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moms, how do you do it all?
So lately I've been feeling a little overwhelmed at home......so much to do around the house (like all the cleaning and organizing I did before the baby seems futile), so much to do to get ready for school to start (like the 4/6 books I still have to read for summer reading), of course caring for Anne, trying to stay healthy myself and back into an exercise routine, etc. etc.
How do you do it? Like right now, she's napping, and I have so much to do that it's hard for me to choose what needs my focus first. And God forbid I actually want to rest myself! I know it seems like the easy answer is make a list and prioritize, or get set on a good routine. I make lists and yet I still feel slightly crazed. I know a good part of it is that we just got home from two weeks of traveling, so I should be a little easier on myself and our house messiness, but still....
It freaks me out that DH and I are both home this summer, not working, and I'm feeling like this. What is going to happen when he's in school and I'm back at work? Is it crazy that I think it might be easier because we will have a set routine?
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Re: moms, how do you do it all?
The the attitude I take is 'You don't have to do it all. Just do what's important.'
My main goal in a day is to make sure the kids are happy and fed. Luckily, both kids are great at running errands so that helps a lot. We also do things for them (you know the usual - zoo, parks, splash parks, pool, playing with friends, etc.)
When DS naps, DD helps me around the house. This is part of our time together. We do laundry, dishwasher, sweeping, vacuuming, etc. Something important I've learned with these things is that if you stay on top of them, they don't get overwhelming. Our house is ALWAYS picked up (except the kids playroom). It's not always clean.
When DH gets home, we eat dinner and then he spends time with the kids so I can get more time consuming stuff done (ironing, mowing and other outdoor work, in the near future, I will have to organize the kids clothes for fall and see what we need to buy). Then the kids are in bed by 8:30, so DH and I have 1.5 hours together to do whatever before we go to bed.
I used to exercise, but that stopped when DS became mobile. I could do it when he naps, but I usually forget about it. Like right now..lol. I'd rather sit at my computer for the time being.
But really, your LO is 3 months old. You probably don't have a routine yet. It will come and things will be MUCH easier. Don't fret :-)I was extremely overwhelmed when I first went back to work and had to put T in daycare. Getting everything ready (washing bottles and pump parts, making bottles, labeling bottles...you get the picture) for the next day of daycare was enough to put me over the edge.
Honestly, don't try to do everything yourself. Make lists and post them where you can both see them and know what needs to be done. Make your DH help you, even if he has classes or studying.
Realize that you're going to feel completely overwhelmed the first several weeks (or months) and that's normal. You will fall into a routine and you will figure out what works for you and your family.
I so wish that there was a good answer to this question. Because in my opinion, doing it all is difficult. I feel like there never really is enough time to do everything.
For me, I just came to a realization that I will do one thing at a time and if it doesn't all get done today, then there is always tomorrow. In some ways, it will get more predictable when you are working, but maybe not easier. Because when you are home, you'll want to spend every second you can with Annie, not doing dishes and laundry. For me, that meant not worrying about house stuff right after work, just playing with Nick. After he went to bed, I'd do bottles and then maybe one other thing. But you need time to relax too! I try to take full advantage of nap time on weekends to get stuff done. I also make more simple meals than I used to, that require less clean up.
I'm not sure if this is really helpful but really, I just do the best I can. I totally get what you are saying about having so many things on the list that you don't know where to start. My best advice is to just do one thing at a time and go from there.
You probably don't want to hear this but its been over 7 months for us and I am only working 25 hours a week right now and I still don't know how to "get it all done."
I think you and your DH just have to agree that you will try to get what you can done, but if certain things don't get done you agree that neither of you are going to freak out about it. We both just kind of warn each other, like if one of us feels like the house, dishes, etc. are getting out of control we will both just put all our effort towards that after Leah's down for the night or on weekend during naps, so that we both keep our sanity.
I have no idea how a working, BF mom of a child under the age of one goes to the gym, when/if you figure that out let me know. The only thing I've been able to work in are stroller walks.
I think just at this point I'm starting to feel like I can get a little bit more done, but if we don't get child gates up soon that is going to change b/c now my child is all over our house and I have to watch her every minute b/c she might dart for something I haven't figured out I need to child-proof yet.
