Fertiles just don't understand

dolphinsmakemesmile · July 2010

So, I have been unusually cranky and generally miserable lately. This is the complete opposite of my normal self. It also doesn't help that I have heard 5 (yes FIVE) people I know in the last week who are all KU. Two of my friends know about my IF so I thought I could vent to them. In reality, I think I have just scared them away. I told one of them how I can't take any more pregnancy announcements or I will go all postal Stick out tongue . They are like YIKES! better stay away from you for a little bit.

I just feel alone. I can't even reveal my bitter feelings about this whole experience (treatments, pg. announcements, etc.) to my two closest friends in the world IRL b/c I just wind up alienating them. Unless you go through IF personally, I don't think you can ever understand. I am not the same person I was three years ago. Of course, I was all naive and thought as soon as we started trying, it would happen. Boy, was I in for a wake-up call. While I would never wish IF on anyone, I sort of wish someone IRL was going through it too so I could vent to them, KWIM? I know that sounds horrible, I just feel very bitter. UUGGHH. I hate this.

kthappy76 · July 2010

It can be really hard to relate to fertile friends, I think we've all been there. Have you looked into joining a support group? I know it may sound corny, but it makes a HUGE difference to have ppl IRL to talk to who really understand what it's like. This board is great way to find others who you might live near as GTG's w/ladies from the board are also really fun. (((hugs)))

mainesmichelle · July 2010

I think I could be your twin.. This is how I feel exactly. The only person that I can speak with is my sister b/c my husband is very secretive and we have only told a few family members, but she is less than supportive in the IF department. All she says is be happy you don't have kids- you have no idea how it can ruin everything. Everytime she says it I tell her to pack up Ella and send her my way. She just laughs, but I am dead serious!!

Edwina.McDunnough · July 2010

I'm so sorry. Lots of hugs.

PurplePanda83 · July 2010

Been there. ((HUGS)) - on the lighter side of things your subject line made me think of "Parents just don't understand" by Will Smith aka Fresh Prince. Maybe we should write our own song about fertiles.

dolphinsmakemesmile · July 2010

kthappy76:
It can be really hard to relate to fertile friends, I think we've all been there. Have you looked into joining a support group? I know it may sound corny, but it makes a HUGE difference to have ppl IRL to talk to who really understand what it's like. This board is great way to find others who you might live near as GTG's w/ladies from the board are also really fun. (((hugs)))

I am thinking of joining a support group, even though I am so not a support group person. I'm pretty sure I saw a sign in my RE's office. I know this board has been so helpful. I don't know what I'd do without you ladies!!!!

dolphinsmakemesmile · July 2010

PurplePanda83:
Been there. ((HUGS)) - on the lighter side of things your subject line made me think of "Parents just don't understand" by Will Smith aka Fresh Prince. Maybe we should write our own song about fertiles.

Hahaha...I thought of that too after I posted it

Dragonfly1226 · July 2010

This is so true.

You are going through a really tough time right now hon. The time right after my first m/c was horrible for me. I think I cried at least once a day for months. Being surrounded by fertiles does not help at all. You're right - no matter how much they try, they just don't understand.

(((((hugehugs)))))

Amie8301 · July 2010

You are in no way alone or wrong in how you are feeling! I think all of those thoughts have crossed our minds from time to time. It really does suck to feel so alone IRL. I hope things look a little brighter for you tomorrow. (((hugs)))

hopefulmommy · July 2010

First of all, thanks purple panda, for forcing a will smith song from the 80's into my head. It'll be there all day! lol

secondly, Dolpin, you are not alone! Im pretty sure we can all relate. My BF is due in a week and she was the very last friend I had who isn't pg. Sometimes when I get an overload from my fertile friends about their kids etc. , i turn to the board to be in the company of infertiles.

Ive always thought that I am not the support group type, but then again, I never in a million years thought id be the IF type either.

