getting to know you: poll about your ex situation

alibabbbs · July 2010

How long were you with your ex?

Were you married, and if so, for how long?

When did you break up?

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons?

alibabbbs · July 2010

Together 7 years

Married for almost 5

Broke up 5 months ago

Totally his decision, because the baby was too much responsibility for him

ShanJosh777 · July 2010

Together 5 years

Married for 1.5 years before separating. Technically we're still married, 3 years in July.

I left the first time in November 2008, when DS was 5 months.

Mostly mine.

ETA: To clarify - I was the one who left, but that was a direct result of him deciding that he never really wanted to get married or have kids, so he felt he could start acting accordingly.

dimake · July 2010

Together for ten years.

Married for six this past May.

Separated last June, right after our five-year anniversary.

His decision - he "didn't feel like being married anymore". Found out later on he was having an affair.

sweetie0228 · July 2010

alibabbbs:

How long were you with your ex? Nov 1995-Nov 2002 (divorce finalized april 2005)

Were you married, and if so, for how long? 5 long years

When did you break up? I told him to leave on Thanksgiving after dinner w/ my family 2002

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? It was my decision to leave. His favorite way to tell me he loved me was to push me down the stairs and tell me that he would call my father to pick up the trash. Also, after 5 or so years of abuse (emotional physical, finanical and sexual) I was already beginning another relationship w/ my now 10 days away from being my DH. I had checked out of the relationship years before I left I was just on auto pilot and surviving.

*megeliza* · July 2010

Together for 6 years

Married for two so far, not divorced yet.

Officially left his in January of this year.

Completely his decision. He cheated on my once last summer then found out about the second in December. Stupidly, I would have at least attempted to work on things if he had any desire to, but he had already moved on.

monkey_mama09 · July 2010

Together for almost 2 1/2 years. We technically weren't together when I got pregnant.... I was just stupid enough to let him talk me into coming up to the house one night. After I found out I was pregnant, I fully expected (after deciding to actually keep the baby) that I would be doing the whole thing on my own.... but he said he really wanted to see where things went with us and I fell for it. So off/on for a year... on for almost a year and a half. We were never married.

We broke up in May.

It was my decision to leave. But my decision was the result of him deciding to slvt around with someone else.

r9stedt · July 2010

alibabbbs:

How long were you with your ex? 3.5 years

Were you married, and if so, for how long? 1.5 years

When did you break up? Late november/early december

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? I was the one who told him I didn't think this would work. Then I told him i wanted to try, and he told me he didn't want to.

kirbear · July 2010

How long were you with your ex? 6 years

Were you married, and if so, for how long? Almost 3

When did you break up? We were divorced March 2008

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? His, he couldn't deal with being a dad and having to put his child before his own needs. Still can't deal with it!

achase123 · July 2010

alibabbbs:

How long were you with your ex?

Were you married, and if so, for how long?

When did you break up?

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons?

Super Douche and I were together for about 7 years-married for 3.5 when I filed for divorce.

It was MY decision 150%. That being said, he was the REASON that I filed. Let's see here: he was basically not home for my entire pregnancy. He rented a cabin about 25 minutes from our house for his "work" and he would stay out there at least 3-4 times a week. He moved a bunch of clothes out there, had food, furniture, etc. If he SAID he was coming home, he usually didn't. And if he DID come home it was usually really late. Fast forward to when I decided to search through his truck because I was sick of not knowing what the eff happened to my husband. I found meth, along with Super Douche's paraphanlia (sp?): needles and a burnt spoon. I also found another cell phone with a message on it from another woman saying she "missed him" and Craigslist casual encounters emails. Oh, and I found condoms....he said he was using them for "self-pleasure". Ummm, yah.

So that very day, I kicked his @SS out, went to my ranch with a friend, and never looked back. I was 8 months pregnant.

peeps61308 · July 2010

alibabbbs:

How long were you with your ex? 5 years

Were you married, and if so, for how long? 3 years, but lived with him less than 2 years after we were married

When did you break up? Jan. 09

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? 100% my decision. I was very unhappy and kept telling him but he didn't see that anything was wrong and refused to take steps to make changes. He was also drinking ALOT and was very ugly to me. I asked him what he would would do if someone treated his daughter the way he treated me and he said " I would kill him." Proof that he knew it was not right. I DID NOT want DD to grow up thinking this was "normal" so I left.

peeps61308 · July 2010

sweetie0228:
alibabbbs:

How long were you with your ex? Nov 1995-Nov 2002 (divorce finalized april 2005)

Were you married, and if so, for how long? 5 long years

When did you break up? I told him to leave on Thanksgiving after dinner w/ my family 2002

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? It was my decision to leave. His favorite way to tell me he loved me was to push me down the stairs and tell me that he would call my father to pick up the trash. Also, after 5 or so years of abuse (emotional physical, finanical and sexual) I was already beginning another relationship w/ my now 10 days away from being my DH. I had checked out of the relationship years before I left I was just on auto pilot and surviving.

