we were on call on weekend out of five, and not the same weekend. We weren't seeing enough of each other or DS. We were tired and cranky and not living. I did work for the first year and we all reached a breaking point.
Another factor is we live in a small town. I looked at the education and grammar of the people providing his care. It will sound pompous, but I knew I didn't want my son to learn to talk that way. I also didn't want him around all of that smoke. There were no options that provided better care.
2. We have a pseudo routine. Monday is grocery day. Tues some moms get together and the moms work out and share a sitter. Wednesday we go to the park. Thurs is storytime. Friday mornings are errands. Every morning we walk. Some days we skip plans and just play at home. I worried we'd be bored, but now I wonder how we got things done when I worked. We also volunteer Tuesday afternoons.
3. The hardest for me was giving up the career. I loved what I did, but I also loved the status. I had to recognize that I will never go back to what I was doing. There was no way to sit out a couple of years and go back.
It was a bit of a financial shift too. One thing we did was set up a budget including fun money for me. DH's check goes into an account. Twice a month DH transfers the budget money into another account. I use this money for everything for the home and my play. It allows DH to keep some play money in his account and some money for me.
4. I do not regret this decision at all. The volunteer work makes me feel like I'm still contributing to society and I know this is what is best for my family.
5. The biggest thing for me was budget. I wanted to be sure that I was still contributing to MY Roth, saving for our future and our kids.
1. What made you decide to SAH? It's something DH and I have both always wanted. Money is tight, and we don't drive new cars or have a huge house, but it's so worth it.
2. What do you and LO do everyday to keep things fresh and not get bored? We go somewhere EVERY DAY. Sometimes a few places a day. DH is gone 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and I would go insane if I was home all the time. We go to the library, visit grandparents, water parks, shop, and have playdates to keep busy.
3. What is the hardest thing about SAH? Being away from big people.
4. Do you regret your decision at all (do you wish you were working PT, etc)? I do miss teaching a lot, but I wouldn't miss the opportunity to SAH for anything. I don't regret it.
5. Any other things/advice you'd like to share? Good luck deciding!
Mama Jan's Kitchen... a food blog
1. What made you decide to SAH? Someone needed to spend time with our kids and I think 52.5 hours of childcare in 5 days, when kids sleep 60 hours is too much, at least for our family.
2. What do you and LO do everyday to keep things fresh and not get bored? You are as bored as you want to be. I am never board. This week, I did everything from taking the kids to the gym and grocery with me to camping with a friend and her DD. It is what you make it. If your lazy, you will probably be bored, if your a self started, you will probably have fun.
3. What is the hardest thing about SAH? It is constant. People all say they are "full time" moms. Whatever. I have 4 hours a week when I am not with my children this summer, but normally, I have one or both of them with me 24/7, except for maybe two evenings a month when DH stays home with them and I go out. When I just had one, It wasn't so much to always have one of them, but with two, you are more limited (ever tried shopping with a 16 month old who can't walk, but crawls at lightening speed?)
4. Do you regret your decision at all (do you wish you were working PT, etc)? I do not in any way wish I worked. I had a great career. I know what I am "missing", I don't miss it. I do sometimes wish I could spread out these days over the course of my life, but obviously, that isn't going to happen.
5. Any other things/advice you'd like to share? Only that you choose how happy you will be, how active you will be, how much fun you will have, ect. It takes a lot of energy, far more than other jobs, but you never get this time back. I don't think that you can "measure" that my children are better off than kids in daycare or with a nanny, and that can be hard for a finance person like me, but I know that it works well and my kids are getting exposed to a lot more than they would in other childcare "situations".
1. What made you decide to SAH?
DH got a job working away Mon-Fri. I realised my work wouldn't be flexible and that DS would be in daycare 8-6 and would get one hour of a tired mom a day and figured that he deserved more than that.
2. What do you and LO do everyday to keep things fresh and not get bored?
DS goes to daycare a couple of hours each day (as DH works away) to give me a chance to do the mundane things like fill the car with gas. When he comes home we read books, go for walks, have playdates with other moms and take him out to do different activities.
3. What is the hardest thing about SAH?
I do miss being able to go into a shop and buy what I want safe in the knowledge that my pay check would cover it. However when DS smiles or does something cute (which I would have missed had I been at work) it makes it all worthwhile!
