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Is this rude? (shower related)

Mrs. K in TXMrs. K in TX member
in 2nd Trimester

DH's immediate family lives about halfway between us and my parents.  DH's grandma lives closer to my parents.  Most of his extended family lives pretty close to us.

My mom and one of her friends want to throw me a shower in my hometown.  Most of my in-state family will go to that one. 

Some of my friends are throwing us a shower in Austin, too.  Our friends and DH's extended family (we have a great relationship with them) will go to the one here.  

DH's family who live in-between, would it be rude to send them an invitation to both showers? Should there be a note included stating that they're invited to both but not expected to bring a gift to both? Or should we just tell them they'll get an invitation to both so they can choose the one they want to go to, but are welcome to go to both, if they choose?

I know DH's grandma will be more likely to go to the one that my mom is throwing because it's not far from where she lives, and she's more comfortable driving the shorter distance.  But DH's mom and SIL might be more likely to go to the one in Austin.

Sorry for the novel.  My mom is throwing my shower crazy early, and she's on my back about a guest list, and I wanted opinions.

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Re: Is this rude? (shower related)

  • NewFamily09NewFamily09 member
    I don't think it's rude if you clearly state that you are giving them two invitations so they can choose which to go to.  I wouldn't even mention that they are "welcome to go to both" because then they might think you will be hurt if they don't.  In my opinion (just my opinion) showers are not exactly the most fun kind of party in the world, so I don't know why someone would want to go to two of them for the same person.
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  • bookworm10bookworm10
    Why not send them an invite to both and call them and explain how they are of course invited to both but they should feel free to pick the one that works best for them. I wouldn't do the note in the invite since this is family and they deserve a phone call to explain the logistics of the showers.
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  • Mama_SASMama_SAS member

    I think it would be OK to send an invite to both but make sure and add a note saying that they are only invited to both so they can choose which one they want to go to.

    It's a strange situation so I'm not sure specific etiquette rules will cover this one.

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  • futuremrscohickfuturemrscohick

    Kind of in the same boat -- dh's family is 2 hours north of us, my family is 3 hours east of us, and my college friends are 2.5 hours south of me.  Mom is throwing my shower in NJ, DH's mom is throwing me a shower in PA, and my friends are getting invites to both so they can pick where they want to go.  I just told them all in an email so they didn't feel obligated to go to both... they'll probably go with my mom's just because they know and love my mom.

    it sucks when you have family spread all over the place!

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  • honkytonk_kidhonkytonk_kid member

    Could you send them a quick email (or have your DH) that says "Hey, I think you ended up on two shower lists- I always love to see you but definitely don't feel like you have to come to both!" I think they would figure out from that that you mean "and don't buy two gifts."

    If I got two shower invites for the same person I would probably pick one to attend, but I wouldn't think anyone was rude for inviting me twice.

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  • Mrs. K in TXMrs. K in TX member
    Thanks!
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  • lariviereklarivierek
    I would say, contact the people who are in between (by phone) and let them know they will be receiving two invites and that the reason for it is so they can have the option of going to whichever one they feel more comfortable with. Say specificially that you appreciate them even coming at all, but you just wanted to let them know they should not feel obligated to attend both.
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  • Keddy15Keddy15

    imagebookworm10:
    Why not send them an invite to both and call them and explain how they are of course invited to both but they should feel free to pick the one that works best for them. I wouldn't do the note in the invite since this is family and they deserve a phone call to explain the logistics of the showers.

    This

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  • lesleslielesleslie

    MIL got two invites because she lives in the same town as us but the shower here will be all work people. All of my family and SO's family (except his mom) live in the same town a few hrs away and my mom is throwing a shower there. I just don't want to assume she wants to go to the one in our city just because she lives here as she may want to make the trip for the other shower 1. to see her family and 2. she may feel more comfortable at the other shower being with people she knows.

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  • Mrs. K in TXMrs. K in TX member
    Again, thanks for the responses!  I'll probably just call the in-betweeners to let them know they'll get two invitations so they can choose which one they want to go to.  It's only a few people.
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