This was me 4000%

alibabbbs · July 2010

peeps61308:
sweetie0228:
alibabbbs:

How long were you with your ex? Nov 1995-Nov 2002 (divorce finalized april 2005)

Were you married, and if so, for how long? 5 long years

When did you break up? I told him to leave on Thanksgiving after dinner w/ my family 2002

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? It was my decision to leave. His favorite way to tell me he loved me was to push me down the stairs and tell me that he would call my father to pick up the trash. Also, after 5 or so years of abuse (emotional physical, finanical and sexual) I was already beginning another relationship w/ my now 10 days away from being my DH. I had checked out of the relationship years before I left I was just on auto pilot and surviving.

This was me 4000%

This was my ex too (although I wasn't abusing him. I'm sure he thought I was an annoying nag though. He wasn't participating in the relationship or helping to care for our son at all.)

carrieannew · July 2010

We were together for maybe a good solid 2 months if that. I got pregnant very early on. But gosh I would say for that last half I had already emotionaly checked out.

Oh heck no not married

We broke up around August last year. I could not even pin point a day down as I just great very distant once I finally got him to back off. He would come over every night and never leave. He had huge control issues. But even through Oct he was in denial and still thought we would work it out. Me, not so much. I knew he was not the one for me.

I feel in love with someone else who broke my heart badly, I rushed into something with my ex just to have someone. Big mistake. I know from the other person what I want in a relationship and the type of connection I need to feel, which I did not have with my ex. At all.

p.s he is a big ole douchebucket. that is all

dorkgirl03 · July 2010

How long were you with your ex? all together right at 7years

Were you married, and if so, for how long? yes, a couple months shy of 4 years

When did you break up? 09-26-2006

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? his decision. he left me 3 weeks after i miscarried our 2nd child and i just recently found out, according to him, that my family told him i had cheated on him and instead of talking to me about it he believed them and left and i had never even considered doing that to him.

desi_r · July 2010

we were never together. Him and i work at the same place, thats how we met. we had a little to much to drink one night(o.k it was more then one night)

it was my decision to keep LO. I told him that if he wanted to be in LO life to let me know. he said he did but he's not.

I decided to keep LO because i deal with my mistakes, yes thats right LO is a MISTAKE, but the BEST MISTAKE I HAVE EVER MADE!!!!

if i could go back and change things, maybe drink less, i wouldn't because i'm so happy that LO is in my life!

dorkgirl03 · July 2010

tifanico:

dorkgirl03:
my family told him i had cheated on him and instead of talking to me about it he believed them and left and i had never even considered doing that to him.

Wha???? Why would they do that??

Well at the time my sister was cheating on my bro in law and when he found a number in her phone he questioned her and she played it on me. So, my bro in law goes to XH and tells him this info and he believed it. I personally think if he really believed I did that and didn't even want to talk to me about it he was looking for a reason to leave and that gave it to him.

achase123 · July 2010

desi_r:

we were never together. Him and i work at the same place, thats how we met. we had a little to much to drink one night(o.k it was more then one night)

it was my decision to keep LO. I told him that if he wanted to be in LO life to let me know. he said he did but he's not.

I decided to keep LO because i deal with my mistakes, yes thats right LO is a MISTAKE, but the BEST MISTAKE I HAVE EVER MADE!!!!

if i could go back and change things, maybe drink less, i wouldn't because i'm so happy that LO is in my life!

MUD??

RaleighsMom · July 2010

How long were you with your ex? 7 yearsWere you married, and if so, for how long? Yes, almost 5 yearsWhen did you break up? Mother's Day this yearWhose decision was it, and what were the reasons? He left & asked for the divorce. He had an affair 3 years ago while I was pregnant. Plans for another one when she was about 1 (that he didn't go through with)...but when I found out it pretty much ended all forward progress. We went to counseling etc, but I never opened myself back up to him and he never showed me he was worth trusting again. He wasn't ready to be a husband/father and wants to be single....since he can't take back being a Dad, he's taking back being a husband. Since he's gone I've come to realize how much I had checked out and how much happier I am now.

keelyxrosepetal · July 2010

Two years.