(((Hugs)))

jehnm · July 2010

I completely know where you are coming from. I just finally started keeping all my feelings to myself until I can talk to someone that has experienced this, mostly people I've met through here. I had friends that vented to me often about IF and I listened and supported and griped about pregnant people right along with them even though I wasn't trying to get pregnant. I never dreamed I'd be in this position, but those same friends who did experience it are the ones who act like I'm a horrible person when I gripe or vent to them. It's hard not to be able to count on the people you've always counted on!!

patchen30 · July 2010

I know exactly how you feel. IF is so isolating. My IRL friends just don't get it either - no one does if they're not IF. No matter how supportive they are, they just understand. That's why we're here

SHalleran · July 2010

hopefulmommy:
Ive always thought that I am not the support group type, but then again, I never in a million years thought id be the IF type either.

This is SO true

KDR1979 · July 2010

Fertiles don't understand. I can not even believe the insensitive things that come out of people's mouths regarding infertility! Including my own mother in law!

I have a friend that had her 1st baby the month we stopped OCP's, she is now due with her 2nd the same EXACT day we would have been due if IVF had worked. I was talking to her and 1 other friend at a bbq recently and told them about our ivf and what day we would have been due and she said, "That's my EXACT due date." I didn't even know what to say to her!

This board is so helpful b/c it helps you know that there are so many other women going through the same feelings and IF procedures.

abbe19 · July 2010

I agree with you 100%. It's something they will never understand and when you are surrounded by babies, babies everywhere, it becomes very overwhelming. I am literally the last of my friends & family to be child-less & sometimes I don't want to eat, sleep, talk kids because I haven't been blessed with any yet. However, that is all anyone talks about. It is extremely alienating to not be able to join in and add your 2% about parenting. I am so sorry you are going thru this but remember, we all know how you feel. We're right there with u, just in different groups of friends all over the world.

itsmevkb · July 2010

You're not alone! But, I completely understand how hard it is to not have people in real life to talk to. For me, the one person I always talked to about my issues is currently pregnant and due two weeks before I was. Needless to say, we haven't been talking much at all. It's impossible to talk to her about my fears of never getting pregnant again while also fearing getting pregnant again only to lose another baby all the while looking at her pregnant belly. Big hugs to you.

lady3057 · July 2010

Sorry to hear that you are feeling bad.((hugs)). I now how you feel about having nobody that understands. That why i have not told anybody besides my mother, sister and mother inlaw. even with them i don't vent much cuz i feel like they don't want to hear it well besides my mom but i don't want to worry her cuz she lives in az. my sister works all the time and she doesnt seem to think its that big of a deal and it will happen that i stress to much.

and yes, I'm starting to feel bitter also but trying to stay positive.

SweetDahlia · July 2010

I'm sorry. I know how you feel. I hate that you don't have any one to talk to. It's hard to not have people understand. Huge hugs about the 5 announcements. That would really suck.

3citygirl · July 2010

What we're going through is so hard. Here's something I found mildly comforting... on a recent trip to Japan, I was overwhelmed by all the cute kids I saw. Then one day I turned a corner and saw the Tokyo Fertility Clinic. It reminded me that just like cute babies, IF is everywhere. We're not alone. Unfortunately IF is universal. The upside to that is we can all support each other. We're here for you! You're not alone!!!! ((hugs))

praying*4one · July 2010

what sweet sentiments from citygirl....((HUGS))) to you.

I know the feeling well with all these losses and treatments to get pg in the first place. My head is like a calendar with due dates of everyone else's kids. Even my twin was KU on the pill.

I'm glad this board is here and I'd def. do a support group or counseling.
i've done both and it helped.

so1966 · July 2010

i'm so sorry. i'm sure we can all understand about all those pregnancy announcements. i have endure IF for five years and i can honestly tell you that i haven't see most of my friends in a few years. it's just too overwhelming for me, especially seeing all of their children, and i'm just not good company. it really is a tragic loss going through the process of ttcing and not being successful. it's as if our lives are on hold, while everyone else is moving forward.

the toughest part of IF for me is the fact that so many people are uneducated about it. no one treats it as a loss and an illness. it gets minimal empathy. it gets frustrated trying to educate people. and honestly, if you haven't endured something, you can never understand it.

((HUGS))

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