I don't know what to do....Work or stay home

ABColeslaw · July 2010

I really want to stay home with Asher. Part of me anyway, another part of me thinks there a good chance I would go crazy. I have to make up my mind soon because I'm a teacher and really we're talking 4-5 weeks until starts up. So heres the run down.

The Pros: Obviously spend more time with Asher : ) It would also mean getting to spend more time with my neice and being able to offer my sister a lot of help when my nephew is born in November. No childcare costs and no having to deal with an annoying nanny (We had the most annoying nanny ever when I was in the hospital)

The Cons: No time to myself....at all. Getting bored and going stir crazy. Money. Losing 2 out of 3 of my teaching certs. Theres no way I would be able to keep up with all three since I've been out of work for two years now. The first year cause I was laid off and the second year because I had the worst pregnancy on the face of the earth and was on and off bed rest. It would also mean it would take us "that" much longer to save for a house.

But I do want to be the one who raises Asher! I don' t know. This decision is a lot tougher than I thought it would be.

MCMoo23 · July 2010

I can't offer any advice, just encouragement. I personally love being a SAHM and can't imagine it any other way. It is such a blessing to be home and see each child hit their milestones and see them grow day by day.

Whatever you choose, I'm sure it will be the best decision for you, your DH and Asher Smile

Shell24 · July 2010

I was laid off last February so the decision was kind of made for me. It has it's ups and downs. Before I was laid off I was part time - worked 3 days a week, home 2 days a week and that was perfect. Now that I'm home 5 days a week it gets hard sometimes. I can get my MIL to come watch the kids and I've even hired a sitter to be able to go get my nails done

When my DH gets home sometimes I just want to talk talk talk and he gets irritated, but he's been around adults all day and I haven't.

But overall, I wouldn't trade being home for anything. It's a very personal decision you'll have to make.

Can you sub and get the best of both worlds?

doubledutymama · July 2010

I went through the same problem when my DS was born. I couldn't decide if I should go back to work. To be honest I'm sooo happy I got to spend the first few years at home with my son. I'm soo lucky I got to have that time alone with him everyday. I absolutly love staying at home, but I do admit some days I go CRAZY! My advice to you would be to stay at home if you can..and maybe you could get a part time job in the evenings a few nights? Something to get you out and to socialize, make some extra cash?

Or you could always go back and see how you do for a few months, if it's not for you, then you can come back home and be a SAHM.

It's a tough decision..good luck with what you decide!

ABColeslaw · July 2010

Shell24:

I was laid off last February so the decision was kind of made for me. It has it's ups and downs. Before I was laid off I was part time - worked 3 days a week, home 2 days a week and that was perfect. Now that I'm home 5 days a week it gets hard sometimes. I can get my MIL to come watch the kids and I've even hired a sitter to be able to go get my nails done

When my DH gets home sometimes I just want to talk talk talk and he gets irritated, but he's been around adults all day and I haven't.

But overall, I wouldn't trade being home for anything. It's a very personal decision you'll have to make.

Can you sub and get the best of both worlds?

Thats an excellent idea : )

sturgeje · July 2010

i just went back to work (to a new full-time job, actually) monday and even though it's only been three days, it's not nearly as bad as i thought it would be. of course i miss him like crazy during the day but having pictures of him on my desk and knowing i will see him when i'm off work makes it all worth it.

for me, it's important to be out of the house and doing something i can be proud of myself for other than being a mother-- it just makes me feel more complete, i guess, for lack of better words. it doesn't make you any less of a mother for wanting that for yourself. i think i'm actually probably a better mother while i'm working because i don't get frustrated with certain things he does like i would if i was home with him all day & all night...happy mommy=happy baby. some women are better SAHMs than others...i just don't think i could do it for long without going crazy! good luck to you in whatever you decide!

dib · July 2010

I work 4 days/week. That Monday alone with DS is challenging, but I love being with him all day. I think it would be a challenge to come up with things to do day after day and watch him learn all the time. As it is, DH and I spend our weekends with him and cram in every second.

Sometimes I think I like having a break from baby at work. But then there are days like today when he wouldn't take a bottle - for 8 hours (he only ever had aversions before, but would NEVER refuse it). My MIL called me at 3 to tell me and I was in tears at work trying to figure out what to do. I called the doc's office, finished up some loose ends and went home to feed my baby. I think about him all day and wish I could be the one at home with him.

I think if we could afford it, I would be a SAHM or only work PT. But healthcare costs alone make that impossible. I envy your difficult decision and I hope that whatever you choose, you find peace in it.

Erourke · July 2010

I work out of the house, and Im not gonna lie, its a challenge. But I often wonder how I could possible leave her if I were to go to work. I dont thing I could do it! 8 hours a day away from my baby is just not worth the money to me. As for going stir crazy? Yes it happens from time to time, but I just make sure to get out for lunch with friends, playdates, mall days, walks. I am barely ever sitting at home.