We weren't, but we were engaged.

In April.

Mine. He was refusing to grow up, was emotionally cheating on me (you know... everything besides physical stuff), deeply into drugs, abusive... should I continue?

abizzzle · July 2010

alibabbbs:
How long were you with your ex?
About 4 months
Were you married, and if so, for how long?
Nope
When did you break up? What were the reasons?
Basically at the end of August after the season ended and he went home to Venezuela. He claimed he was happy and he would be there for our LO, but when he was home in Venezuela and I was in the US pregnant, we only spoke a handful of times claiming the internet was bad and the phone service sucked. When he reported back in February, he still made very little contact with me. Was concerned when I had preeclampsia and wanted all sorts of pics when the baby was born, but thats it. We didn't offically have a "we are breaking up convo".. He mentioned his girlfriend that he had back home supposedly all along a few times. I dunno. he sucks.

alennberg · July 2010

How long were you with your ex? On and off for 2 years.

Were you married, and if so, for how long? Never married.

When did you break up? The end of January.

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? I initiated the breakup conversation one morning before work because things were strained between us and had been for a period of time. That afternoon at work I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I told him that night at home. He said if I went forward with having the baby we would never be together again. He had decided to pursue medical school and a baby didn't fit into his plan.

fauxshelley · July 2010

How long were you with your ex? about 11 years

Were you married, and if so, for how long? Yep, married 6 mos after we met.

When did you break up? In Feb of 2009, one month after I found out I was pg with Jack.

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? He wanted me to terminate. He asked me to choose between him or the baby. I knew at that moment that our relationship was over. He is just really screwed up. It's really sad bc he used to be a wonderful father. He is not the man he used to be.

BMenz · July 2010

achase123:
desi_r:

we were never together. Him and i work at the same place, thats how we met. we had a little to much to drink one night(o.k it was more then one night)

it was my decision to keep LO. I told him that if he wanted to be in LO life to let me know. he said he did but he's not.

I decided to keep LO because i deal with my mistakes, yes thats right LO is a MISTAKE, but the BEST MISTAKE I HAVE EVER MADE!!!!

if i could go back and change things, maybe drink less, i wouldn't because i'm so happy that LO is in my life!

MUD??

agreed. i mean really, who would honestly say their child was a mistake. i mean I can say the reasons for my relationship with db was a mistake, but I got the greatest thing out of him, so it was worth it, and would NEVER change anything that happened!

little_kate · July 2010

How long were you with your ex? We were only together for about 4 months...

Were you married, and if so, for how long? Never married.

When did you break up? We broke up December 20, 2009.

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? It was my decision. Ex had recently been diagnosed with several mental health issues, and was mixing alcohol with prescription meds. I tried to support him through therapy, suggested Alcoholics Anonymous, etc, but eventually became fed up with the irrational behavior, public vomiting, black outs, etc. He got super drunk and took too many of his meds one night, sent me a facebook message stating he was going to have sex with someone else (since I was on pelvic rest d/t some bleeding), and I decided I was done. When he came to the next morning, I ended it.

PrincessFiona9 · July 2010

How long were you with your ex? 2.5 years on and off, due to him being in jail a lot.

Were you married, and if so, for how long? Never married.

When did you break up? We broke up March 5, 2010

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? I broke up with him because he is an alcoholic and a drug addict and a thief. He stole money from me to buy his drugs and alcohol. He didn't care that he was stealing food out of his baby's mouth. He expected me to work 40 hours per week plus come home and do everything for LO (he thought since he watched her while I was working then he didn't have to help with anything once I got home), clean, buy him whatever he wanted, etc. It was like having 2 children. He was mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive and made threats to kill me and himself. He is just psycho.

JenR822 · July 2010

I guess I can introduce myself to the board by doing this, I have been lurking but didn't know how to "break in"

How long were you with your ex? 5 years the first time around 2 years this time around

Were you married, and if so, for how long? Not married engaged the first time nothing the second.

