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NJMom050911
member
Vent
NJMom050911
member
I apologize in advance if I offend anyone but I need to get this off my chest. So I understand that I'm still a newb and I've only been TTC for 3 months, I know I am extremely lucky I have ovulated and I thank God for this. However, I feel like an evil person when I read BFP posts from someone with 20 posts, and there has been quite a few lately. I feel very jealous, I'm happy for them because I'm a kind person and very emotional but I am jealous that it was so easy for these people when most of them don't chart or really try. When I read the BFP's of people that are regulars on this board I am elated for them and I tear up because I'm happy and not jealous at all...We just started 3 months ago because we wanted it to be closer to the wedding but we've been wanting a baby for so long. I have a little bit over a month to our wedding and all I can think about is the next time I ovulate.....OK end of vent....am I evil? 
Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever.
BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you.
Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 BFP 03/26/13 IT'S A BOY!
Please Be Our Rainbow!
BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you.
Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 BFP 03/26/13 IT'S A BOY!
Please Be Our Rainbow!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent
TTC #2
My initial thought is "lol wait 'til you've been TTC over a year!", but I think that's rude, so here's my real response ;-)
It is what it is. Some people will get pg quickly and easily, even by accident, and it will take a lot of work for others, and some may never get pg. As much as it sucks for those of us with trouble TTC, life is a journey and that is a part of it. I know it's much easier for me to say this now that I have DD, but I really don't regret what we went through because I know DH and I have grown individually and as a couple as a result of our problems. But while I was going through it, it was hell, and it didn't get better until I was pregnant. And even then (and now), IF never goes away.
But you don't have to worry about that, just try to enjoy TTC now. Do you think this could have something to do with anxiety about the wedding approaching? Not saying you are anxious about the marriage, but weddings can be really stressful events.
How is this different than telling her to "be patient"?
OP, you're not alone. I do not get upset by women I know IRL getting pregnant, at all. I get incredibly annoyed at drive-by BFPs. People aren't snarky for their health. They get snarky because they're irritated.
You know, when I first started lurking here, I told my husband I'd never post on this board because all of the girls were mean and rude. The posts I were reading were the responses to drive-by BFP's and Could I Be Pregnant?! The more I lurked, the more I realized the reasons behind people's responses to stupid questions and probable MUD.
I, too mave been TTC for 3 months (May, June and July), and when I first started, I thought, "Well, I always ovulated every 28 days as a teenager before the Pill, so I should prolly be knocked up my first month!" Silly me. Well I DID ovulate on day 14 the first 2 months, but not this time. And no sooner did we decide we were going to start TTC than we confirmed DH has low testosterone and low sperm morphology.
So like you, I see these posts about people I've never seen on here before announcing their BFP's, and how easy it was and we weren't really even trying, etc..... and I, too get jealous and sad and frustrated. You're not alone. I know that doesn't help, but it doesn't hurt, either. And just because your own personal situation is better than some other people's situations, it doesn't make your desire for a child and your monthly let-downs any less painful than anyone else's.
July, 2010, DH SA: 3% morph
July, 2010, DH Rx: 50 mg Clomid EOD
BFP: 9/3/10 ~ M/C: 9/7/10
BFP: 10/9/10 ~ My beautiful Grace Dorothy was born on 6/14/11
Beta #1 (12 DPO): 111/24 ~ Beta #2 (16 DPO): 722/23 ~ Beta #3 (20 DPO): 3,338/15.3
BFP: 11/14/11 ~ Spotting/Betas not doubling, but HB of 113 bpm @ 6 wks 1 day!
My Chart
DH's Low Testosterone/ED Blog
Kathy... {hugs} Don't ever apologize for how you feel. It comes from a very real place. Unfortunately, we all feel negative emotions (jealousy, anger, sadness, envy, etc). It doesn't mean that you're not a good person, or that you don't have people's best interest at heart. TTC is a very emotional journey. When you're in the throws of it, it seems so much worse. I never noticed how many pregnant women are walking around, until I was ready to TTC again. My husband even leans over to me in line at the grocery store the other day (after a pregnant woman was in line in front of us) and he said, "Jealous?" I was. I didn't know her...don't know her situation...but it didn't matter. She is pregnant and I'm not. So, I didn't feel bad about my jealousy...I just felt it for a while. When you allow yourself to feel things, instead of trying to stuff the feelings, you feel that feeling for a much shorter time. It's better to feel jealousy and release it than to hold it inside and let it "color" everything else.
Oh...and I'm totally chart stalking you this cycle.
My only problem with the drive-bys is they sign up when they already have a feeling they are pregnant in most cases. Post a time or two, mostly fishing and then whahoooo bfp! Whenever I comment on them, it is usually for those very reasons.
Thank you ladies for your kind and honest responses. I should have added that it's not only what I feel for myself being that I still have some time before we get SA done and before we really start worrying, but it's for all of you as well. I sign on every morning hoping to see that one of you got a BFP instead I see these random BFP's that I rather not see.
As for me waiting to see how I feel when I'm still TTC a year from now, I am a big worrier. I am already in my mind planning for the worse, I pray that it will happen naturally and within the next couple of months but at the same time I worry that because I want something so badly and I'm stressing my body out that it won't happen and it will be years.....I know I need to relax and breathe. This was more of a vent than anything else, thank you all for reading.
You are a sweetheart. I wish you lived close by I would love to hang out. I chart stalk you as well, put it in your siggy so I can do it more often
There have been a lot of very well written responses to this post and I agree with almost all of them. I am still a newb (much more of a newb than you are Kathy) so my opinion may not be worth as much as others but I think it is perfectly normal to feel a little jealous of people who can do what you want to do much faster than you can. It's just quirky Mother Nature doing what she pleases with us...
BFP #1- 4/2011; DD Brynn born 12/2011
BFP #2- 7/13; EDD- 4/2/14; Lost DS at 20 weeks (11/16/13) due to cord accident
BFP #3- 3/14; EDD- 11/28/14; Lost DD at 15 weeks (6/7/14)- cause unknown
To my angels- I held you every second of your lives and I'll love you every second of mine.
Yes! A truck load of Baby Dust to all on this board!
You are definitely NOT evil... Just human (and woman to boot! haha). I'm new here myself (simply because I just found this board) and I'm trying to read and "listen" more than typing and "speaking" at this point. However, I see your point. It's frustrating as all get out when you see people that seem to just want to gloat about their "triumph"... Hang in there. Here's hoping you are over in 1st tri sooner rather than later!
BFP 9/8/10... D&C 10/18/10
RIP Angel Bear We will always love and miss you xoxo
BFP 10/7/2011; EDD 7/15/12 - STICK BABY STICK!!!!