How do you charge family for services? (very long -with cookies!)

rebus82 · July 2010

DH is a computer guy. He's mainly a server person, but he deals with all varieties of computer issues all day, every day. He loves his job, but it is not something he enjoys doing for free, understandably.

His family is terrible, TERRIBLE, about taking advantage of his kindly disposition and computer know-how. It's gotten to the point that his family is volunteering him to other people. If they had to go to Best Buy (or similar) some of the stuff he's done would have cost upwards of $300 (not sure if that's per case or per hour). One friend of SIL got us a restaurant GC as a thank you (which was very nice since DH did decline their offer to pay) but otherwise, no one ever offers any compensation. MIL has some issue that needs fixing (usually porn-related viruses) on a monthly basis. It's getting ridiculous.

He's supposed to be going over to MIL's tonight to fix one of his aunt's computers (we never see this woman, we don't really like her). To me, this is the last straw. I want him to start charging everyone except SIL and MIL (who both occasionally babysit for us). Not Geek Squad prices, but something. He is giving up his precious free time to fix these issues, and often barely gets a "thanks" in return. Hell, one of his aunts (not the one with the current issue) is about to buy a million dollar house, but has never so much as offered to pay for our take-out in return for his help (which he seems to do every time she visits).

How would you lay down the "okay, I need to get paid for this" line without coming off as a total ass (or should he not care about sounding rude)? I'm sure they'll all be offended, because, you know, "they're family" but I'm tired of him working for free. He's tired of it too, and hasn't been remotely shy about saying how much he hates working on computers off the clock. Also, how much should he charge? I think basic computer repairs at BB run $100-$300 for in-home, depending on the issue (though extra work costs more). DH used to work for the Geek Squad, he definitely knows what he's doing, BTW.

And if you got this far, thanks. Here you go:

Breezer80 · July 2010

My DH does heating and air conditioning work, and has the same exact problem. BUT, from time to time people do offer him $$ and he declines it out of politeness, and then they never offer again. This summer he has worked more weekends than not on other peoples systems, missing the only free time with me and the babe, and not taking $$ for it. Its a little different because he just refuses to accept the $$, but then b!tches about the amount of work he has to do .... frustrating!

Mrs.Hizzo · July 2010

I think I'd just have him take it up with his mom. He just needs to tell her that he's happy to help both her and SIL, but to please stop volunteering his time to other people.

rebus82 · July 2010

Mrs.Hizzo:
I think I'd just have him take it up with his mom. He just needs to tell her that he's happy to help both her and SIL, but to please stop volunteering his time to other people.

I think that's part of the problem. MIL has a major martyr complex. If he told her "Mom, please stop telling people I'll help", she'd just throw a hissy fit and refuse to speak to him for a week (or longer).

Actually, when she called the other day to ask him about his aunt's computer, he was in a pretty bad mood (our AC is dead and will cost $6k to replace) and told her he hated doing repairs for people he has nothing to do with. Instead of understanding or even commenting about the AC, she turned it into a pity-party for herself. "Oh, I'm soooo sorry I asked you to help with a FAMILY computer problem. I'll neeeever do it again. Helping family must be sooooo difficult." Then when he called her on it (saying it as if he never helps), she hung up on him and only called him back yesterday to find out if he was going to fix the stupid computer! I don't even think she asked how B was doing in this sweltering heat.

This is why I think he needs to start charging, rather than refusing to do the work. It's gotten to the point where his services are expected, not requested.

mkaltsas · July 2010

If I didn't know better I would have thought I wrote this post. My dh is in the same position with computers. I cringe all the time when I hear anyone ask a computer related question when we are in a social setting or with family. Basically he has been taking longer to get to their problems and makes them aware what the going rate is per hour. He flat out says, if you want me to fix it or look at it, I charge x amount or something along those lines. If he wants to get paid, he will have to be firm or they will continue. They may get upset but one trip to Best Buy and they will change their tune.

