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So apparently Super Douche did more damage than I thought...
Ok, how to sum this up. Basically I am hating the feeling of being vulnerable and putting myself out there with someone that I like. It sucks. With the other guys that I was talking to before, this was not the case because I didn't really feel anything for them. But I LIKE this guy. And I am starting to overanalyze everything, every text, interactions with him, EVERYTHING.
I was never "that girl". I always would have liked to have thought that part of my appeal was my ability to play it cool and do the hard to get thing. I am trying my damndest now but I feel like it's not working. My mind is running a mile a minute and I just want it to STOP. I am going to go ahead and blame this one on Super Douche. It's hard for me to "let things go" and feel like this guy is going to be on the up and up.
::sighs:: Is it really too early for a drink?
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Re: So apparently Super Douche did more damage than I thought...
Remind me later to email you you about my breakdown crying with D. Up to that point, in 7 months he had seen me cry 2x and both of those had to do with exH. I guess in some ways, this one did too because it had to do with how much exH effed with my head, and how much I worry about something going wrong with D.
I tell D I didn't know how *easy* a relationship could be until I met him, and now it is FUN to work at it. If that makes sense.
I think what you're feeling and going through is natural. You've got to be a little suspicious after Super Douche and now you've got a son to worry about. You realize what's going on and that's important. I think it's just something you're going to have to deal with.
I haven't started dating yet and won't for quite some time, but I'm sure when I do I'm not going to have an easy time trusting that something isn't being hidden from me or I'm not being lied to. However, I think it's a good thing because I've always been too trusting in the past. People are gonna have to earn it from me from now on!
Nope, not to early for a drink...it's Friday!
I hear you. Everything looks like a red flag. Why do you think it's taken me 8 years to marry my FI? Because on one hand you feel like your personal judge of character is flawed and if you were so easily hoodwinked before you sure as hell aren't going to be going through that again. Till you realized your overdrived oversensitive system is the flawed one.
You were put in a situation where you had no experience with you couldn't have forecasted b/c you were dealin with unknowns, a swirling choas of lies and desperately holding on to the dream of a family and relationship you thought you were supposed to have.
Now you are faced w/ a new situation and it looks like the both the normal healthy relationships you've had or experienced and sometimes and it looks like how the new part of the dysfunctional scary relationship you jsut pulled yourself out of.
The only way to determine which one it is, it to take it really slow and be honest with him and yourself. You just got out of a terrible relationship, you're a little skittish. Taking it slow only enhances the friendship and trust of any relationship.
My dad gave me sage advice once:
"A friend can always become a lover but a lover can't always become a friend"