when and how to find out sex of baby???

hpfreak2011 · July 2010

we are scheduled to have our big U/S oh aug 4th... i WAS so excited cause DH and i cant wait to find out what we are having. well today he tells his mother that he thinks that since we are going to visit MIL the next day, that we should just wait and have it written in an envelope and find out togetherd.

i heard him tell his mother this on the phone and i was like......"you dont even run this by your WIFE??? the woman that is carrying the child???!!!"

he told me that he thinks that it would make MIL feel special. well of course it would but it makes me feel like myself and my family dont matter as much as his mother!!

i wanted to have us find out at the ultrasound together. i think it is a special time for just us. and then since we are heading to visit her after that, i thought that we could go buy 1 outfit in the appropriate color and when we show up at her door, she would see the outfit and find out that way.

i guess since DH and i eloped that MIL feels like she is left out on alot of stuff so DH wants to let her find out even before I do!!! i definitely dont agree with that. im sorry but this is my child!! i am the one that is feeling the kicking and the wonderful symptoms. i think that DH and i should find out first.

am i being unreasonable here or should i just give in and feel like what i want doesnt matter?????

Jackswife123 · July 2010

I think your DH needs to cut the cord with his Mom.

F-that.

HairStylinWifey · July 2010

I think you DEFINATELY should find out first, and I think its wonderful if the two of you can find out together. Just the two of you.

melissa4252008 · July 2010

Jackswife123:
I think your DH needs to cut the cord with his Mom.
F-that.

This. That would so not fly with me.

Erina1004 · July 2010

Jackswife123:
I think your DH needs to cut the cord with his Mom.
F-that.

This! :::passes scissors::::

Jhawks482 · July 2010

Jackswife123:
I think your DH needs to cut the cord with his Mom.
F-that.

ditto this x's 1,000,000,000,000,000,000. That's totally ridiculous.

BabyyMamma · July 2010

Jackswife123:
I think your DH needs to cut the cord with his Mom.
F-that.

this

bookworm10 · July 2010

DH was wrong to bring that up to his mom with out talking to you. If you feel strongly then you need to have a conversation with DH and explain exactly how you feel about the situation. Tell him your idea of surprising her with the outfit. You have to come to a compromise over this. If you put the way you are feeling aside, you will resent the situation.

JenZuanich · July 2010

Tell him if he wants to find out when mommy-dearest does - fine. You, on the other hand, will be finding out at the big U/S (IF you even can find out...) I agree with PP, he needs to cut the GD cord.

srthomas88 · July 2010

bookworm10:
DH was wrong to bring that up to his mom with out talking to you. If you feel strongly then you need to have a conversation with DH and explain exactly how you feel about the situation. Tell him your idea of surprising her with the outfit. You have to come to a compromise over this. If you put the way you are feeling aside, you will resent the situation.

I agree 100% with this!

eflynn1215 · July 2010

Oh heeeeeeell no. If he had asked you about this first, you could have considered it. But, the fact that he brought it up to her without discussing it with you first is ridiculous. Stick to your guns if you feel strongly about it. Good luck!

jennessey · July 2010

Your DH is acting like a tool. Tell him he needs to think of you and your LO FIRST.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

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newbaby on the way · July 2010

JenZuanich:
Tell him if he wants to find out when mommy-dearest does - fine. You, on the other hand, will be finding out at the big U/S (IF you even can find out...) I agree with PP, he needs to cut the GD cord.

This....

shpinz13 · July 2010

Jackswife123:
I think your DH needs to cut the cord with his Mom.
F-that.

This! He should have at least talked to you about it first

Daisy582 · July 2010

Ugh. Tell momma's boy that he can leave the room while you find out from the tech the sex of the baby. YOU should be the first to know. If he wants to wait and do the (stupid) envelope w/ mommy that is his loss. GL!

IslamoradaBride09 · July 2010

I continue to be flabbergasted by the mama's boy antics I read about on this site! He can't be serious. And if he is-- you need to set him straight. Why in the world is he so concerned about MIL's feelings and so unconcerned about yours???

gemrae1225 · July 2010

I agree with all of the PP's. He just possibly ruined a very important moment for the TWO of you. I would tell him that, and that YOU will be finding out at the anatomy scan. If he would like to join YOU in finding out, that'd be great, or he can wait for his MOTHER. It was terribly rude and inconsiderate of him not to discuss this with you first. I'm sure it's nothing against your MIL, but seriously, he does need to cut the cord.

Kate621 · July 2010

jlhinkley:

i guess since DH and i eloped that MIL feels like she is left out on alot of stuff so DH wants to let her find out even before I do!!! i definitely dont agree with that. im sorry but this is my child!! i am the one that is feeling the kicking and the wonderful symptoms. i think that DH and i should find out first.

am i being unreasonable here or should i just give in and feel like what i want doesnt matter?????