4. Do you regret your decision at all (do you wish you were working PT, etc)?
No many of my friends working PT are doing their full weeks work for PT pay.
5. Any other things/advice you'd like to share?
Be realistic with your expectations. There will be days when you will feel low but just remember that you can have low days at work too.
Make an effort to go to Mothers groups etc and be as sociable as possible as it is great to have other SAHMs to meet up for coffee/compare notes.
1. Without changing careers, I didn't have the option to keep working. Both DH and I work(ed) nights and weekends with schedules that changed from week to week, and finding childcare under those circumstances would have been impossible. Since DH makes about nine times what I made, it was obvious who had to quit.
2. We have to get out of the house daily, or we all go insane. It doesn't have to be some big excursion. It can just be a couple hours of running errands, but a change of scenery is a must.
3. Hardest thing for me is the monotony. Think of what to make for breakfast, make breakfast, feed breakfast, clean up breakfast, and it's already time to think of what to make for snack. Rinse and repeat until dinner.
4. I would never choose working full time over staying home, but I envy people who have a flexible job that's about 15 hours a week.
1. What made you decide to SAH? I wanted to be the one to raise my children- full time. I worked FT until our first child was 8 1/2 years old, which is when our 2nd child was born. I couldn't wait to be able to be the one at home taking care of the kids all day!
2. What do you and LO do everyday to keep things fresh and not get bored? Actually, we have a pretty set routine for our days during the school year, which keeps the kids happy. I do try to throw in a different errand each day or so to change up the scenery, though. In the summer, we do the zoo, parks, play grounds...the options are endless!
3. What is the hardest thing about SAH? Lack of adult interaction.
4. Do you regret your decision at all (do you wish you were working PT, etc)? NO WAY!
5. Any other things/advice you'd like to share? I think whether or not you will be happy being a FT SAHM really depends on your personality. I hated working outside of the home...ever since my first child was born. When the opportunity finally came along for me to SAHM I was THRILLED to death. Sure there are some really crappy, hard days, but I had those when I was working FT, too! To me, being at home with my kids is the most rewarding job I have ever had & I am very proud to be doing it!
GL to you!
Our Angel Boy- m/c in 2007 @ 9wks due to Trisomy 17
1. What made you decide to SAH? Overall lifestyle preference (more couples time, more 1 on 1 time with DD for me & for DH). And, we want to be there to guide our child--lay the foundation for social/emotional skills and more.
2. What do you and LO do everyday to keep things fresh and not get bored? This post could be a mile long. Mostly, I have learned to trust my baby to lead our activities. I read about child development & get ideas online. We attend 1-2 structured activities per week (library & gymnastics) and usually one playdate w/ 1-3 kids. I think it's really important to build 'down time' into my DD's day to play independently and think for herself.
3. What is the hardest thing about SAH? I think this varies depending on the age of the baby/child! Each age/stage has certain things that make it 'hard'. I think the hardest thing is learning to put aside my 'agenda' for the day and reminding myself that DD is my number one priority-- everything else I accomplish is bonus!
4. Do you regret your decision at all (do you wish you were working PT, etc)? No, I do not regret my decision to SAH. (Neither does my DH).
5. Any other things/advice you'd like to share?
Do some soul-searching. In the end, the choice is yours & your husbands. What will matter most in 5, 10, 60 years? Who knows. *I know what that answer is for us* but I really think this is a personal choice and you both must be on board.
2. What do you and LO do everyday to keep things fresh and not get bored? Play dates, errands together, and you can always look into things like Kindermusik, My Gym, moms' meetup groups, etc. There are some things that are hard to do with two 18-month-olds (e.g. go to the playground or pool, especially since there are no toddler-friendly ones near us) so we are more limited than I would like, but not bad.
3. What is the hardest thing about SAH? The repetition and--since this is my job--being at work 24/7. DH and I are working on me getting breaks--away from the house without the boys--on a more regular basis.
4. Do you regret your decision at all (do you wish you were working PT, etc)? No, not really. On the rough days/weeks I sometimes question it, but I know that if I were working I would question that, too! I do know that working PT can be a nice balance for some moms; it's such a personal decision.
5. Any other things/advice you'd like to share? Can't think of anything else, but good luck w/your decision!