When did you break up? June 16th after our sonogram of our son

Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? It was mine! We have a 5yr old lil boy and broke up years ago because he was not ready to be a husband and father, after 2 years apart we try to have our family once again and everything is great until the beginning of the year things just seemed a bit off, Then we find out we are pregnant. On June 15th he sees our son in a sonogram after we leave their the next day he calls me to tell me that the baby in the sonogram didn't look like him so it is not his, during the last few weeks I have found out about his infidelities in the past year and that he was cheating this time, and he was probably looking for a way out. So I told him to leave, it has been a roller coaster since.

But I was a single mom for 2 years and I have no problem doing this all again, my son was 6 months old the last time I left him. I have a great support system and am very blessed.

DarthNBJenni · July 2010

How long were you with your ex?We met the summer of 2006 Were you married, and if so, for how long?We were married June 2007 - and divorced April 2010 When did you break up?We separated April 2009 - July 2009. His dad was dying, and I felt sorry for him and accepted his sorry asss excuses for the way he treated us. I finally kicked him out, for good, December 2009. Whose decision was it, and what were the reasons? Mine. Though it was all because of his inability to grow up and emotional abuse, and refusal to seek treatment for his mental issues. Though, according to a text he sent yesterday, it's because I'm getting fat like my mom. ::eyeroll::

fauxshelley · July 2010

DarthNBJenni:
Though, according to a text he sent yesterday, it's because I'm getting fat like my mom. ::eyeroll::

OMG Jenni! This made me spit out my coffee! You must be like a size 4 or 6. He is a complete dumbass!

HydePark · July 2010

With him 3.5 years

Married 2.5

In the process of leaving him

Several reasons....he seems to view the baby as MY child (is more interested in his computer games than his own son), heck he can barely even take care of his dog. I have to nag him to be a responsible adult, he's controlling (wants me to tell him EVERY thought that pops into my head, nothing is private). But the biggest thing is that I just don't love him and never have. He made a point of saying that I'd probably never find anyone else and that my best years are behind me (I'm only 24! haha). I didn't tell him though that I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than married to him for the rest of my life.

achase123 · July 2010

HydePark:

With him 3.5 years

Married 2.5

In the process of leaving him

Several reasons....he seems to view the baby as MY child (is more interested in his computer games than his own son), heck he can barely even take care of his dog. I have to nag him to be a responsible adult, he's controlling (wants me to tell him EVERY thought that pops into my head, nothing is private). But the biggest thing is that I just don't love him and never have. He made a point of saying that I'd probably never find anyone else and that my best years are behind me (I'm only 24! haha). I didn't tell him though that I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than married to him for the rest of my life.

Classic manipulation move. There's a great book called "The Manipulative Man". Read it.

exandthcity · July 2010

2 1/2 years. We broke up about 2 weeks after I got pregnant (I didn't know it at the time).When I found out I was pregnant he didn't handle it very well and managed to piss off my friends and family. Then suddenly wanted to be there. Like a fool I relented only to be reminded fairly quickly why I had broken up with him in the first place. Never married.Broke up about 3 weeks ago.It was my choice. I was told I had arterial notching and needed to be in bed at least 2-4 hours a day and cool it out on the stress. He just couldn't be there. He tried but to be completely frank having him there created more stress for me than having him gone. I had to make a choice and I chose to stand by my bean (that is what I call the baby). It hasn't been easy but I have to believe in my heart I have done the right thing for everyone involved.

FSUMom01 · July 2010

We were together about 9 months. We found out we were pregnant in May and then everything went downhill.

We were never married. Thank goodness because I realized how little I actually knew about how this man acted.

We broke up recently, like past few days and it was my decision. Since we found out we were pregnant he has been trying to give me all sorts of ultimatums. First it was how can you think of keeping this baby (which obviously I did), then it was you need to move in with my parents because you can't do it any other way. Besides the fact that any opinions or comments I had about our life together were ignored I'm definitely not going to all the sudden bend over and let you control everything about my life. He never thought we had any issues even when I tried my best to explain what bothered me, but he said since I had the problem they were only my issues. Then the last straw was when he said that I at least should give him sex even though I don't want to (hormones, stress, and him being a constant ass) because I should be happy he hasn't cheated on me yet. SO that was that I don't need someone so negative, possessive, and controlling in my life. I can see those warning signs!

AmandaJordan1985 · July 2010

we were together for a year and a half, kept seeing each other on and off

Never married!

We split up about 2 weeks ago.

I broke it off with him. Luckily, we both realized that we are better as friends than in a relationship and there was a reason that we split up in the first place. The greatest thing he ever did for me was give me this baby. So far he has not made much financial contribution which worries me but is really excited about being a dad. We'll see how excited he is when LO is actually here...

angelicalopez29 · July 2010

About 3 years

Married for so little time I cant even tell

We broke up 3 months ago, already divorced by that time, we tried to make things up but, didnt work.

