Want to join my party?

robynss · July 2010

I have been just reading everyone's info from my iphone and have had a problem responding through that so I am finally at my computer. My party, it feels like another freaking pity party. DH was out of town the past few days, which was a nice change of pace since he never goes away, but AF came this morning instead. DH will be back tomorrow but he doesn't seem to totally understand how it feels each time you go to the bathroom and pray that AF won't be there...or counting the days to test. I really don't want to go throught the IVF process but have to finally admit that that is the way we may have to go. We have been through all of the tests now... CD3, which was fine, HSG-totally clear, 2 SA and the second had 90% motility, and CD19 (for Progesterone) which was at 20.7. Which all signs seem to say that nothing is wrong....but my pity party tonight consist of frustration, anger, annoyance, white wine and the worst food I could possibly make! DH comes home tonight and he will find me curled up on the couch hopefully all cried out that he won't notice the frustration this month!

How do you get through this? We were so good this past month and the FF has been a savior. DH is starting a new job this month so I am sure that he will be stressed out and then not be willing to TTC because he is too tired, or some excuse and then, I go through this all again!

I know you have been to a party like mine,...so what gets you over the heartache? I feel like I did when everyone else had gotten married and I was the last one I knew at 33 to still be single. Now at 36, everyone I know have kids, some that aren't even the greatest mothers...and that is all I want to be in life more than the great career that I have...again, what is the trick to getting over this every freaking month?!?!?

ALF222 · July 2010

I'm so sorry! I don't have any words of wisdom, but working on cycle #5, I can tell you that I feel exactly the same way every time AF shows up. Luckily for me, I always feel better the next day and am able find something to look forward to about not being PG. I will often go to sushi, drink lots of wine, or get in the hot tub, just because I can! This past cycle, I booked a trip to Ireland and I felt instantly better. I realize not everyone can just book a vacation, but you need to do something nice for yourself. Maybe a massage or pedicure? This is just what works for me. Again, I'm so sorry about AF. I'll cross my fingers that you bet your BFP this cycle!

robynss · July 2010

Thanks, you are right! I should do something for myself! DH surprised me and came home early and I have polished off the bottle of wine and immediately started crying and telling him how i felt like and failure. He couldn't help but start tearing up too saying it was his fault...no one's fault of course...but this feeling sure does suck! I know I will be over it tomorrow and enjoy having my sister and her kids in town this weekend (with just enough patience for her to ask me 100 questions about TTC).

I will get through it...just wish this feeling didn't have to show up every month. The good news and bad news is that my cycle is a consistent 25 days...that means the disappointment comes sooner! Ugh!

Thanks again, Robyn

kinsalebride · July 2010

for me it always helped to focus on the big picture and the end goal of having a beautiful healthy baby and becoming a mom. that is what gave me the strength to push forward after 2 natural mcs to try IUI and eventually IVF to conceive DD#1, which took 2 years in total. yes, i cried and felt horrible many many times but you just have to lean on your spouse during those times and also find other things to keep you busy and make you happy so it's not just tunnel vision on TTC.

jcath · July 2010

For me - it usually helps just to be sad on CD1 - by CD2 I'm moving on to planning for the next month. I also try (really try) to remember just b/c I'm not pregant this month does not mean I won't get pregnant.

cupcakeandmoose · July 2010

Got room for one more?

I wish I had the answer. I wish I knew how to make the heart not hurt so bad. I admitted to my DH (over text) once I got to work this morning that the early preg test I had taken this morning was negative. He didn't know I was testing this morning. I'm on cd 25 so I thought there was a chance something might show up.

I told him that I didn't tell him in person because I actually feel ashamed, like a failure. It is easier for me to share the sad news with a friend than him because I feel like I'm letting him down. He said he didn't feel let down and that he knows our day will come. This is one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride for me as well.

nikilouhoo · July 2010

A day late but I'll join in, too. I wish I had the magic answer to make the heartache go away, but I don't. Like the others, I usually give myself a window of time to do the "poor me," but then try and move on to the all the positives - sushi and wine are two favorites for me, too.

I'm kind of a control freak, so I finding one more positive thing I can do to improve my chances is helpful, too. This month, I'm going to add Pre-seed and fertility smoothies. Will it work? Maybe. Does it make me feel better knowing I'm doing more? Definitely.

I know it's so hard when your family and freinds seem to have children so easily and we struggle.I hope today is brighter for you and wish you good luck this cycle!

ForTheLoveOf Pink · July 2010

robynss:

not be willing to TTC because he is too tired, or some excuse and then, I go through this all again!

I know you have been to a party like mine,...so what gets you over the heartache? I feel like I did when everyone else had gotten married and I was the last one I knew at 33 to still be single. Now at 36, everyone I know have kids, some that aren't even the greatest mothers...and that is all I want to be in life more than the great career that I have...again, what is the trick to getting over this every freaking month?!?!?

OMG this is a party that I have been to many times. It is unfortunate that people must attend....and I'm real sorry I don't have the answers. My "wedding pity party" lasted until I was 39.....woe is me for sure. As others have said: you for sure feel like something is eating at you daily then ofcourse there is CD1, which calls for a larger bottle of wine. Each day is different and somedays yup you are sad but others there is that tiny feeling of HOPE......we have to just go with that!!!!!

robynss · July 2010

You are right...today is a better day and I was able to take my pity party leftovers to work and share the joy with others! Thanks for your thoughts...I am so glad that you have had the big picture at least once and hope that the second comes soon!

robynss · July 2010

Great point! Thanks!

robynss · July 2010

Always room for someone who understands! Hang in there...I guess everyone is right that CD2 is easier and knowing that the O day is only ten days away isn't bad. You have three kids already, you should feel so blessed and hopefully next month will be the month for both of us! Hang in there...this site is so great to have. I hated having DH see me as a basket case last night!

robynss · July 2010

I wish I liked sushi...but make up for it in vino! Feeling better....going to be very veggie oriented this month! Thanks for the tip...hope this is your cycle month too!

robynss · July 2010

HOPE it is! Thanks, my party is feeling better today! Let's try to miss out on this party next month! :-) Wink

Snickers2005 · July 2010

I can totally relate. I was the second to last of my friends to get married at 35. I did have one friend who had issues getting pregnant - it took them close to two years. But, they conceived their second daughter on the first try.

I'm currently on cycle #7 in my TWW window. Blech. I hate the waiting. It's always waiting for something - to O, to test. It certainly doesn't help either, when well meaning people say, "It happens when you don't expect it." Well, no kidding, but when you are on a big time crunch, you can't wait around for it to happen!

There is some great advice here and it's nice to be where others understand the predicament.

cupcakeandmoose · July 2010

robynss:
Always room for someone who understands! Hang in there...I guess everyone is right that CD2 is easier and knowing that the O day is only ten days away isn't bad. You have three kids already, you should feel so blessed and hopefully next month will be the month for both of us! Hang in there...this site is so great to have. I hated having DH see me as a basket case last night!

It does get easier a few days into the period, you find new things to try and somehow manage to find new hope that THIS will be the magic month! I do have three kids already, and I'm very grateful for each one of them. I feel guilty even being on here because of that. It just doesn't change the fact that my experience (memories) with each of those pregnancies was more or less sad. Now that I've found someone who is REALLY the man I need, I'm so anxious to have the right kind of joy and experience that this deserves. Someone to share not only the pregnancy, and childbirth with me but parenthood as well. I was cheated out of that with my children's father and I want more than anything to have just one child the right way.

Didn't mean to ramble.

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