WWYD? (re: SIL and potential IF)

rjl07 · July 2010

My BIL (DH's sister's husband) told DH months ago that they had been TTC since September. She's 35 and I'm pretty sure she's still not pregnant yet. I would love to talk to her about it, but BIL said she doesn't know that he told my DH. I have no idea if either of them have any issues or if they have gone to the RE yet.

There's a chance that she could qualify for the same trial that I'm doing and I would hate for her to miss out on free IVF (if she needs it) because they are obviously keeping quiet about TTC. DH is the type that totally minds his own business and won't want to get involved. I'm going to see her next Saturday so I'm trying to figure out if I should just tell her what I'm doing and see if she opens up. If she doesn't then I'll just leave it alone, but I would feel bad if she didn't at least know the option is possibly out there. WWYD?

JuJuBe3 · July 2010

Do they know you are TTC and what steps you've taken? I'm wondering if you shared your story, if you're comfortable, if that might spark her to speak up if she needs help.

rjl07 · July 2010

They know about our first loss since we were the idiots that had to announce on Christmas Day before I even saw the OB, but we have never discussed it since. I guess they probably assume we're still trying, but it has never come up. DH's family is really close (he's one of 5) and we see them all the time, but we don't talk much about this stuff. I would love for DH just to tell his BIL since they have already talked about it, but I doubt that will happen.

KristysRedBarn · July 2010

I would tell her what your doing then mention that if you knew someone who's struggling with IF that you sure wouldn't want them to miss out on this great opportunity. Then wait and see what she says if anything. It's really hard to know what if anything to say in a situation like that because you want to help but still respect their privacy.

JuJuBe3 · July 2010

That's a tough call. I mean, you'd hate to bring it up to her if it ends up upsetting her, but if it's something you could help each other with, then it could really be a good thing.

schen0510 · July 2010

If you are going to see her next Saturday and are comfortable with sharing what you guys are going through then I say go for it. She could open up in which case you would be a total help to them. And if she doesn't...then you will just need to let it be.

I share our story and what we have gone through with many people. I feel like by opening up I could potentially help someone else that has struggled with IF that may have been nervous or unaware of what is available.

GL!

jdeats71 · July 2010

Your plan sounds exactly like what I would do. Just be open and honest about what you and your DH are doing and she may give decide to talk to you about what they are going through. Some people are very private about IF.....I am not one of those people. But since there is free IVF on the line, I would definitely want to share that info.

Is it too late for me to move to PA so I can jump on this free IVF train? I'm beyond happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

BeachCole · July 2010

I would tell her what your doing then mention that if you knew someone who's struggling with IF that you sure wouldn't want them to miss out on this great opportunity.

I like this idea of Kristy's. It leaves it nice and open for her to express interest, and if she doesn't say anything, then you can still easily move on in conversation. That's really sweet to think of her possible quiet struggles and I hope you can have a really good talk.

rjl07 · July 2010

Thanks! I'll try to figure out a way to casually bring it up to her. I haven't discussed it much with DH, but I get the feeling he doesn't really want to tell his family much about it so I have to be sensitive to that too. I just know if the situation was reversed I would want to know about it and would love to have someone to talk to about it.

ade2be · July 2010

toddandjulie:
if you shared your story, if you're comfortable, if that might spark her to speak up if she needs help.

I've found that most people will open up with their stories of IF and losses if you share first. Maybe you guys can chat about your struggles and she will "reveal" to you her struggles?

rjl07 · July 2010

jdeats71:

Your plan sounds exactly like what I would do. Just be open and honest about what you and your DH are doing and she may give decide to talk to you about what they are going through. Some people are very private about IF.....I am not one of those people. But since there is free IVF on the line, I would definitely want to share that info.

Is it too late for me to move to PA so I can jump on this free IVF train? I'm beyond happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jen - I have an extra bedroom for you! Pack your bags and get out here!!!

shaysmom05 · July 2010

I agree with the others. Just start conversation about what you guys are doing and how there's a trial going on that you're excited about. Don't push it too hard or else she'll figure that her hubby mentioned something.

jdeats71 · July 2010

rjl07:
jdeats71:

Your plan sounds exactly like what I would do. Just be open and honest about what you and your DH are doing and she may give decide to talk to you about what they are going through. Some people are very private about IF.....I am not one of those people. But since there is free IVF on the line, I would definitely want to share that info.

Is it too late for me to move to PA so I can jump on this free IVF train? I'm beyond happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jen - I have an extra bedroom for you! Pack your bags and get out here!!!

::::runs to pack bags for PA::::: Big Smile

ColindaP · July 2010

Could DH mention it to his brother?

triple_sevens · July 2010

BeachCole:
I would tell her what your doing then mention that if you knew someone who's struggling with IF that you sure wouldn't want them to miss out on this great opportunity.
I like this idea of Kristy's. It leaves it nice and open for her to express interest, and if she doesn't say anything, then you can still easily move on in conversation. That's really sweet to think of her possible quiet struggles and I hope you can have a really good talk.

Ditto all of this. I think this is incredibly compassionate of you to think of your SIL and BIL like this when you're going through so much yourself. They might not be at the stage yet to share there struggles or to consider IVF, but by giving them the info, you've done all you can to help while also respecting their privacy.

butterfly843 · July 2010

I would find a way to talk about what you guys are going through. It might help her open up.

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