It was my decision, but he kicked me out of the house sooner, I had planned to wait for my mom she was on vacations to move in with her, I had to break into her house because he kicked me out sooner than what i had planned, and I was 2 months pregnant.... I hope he rots in hell

He was a liar, and stole my sanity, he lied about loving me, from the begginning, and I gave so much for him.

He hasn't contacted me about the baby I'm expecting, and he is the father. I cant believe that such a beautiful little person was created with the contribution of that animal I used to call "my love"

angelicalopez29 · July 2010

HydePark:
With him 3.5 years

Married 2.5

In the process of leaving him

Several reasons....he seems to view the baby as MY child (is more interested in his computer games than his own son), heck he can barely even take care of his dog. I have to nag him to be a responsible adult, he's controlling (wants me to tell him EVERY thought that pops into my head, nothing is private). But the biggest thing is that I just don't love him and never have. He made a point of saying that I'd probably never find anyone else and that my best years are behind me (I'm only 24! haha). I didn't tell him though that I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than married to him for the rest of my life.

what an idiot

angelicalopez29 · July 2010

FSUMom01:
We were together about 9 months. We found out we were pregnant in May and then everything went downhill.
We were never married. Thank goodness because I realized how little I actually knew about how this man acted.
We broke up recently, like past few days and it was my decision. Since we found out we were pregnant he has been trying to give me all sorts of ultimatums. First it was how can you think of keeping this baby (which obviously I did), then it was you need to move in with my parents because you can't do it any other way. Besides the fact that any opinions or comments I had about our life together were ignored I'm definitely not going to all the sudden bend over and let you control everything about my life. He never thought we had any issues even when I tried my best to explain what bothered me, but he said since I had the problem they were only my issues. Then the last straw was when he said that I at least should give him sex even though I don't want to (hormones, stress, and him being a constant ass) because I should be happy he hasn't cheated on me yet. SO that was that I don't need someone so negative, possessive, and controlling in my life. I can see those warning signs!

Sounds like the kind I left, I KNOW I would have had another misscarriage because of the stress he would always put me into.

DarthNBJenni · July 2010

fauxshelley:
DarthNBJenni:
Though, according to a text he sent yesterday, it's because I'm getting fat like my mom. ::eyeroll::
OMG Jenni! This made me spit out my coffee! You must be like a size 4 or 6. He is a complete dumbass!

Yes, he is a complete dumbass. But I did gain weight AFTER having my girls from all the stress of our divorce. I've been wearing a size 8/10, and am back down to a 6. I guess it didn't help that when we met, I was a size 0 and 104 unhealthy pounds.

FSUMom01 · July 2010

angelicalopez29:
FSUMom01:
We were together about 9 months. We found out we were pregnant in May and then everything went downhill.
We were never married. Thank goodness because I realized how little I actually knew about how this man acted.
We broke up recently, like past few days and it was my decision. Since we found out we were pregnant he has been trying to give me all sorts of ultimatums. First it was how can you think of keeping this baby (which obviously I did), then it was you need to move in with my parents because you can't do it any other way. Besides the fact that any opinions or comments I had about our life together were ignored I'm definitely not going to all the sudden bend over and let you control everything about my life. He never thought we had any issues even when I tried my best to explain what bothered me, but he said since I had the problem they were only my issues. Then the last straw was when he said that I at least should give him sex even though I don't want to (hormones, stress, and him being a constant ass) because I should be happy he hasn't cheated on me yet. SO that was that I don't need someone so negative, possessive, and controlling in my life. I can see those warning signs!

Sounds like the kind I left, I KNOW I would have had another misscarriage because of the stress he would always put me into.

I'm sorry to hear someone put you through such stress. And seriously, like I need more stress in my life when I'm trying to grow a child! Hope you are doing better and I see that we are right around the same number of weeks. We'll be able to go through it together

haleyw458 · July 2010

6 years

We were not married but had talked about it.

1 year ago yesterday.

It was a mutual decision. He was a typical college guy even though he had a 3-month old and a gf sitting at home waiting for him, and wanted to party all the time. I found out he'd cheated on me before I got pregnant, then we got in a fight about it and broke up. I later found out he'd been calling and texting a girl that hung out with the group of people he was constantly with, and that's why he was out all the time.

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