I think this is why PPD can come to a head between 4-6 months, I think those were probably the hardest for me. You are going back to work, trying to figure everything out, and also coming to the realization that certain things are not going to be the "way you like them" for awhile.
Sorry that was long.
For me, it boiled down to two things:
1. A friend's mom (whose opinion I totally respect) told me, "At the end of the day if your child is alive, warm, fed, and you have played with him....it has been a great day. The rest of the stuff is gravy." Honestly, the relief I felt when she said that made me cry.
2. Hire somebody to clean your house. Doesn't have to be every week. Maybe even once a month for the heavy lifting (bathrooms pristine, floors mopped, etc). Give up your old ideas of what a "clean" house should be.
Once I got those two things into my head and into the game plan, life was SOOOOO much better. Good luck! You will figure it out!!!
I read all of these responses because I know this will be an issue for me when we have kids.
I already struggle with the fact that things are not "the way I want them to be" and I'm not a mom yet. Among very long work days, my commute, fixing some semblance of a dinner, squeezing in some time to work out, I barely have time to clean or pick up let alone spend time with DH.
I know I will have to let my standards drop.
Regarding exercise: this is what scares me the most. I want to keep my weight down post-baby but with everything that has to get done, how will it happen?
My SIL has a 2-yr-old and a 10-mo old, works full time, and runs everyday -- at lunch. She quickly showers but doesn't wash her hair. However, she's lucky -- not everyone can get away at lunch! Where I work, we have important meetings through lunch.
I completely agree with this statement. Months 4-6 were probably the absolute hardest for me and that's when DH and I had a serious talk about the management of our family. It's also when I made the decision to go part-time at work.
I think the key is: you don't.
The idea that you can is a complete myth - something will always be falling through the cracks, and you have to come to peace w/ that. At least I did.
Anyway, my goal is to figure out what is important to me and my family and get those things done. If that means the house isn't perfect, oh well. If it means I don't get to exercise that day, oh well. If it means that Jackson and I didn't get out of the house until after noon, oh well.
The best thing you can do is probably have a committed and helpful partner - after that, picking and choosing what is a priority. And really, down time of doing nothing is important too, so keep that in mind and don't overdo it.
I can't express how happy it makes me to see that all these responses are similar. Sometimes I get annoyed when you hear "people" talk about having and doing it all...there just are not enough hours in the day. Glad to know I'm not the only one that has to pick and choose.
And I totally agree about exercise, unless you can do it at lunch, if you work, I don't see when there is time.
THIS!!!
Wow, thank you all so much for your responses and support. ?I will be taking all of your messages to heart and will be saving this post to reread when the times get tough!!?
I'm way late and have very little that's new and different to say, but Jocelyn, I promise you, it does get easier.
Exactly all of that.
I think looking back, I didn't feel settled into a routine until probably 6ish months. My circumstances might be a little unique (traveling so much for work at 3-6m post-partum) but the feelings of being overwhelmed were the same.
Ditto Beth - you simply don't do it all. Something gives. For me, it's the small stuff like sending greeting cards to friends and family, cooking awesome dinners nightly, smaller gardening projects, making sure my floor is swept, etc.
I also think some of the anxiety comes from the unknown. Wondering how you're going to handle it when work starts is almost tougher than actually handling it when the time comes.
One day at a time.
Kiss your husband every day.
Hug your baby every day.
Find something to make you laugh or even just smile every day.
And if things are tough, talk to someone! Feeling overwhelmed doesn't equate to PPD, but like the others mentioned, there seem to be some pretty clear patterns that might lead down that road for some women.
((hugs))
You're doing so awesome. Anne is healthy! She's growing! The rest will work itself out.
Hang in there!
It's tough. I agree with not trying to do it all. Let your house be a mess. Use laundry out of the basket. Eat frozen pizza. Soon it'll get easier! Also accept help when you can!
I'm totally with you here. The days seem like a blur of baby-tending and leave very little time to do much else, even tend to yourself! Much less the house, the laundry, etc...it just has to be ok for the time being. It's absolute chaos and most days feels like a mad dash between the time DH gets home, then dinner, feedings, bath, bed, etc., but I have high hopes that it will get better with time.
I'm trying to take all these good tips and apply them too. One day at a time!!