Your MIL should be left out of your marriage. Tell your dh to stop being such a doucher and cut the cord.

larivierek · July 2010

Ok...I'm really gonna try to give him the benefit of the doubt here. He must not have been thinking at all when he told his mother that plan. You probably know this, but men are often unintentionally insensitive.

Before you go into the u/s, I suggest bringing it up in a totally calm and non-critical tone. Let him know that you feel it is innapropriate for him to disregard the special moment that the two of you would have in the u/s. Let him know, without criticizing, that his desire to share the moment with his mother rather than you hurts your feelings and makes you upset. Tell him that you would really like to share the moment just with him, and if he still feels that his mother should be involved, then you will excuse him from the room when it is time to find out, and you will excuse yourself from his special moment with his mom.

Say all of this really calmly and without whining. then take it from there.

CelticWife · July 2010

InternetExplorer:

Also, um, you get to find out and he doesn't get a vote, you know that right? Your u/s means you decide.

I actually disagree with this. I think DH does actually get a vote. It is just as much his moment as it is yours. It is actually one of the few times during your pregnancy that your DH can fully participate in and experience with you.

That being said, I think your DH was just finding a way to include his mother in the excitement. Not only did he go about it the wrong way, but I don't believe his idea is appropriate. I would suggest to him that the two of you find out together at the ultrasound, then go with your outfit idea. (That is what we did with my parents.) Or, if he really wants to share, then you can have a gender party and tell everyone at the same time. But his mom shouldn't get preference over your parents, and you shouldn't have to wait to find out what you are having to accomodate your MIL.

Just calmly explain to him what you want, then listen to what he wants. You do get the ultimate decision.

rhoneelynn · July 2010

JenZuanich:
Tell him if he wants to find out when mommy-dearest does - fine. You, on the other hand, will be finding out at the big U/S (IF you even can find out...) I agree with PP, he needs to cut the GD cord.

This is exactly what I would say!!!!!

Flumby · July 2010

Okay I agree that DH should have gone over his plans with you first, but at the same time you should have shared your idea about the outfit a bit sooner. That would have avoided this whole situation.

Keddy15 · July 2010

I would be pissed if my DH did that! This is a special moment between you and your DH. Not you, your DH, and your MIL!

chpswife · July 2010

Jackswife123:

I think your DH needs to cut the cord with his Mom.

F-that.

Heh Heh, I agree with this......

Tsurrel · July 2010

ask dh if you can find out alone and then the tech can write it in an envelope for him and mil to find out together.

rougebutterfly · July 2010

What you want does matter. You could kindly remind him that this is your baby with him, not one between him and his mom. It's a special thing to find out what sex the baby is just between mommy and daddy, and a special thing to tell everyone else together later. Try telling him about the outfit and see if that works. Good luck!

NewFamily09 · July 2010

I DEFINITELY agree with YOU. Your MIL did not conceive this baby, you and DH did. This should be a special day for just you too. I would never agree to his plan. I think you and DH should find out together, celebrate together, and then when you visit MIL, celebrate with her like you said. Bring a cute little outfit in the right color, maybe one that says something like "I love grandma" or whatever. Maybe a little pink or blue cake.

Winter*Mommy · July 2010

CelticWife:
InternetExplorer:

Also, um, you get to find out and he doesn't get a vote, you know that right? Your u/s means you decide.
I actually disagree with this. I think DH does actually get a vote. It is just as much his moment as it is yours. It is actually one of the few times during your pregnancy that your DH can fully participate in and experience with you.
That being said, I think your DH was just finding a way to include his mother in the excitement. Not only did he go about it the wrong way, but I don't believe his idea is appropriate. I would suggest to him that the two of you find out together at the ultrasound, then go with your outfit idea. (That is what we did with my parents.) Or, if he really wants to share, then you can have a gender party and tell everyone at the same time. But his mom shouldn't get preference over your parents, and you shouldn't have to wait to find out what you are having to accomodate your MIL.
Just calmly explain to him what you want, then listen to what he wants. You do get the ultimate decision.

THIS. Just because the woman is carrying the baby doesn't mean that her wishes trump everything regarding the pregnancy. I've never understood that thought process. Its as much his child as it is yours.

I think in this case, you definitely need to explain to him that your feelings are hurt that he wants to share the exciting moment with his mom. Either have a gender reveal party with EVERYONE or no one. You guys can easily find out together at the ultrasound and celebrate TOGETHER, as you originally wanted, and then do something fun with your MIL and with your parents (send them something if they're OOT, etc). You can even let him decide how he wants to tell his mom, but only after the two of you have found out and celebrated first. I don't think any set of parents should take precedence over another and he really needs to let that go. If her feelings are hurt that y'all eloped, that is HER issue to resolve, not yours and DH's.

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