Mrs.Hizzo · July 2010

rebus82:
Mrs.Hizzo:
I think I'd just have him take it up with his mom. He just needs to tell her that he's happy to help both her and SIL, but to please stop volunteering his time to other people.
I think that's part of the problem. MIL has a major martyr complex. If he told her "Mom, please stop telling people I'll help", she'd just throw a hissy fit and refuse to speak to him for a week (or longer).
Actually, when she called the other day to ask him about his aunt's computer, he was in a pretty bad mood (our AC is dead and will cost $6k to replace) and told her he hated doing repairs for people he has nothing to do with. Instead of understanding or even commenting about the AC, she turned it into a pity-party for herself. "Oh, I'm soooo sorry I asked you to help with a FAMILY computer problem. I'll neeeever do it again. Helping family must be sooooo difficult." Then when he called her on it (saying it as if he never helps), she hung up on him and only called him back yesterday to find out if he was going to fix the stupid computer! I don't even think she asked how B was doing in this sweltering heat.
This is why I think he needs to start charging, rather than refusing to do the work. It's gotten to the point where his services are expected, not requested.

Well, one way or the other, he's going to need to stand up to her. Either he tells her no, he won't do it, or he tells her "Sure, but I've decided to start charging $X an hour. It's a great discount from what she'd pay anyone else to do it." If he won't do that, he's just going to be stuck working for free, and that would suck.

rebus82 · July 2010

mkaltsas:
He flat out says, if you want me to fix it or look at it, I charge x amount or something along those lines. If he wants to get paid, he will have to be firm or they will continue. They may get upset but one trip to Best Buy and they will change their tune.

I think this is what it's going to come down to. I'm going to tell him, stop being nice and after this time, flat out say "I charge X amount for this, X amount for this, or X amount per hour. I'll be happy to help, but with our bills mounting, I need compensation. If you're rather go to Best Buy or another place, I won't be offended."

CalinsBride · July 2010

Mmm, cookies.

I'm so hungry!

Anyhoo. I don't think it would be a good idea for him to right off the bat just say he's going to start charging. I would personally just say "when I'm not at work, that's my family time. Fixing everyone's computer's is being like a second job and I don't want a second job, especially when I'm not getting paid. In order to be fair to everyone (except my mom and sister, who babysit, so its a trade), I'm not going to be doing any more computer work for anyone." Then if they offer to pay he can accept. If not, tough shiit. I hate when family takes advantage.

ljlkm · July 2010

I am totally passive-aggressive. If it were me, I'd fiddle on the computer for a while and then tell them I don't know how to fix it. If you do that a couple of times, they'll stop asking.

EcoBaby · July 2010

ITA with Mrs.Hizzo.

I don't know what prices run in your area, or what they even are in my area anymore, but my friend used to charge $40/hour. However, she had a family/friend rate of $35 or something like that. That way, she could still act like she was cutting them a deal without sounding like a jerk (even though I don't think she would be a jerk for charging full price - it just smoothed the situation over).

RaphSandra2005 · July 2010

I totally understand how frustrating that must be! My FIL actually asked DH a computer question when we called to check in from our honeymoon in Italy. Um, really?!

I'm with the PPs who have said your DH needs to suck it up with his mom and ask her not to volunteer his services. If she makes a stink about it, so be it. If he does want to help someone who asks, the compensation convo has to happen up front, or it's "sorry, too busy, can't do it."

electricdoctor83 · July 2010

My DH is an electrician and he gets asked all the time to do little side jobs from family members. He doesn't charge them either, but a few of the jobs were pretty big and took a lot of time. DH just said if they feel like they need to pay then they can take us out to dinner or something, but he doesn't expect them to. We've been on quite a few dinners with family Wink

The only job he did that probably should have been for money was his uncle's new house. He did almost all of the electrical work and he wasn't paid a dime Angry

LawLove08 · July 2010

I feel your pain to a certain extent. ?DH and I are both attorneys, and our friends are ALWAYS asking for legal advice. ?Here's the thing, though: with the exception of our families/very close friends (i.e. people we actually care about helping), we just say "no." ?Your husband needs to do the same thing. ?He needs to say "I'm sorry, but I just don't have time, but if you take your computer to ______(store), they should be able to solve your problem." ?And he needs to tell his mother and sister to stop volunteering him for these types of things.?

Echowysp · July 2010

We don't charge family for things. I would feel really weird accepting money (or even a gift card) from them. They do things for us that we can't do (like electrical work). I think it's what family should do for each other.

Now, being farmed out to family's friends is different. I would just say no to that.

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