I'm sick of not being able to plan anything (pity party mentioned)

Scout05 · July 2010

because I MIGHT be pregnant.

Given that my RE and OB agree that I will be on travel restrictions if and when we are pregnant again, it makes it impossible to really plan for trips, weddings, etc.

I know. Small sacrifice. And it is.

But it effects DH, my friends who are getting married, my friends who have invited us on vacations with them, my mom and sister who keep wanting a Vegas girl's weekend. And me because damn it, I could use a break from all this.

And so I say no because I can't really commit right now, and then the time comes and goes, and instead of being pregnant, I am in the process of yet another loss.

I don't know how to take a break from all this now that the momentum is going, with the injectibles, and the Lovenox...I've put too much in to stop now. But at the same time, I'm at my limit. I really am.

Sorry. It's been a poor me kind of week, which is wonderfully attractive.

KelinandKevin · July 2010

Complain away. I still think your sexy as hell!

I know what you mean. I have literally become a hermit because the doctor doesn't want me getting my heart rate above 140 or getting too much sun or doing anything that would involve any kind of excessive movement. That and we are broke from the damn IVF so that leaves me sitting at home, applying for jobs and being totally crazy. I hate having to act like I am pregnant when I have no clue if I am or not... hopefully this all pays off....

Hang in there, you can't stop now... like you said, you have too much into it already. I know how you feel.

dandyelle · July 2010

(((hugs))) I think it sucks more because it's not like this for everyone, just some of us.

I heart you, and I hope you have such good news soon that it will wash away all of the frustration, anger, and sadness.

In the meantime, throwing a pity party catered by Ben & Jerry is NEVER a bad idea. The Doodle reminds you that she probably loves ice cream, too.

ShellShockedMama · July 2010

I think you're allowed to have those kind of weeks.

I think you have every right to feel this way, I mean, yes it's for a great cause however you have so much revolving around ttc and maybe being pregnant and all that entails that you can't just stop and enjoy something without wondering how this is going to affect a certain cycle, a doctor's appointment, etc. etc. etc.

I'm sorry Sad it shouldn't be this hard.

KristysRedBarn · July 2010

I'm sorry Allison, it does suck. It really sucks when ttc rules your life, but there are no guarantees.

BeachCole · July 2010

I'm sorry sweetheart. You certainly have every right to be at your wits end with all of this, and I know that must be so frustrating to have to live your life that way and feel like you can't stop. I hate that it has to be like this for you. Keeping you in my thoughts honey. I so hope this works out soon for you.

bbhalphen · July 2010

I know, everything has to be planned around TTC and possible pregnancies. Sad

Also, if you don't mind me asking, why did they say you couldn't fly? I have a feeling that something happened to my baby last time when I flew.

ColindaP · July 2010

That's why I just go ahead and plan everything as though I will ever have a viable pregnancy. All the hand-wringing over these decisions shapes up to be pointless, every time.

out of curiosity, will you not be allowed to travel during the entire pregnancy? How far do they consider to be "travel"?

grr_aargh · July 2010

Are you kidding me? You SHOULD be sick of it. Yes, it's worth it in the end, YES it BLOWS that it's so hard, but man oh man, you've been at it for over a year and it's been a year full of BS.

Of COURSE you're sick of it, kwim? You'd be insane not to be.

So unload when you need to and do so without reserve. We still think you're a hottie.

And AWESOME.

3ltlones · July 2010

I'm sorry, that really stinks and I can understand why it upsets you. You do need a break from all of it and I'm really sorry that you can't do that right now. Hugs.

jdeats71 · July 2010

Oh hon - I feel the same way. Can't commit to anything "in case" you may be pregnant......its such a mind fvck. We may have to cancel an upcoming trip if it interfers with our next IUI. but I don't want to cancel......but I don't want to waste a cycle. but then if it doesn't work and move to IVF.....well then other plans get fvcked in the process.

I'm so sorry Allison. I hope you get your BFP this cycle and then can make life's plans like you should be able to. ((((hugs))))

butterfly843 · July 2010

I know how you feel. I am tired of saving my days off at work for dr appt's, ivf, etc. I miss the days were we would travel all the time. All I keep thinking what if I am pg, I will be high risk, will need a cerclage so I never plan anything anymore.

babes12 · July 2010

(((hugs))) although i'm not on injections or anything of the like but i still find myself not planning things or not wanting to plan things b/c i might be pg. etc.... it's annoying. i'm sorry.

rjl07 · July 2010

I totally understand too. I have to stop and think before accepting any invitation or thinking about a trip or even going shopping. I have barely bought new clothes in 2 years because I constantly think "next month I'll be pregnant and I'll never wear this again". Of course this just adds to all our stress about TTC which doesn't help.

I like the Ben & Jerry's idea...DH may be sent out to pick some up soon.

lindsay.lou · July 2010

You have every right to complain because it's not fair that fertiles don't even have to think about this_shit.

I'm sure you won't mind not traveling when you're pregnant, the sacrifice would be SO worth it.

BUT....not planning travel due to a "maybe" pregnancy is just obnoxiously annoying.

Scout05 · July 2010

BeachCole:
I'm sorry sweetheart. You certainly have every right to be at your wits end with all of this, and I know that must be so frustrating to have to live your life that way and feel like you can't stop. I hate that it has to be like this for you. Keeping you in my thoughts honey. I so hope this works out soon for you.

It's just their protocol with high risk patients. No flying, no traveling more than four hours away. That last one I think is BS and I might ignore to go to my ILs in Ohio - to my FIL and SIL who are OBs and who have a high risk OB in their practice. I think that should be exempt.

I think the flying thing is just because they don't know, so they say no. You know?

writergirl5786 · July 2010

((hugs)) i totally understand.

for me, i'm trying to figure out if i should audition for the upcoming shakespeare play. gah! plus then i found out the shows they'll be performing next summer and i'd LOVE to do one. however...i don't know how possible it would really be. if i think FH thoughts and get ktfu right away and actually make it to 9 months id be due in april and rehearsals start in april. if we dont get pg and stay pg i could end up pg during next summers run of shows...sighs...who knows. life sucks for the infertile...for so many reasons

((HUGS))

sunshinenva · July 2010

Allison I am sorry for what your going through. I struggle with the same questions and afterwards I feel guilty for even feeling "put out" by the TTC mission.

I am praying you get your BFP soon!

OCIrishBruin · July 2010

Huge (((hugs))). You have every right to complain about this. It is annoying not to be able to do the things you want to do. I really really hope this doesn't last too much longer for you.

Court1 · July 2010

Hugs love. I know the pain. And after all this time, we could all use a break....or, preferably, to move on with a healthy pregnancy

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