Asquared · July 2010

just something to remember- being a SAHM doesn't mean you have to stay at home- there's story time at libraries, playdates, walks, parks moms groups...

Starfish113 · July 2010

::sneaking in because I miss you::

Stay at home! Even just for the first year. I would do it in a heartbeat if I could If you go back after that, you can have all the benefits of a teachers schedule, but it would be nice to be home the first year. I'm glad I'm a teacher, but it's still not enough time home with Riley!

ABColeslaw · July 2010

Starfish113:

::sneaking in because I miss you::

Stay at home! Even just for the first year. I would do it in a heartbeat if I could If you go back after that, you can have all the benefits of a teachers schedule, but it would be nice to be home the first year. I'm glad I'm a teacher, but it's still not enough time home with Riley!

And you know I miss you more! I'm 99% sure I'm going to do it.

blushy08 · July 2010

Reading your message reminded me exactly of what I went through a few months ago....so I don't have advice, but I can empathize. I too am a teacher, and I spent months agonizing over the decision. In April I told the school I was returning then around Memorial Day I told them I changed my mind. I'm just taking a one year leave of absence, though, but I am really planning on savoring this one year with my DS.

Also, if you're worried about going crazy sitting around the house, don't let that be an issue. You can join a mommies group, take classes with your LO, go for walks, storytime, etc. We do one thing to get out of the house every day, and it's great.

Best of luck with your decision. I truly know how difficult it is.

starz4him08 · July 2010

Hollysmoffett:

But I do want to be the one who raises Asher! I don' t know. This decision is a lot tougher than I thought it would be.

If you choose to work...you still will be the one who raises him. Why not go back to work, give it a few months, if you still have feelings about staying home then stay home.

AngelxxRose · July 2010

If you want to stay at home and can afford it, then do it. You LO will only be a baby for a short period of time, but you have the rest of your life to work. I am finishing my master's in psychology but decided to stay at home with my DD. I will work later, right now I am enjoying spending time with my little girl! Also, like others have said, you can always sub when you want to work.

MrsRebecca · July 2010

Regardless of if you work or stay at home, you will be the one who raises Asher. Daycare will care for them while you are at work but they will not raise your child.

adcffaa · July 2010

Maybe you can find something so you can WAH? That way, you work, bring in money to save for a house, and get to raise your son and help your sister.

aocain02@yahoo.com · July 2010

Being a working mom is hard so I have to look at everything I will be able to provide for DS. Because I work we will be able to save for college, take nice family vacations, he'll be able to play sports or do other activities, he wont have to work in high school, and if we choose to do so we can afford private school. I wish I could stay home with him but we saved for that house and need two incomes for the mortgage. I make the most o my time with him and I know he loves his mommy most by the smiles I get when I get home from work. It's a hard decision to make.

grapeape73 · July 2010

I'm a teacher also. I took the year off when my 2 year old was born. It was incredible to be able to spend that time with her. I was able to go back to teaching part time. That could be something to look into eventually. I only work 2.5 days a week, and I have a 4 day weekend every week. My paycheck sucks, but I get to spend so much time with the girls.

We go to story time at the library twice a week, and do lots of other activities to keep busy. Heck, even going to Target can be an outing.

Do what feels right to you.

klm1221 · July 2010

I'm also a teacher (phys ed) and I can't wait to go back to school in Sept. First summer every that i'm saying this. I've been home since the end of March and realized fast that SAHM isn't for me. I joined 2 moms groups but its still not same thing as working. I miss work! I miss the students at school! Oh and yeah I miss getting a pay check. LO will be in daycare starting last week of August. As a teacher you get lots of time off, summers off, and sick days. Personally if you really like teaching I think you should go back. Especially in this economy- atleast in NY/NJ if you give up a teaching job its going to be impossible to get right now. My daughter will be fine- she is in a great daycare and will love the stimulation all day long. It makes the times she is with you even better.. Maybe this is just my opinion but i spent to many years in school to sit home-epec since i love what i do.

RadicalDreamer143 · July 2010

MrsRebecca:
Regardless of if you work or stay at home, you will be the one who raises Asher. Daycare will care for them while you are at work but they will not raise your child.

I'm not trying to be the pessimist here, but I am going through the same tough choice myself right now. I really don't feel this way, which is why I am agonizing over it. I see Liam for a half hour in the morning when I get him ready for daycare, and then from 4pm till 6:30 - maybe 7:30pm when he goes to sleep. Earlier this week he went to sleep at 6pm.

I don't see how I am raising him if I see him on weekends, and three hours a day when he is awake. This is my big dilemma, at least.

KRMac · July 2010

MrsRebecca:
Regardless of if you work or stay at home, you will be the one who raises Asher. Daycare will care for them while you are at work but they will not raise your child.

Exactly. I work, but DH and I are raising our child. Ugh, I hate when people say things like that.

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