TTC While SIL got BFP!!

emJ0605 · July 2010

I'm wondering if anyone else is in this position. My DH and I have been planning to start a family since November. We've been married for a year. Finally in April we decided to start TTC. It's been four months now and I just learned that my sister in law announced that they are expecting. SO frustrated because we've been together for 7 years total and my brother and sister in law got engaged after only a year and are now expecting. I guess I'm jealous but when we were engaged my SIL stopped talking to me because "I was stealing her thunder." I'm terrified to announce that we're expected (once this actually happens) that I might loose my relationship with my brother. I'm also frustrated because we have been planning for a family longer than them and there's was all of a sudden. Everytime i'm around my family my parents keep congratulating me on being and aunt. All my family members do the same. I was expecting to be an expecting mom by now. Anyone else deal with this? NOT FUN!

atlb · July 2010

Sorry your feelings got hurt, but people get pregnant all the time.

jessicasue87 · July 2010

yes i too am dealing with this. however, my cousin who is 19 got pregnant with some random guy, all the while my DH and I who have been married almost 2 years have been TTC, with no luck. so now my whole family is all 'what is taking us sooooo long to have a baby'...its so frustrating. but i just keep reminding myself that when we do get pregnant, it will truly be a baby out of love, and such a happy time for our family.

bexter · July 2010

Sorry, but you are making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. There is no "stealing of thunder" when planning for a family. You do your thing, let them do theirs. It can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive, so try to be patient. Also, your plans don't get to affect other people's decisions and vice versa.

You and your brother will be fine. HTH and GL!

MySweetBaboo · July 2010

It will happen for you too. People get married and have babies on their own timelines. It doesn't matter how long you've been planning/trying, it happens. Good luck, hope you get your bfp soon.

emJ0605 · July 2010

good point! thanks for being so positivie!

koupaquette · July 2010

My SIL getting KU before me would be terrible! SIL and BIL have been married longer than DH and I, but currently live in her father's trailer and BIL is unemployed. They have a lot of trouble taking care of themselves. It would be not good on so many levels. No one ever asks them if/when they're TTC.

On the 4th of July SIL announced "Guess who is pregnant?!" DH and I almost died until she told us it was a mutual friend from college.

I feel for you...

NJMom050911 · July 2010

I'm sure your brother will understand that you didn't try to steal her thunder, just explain to him that you've had some trouble conceiving and it took you a bit longer but you'll be so happy that the cousins (yours and your brothers child) will be close in age and have someone to grow up with. Good Luck!

Mrs.Umm · July 2010

emJ0605:
I guess I'm jealous but when we were engaged my SIL stopped talking to me because "I was stealing her thunder." I'm terrified to announce that we're expected (once this actually happens) that I might loose my relationship with my brother.

To answer your main question, in the time we've been trying, SIL got pregnant and now has a 5 month old. It hurts sometimes, but people get pregnant all the time. Just remember that their pregnancy doesn't effect yours.

About your SIL, it sounds like she's insecure. Hopefully your brother is smart enough to realize that he can be a dad and an uncle when it's your turn to announce.

MissLadyTay · July 2010

My SIL announced her pregnancy since we started trying. It honestly filled my heart with joy, knowing that our children will be somewhat close in age together. Plus, now there will be a baby nearby that I get to play with whenever I want, even if my own phantom baby isn't exactly on its way yet.

I don't think length of time together has much to do with preparedness in terms of having a baby. I think it's more about a couple's individual story and personal maturity. Some people sprint through life, some people stroll. To each his own. There's very rarely, if ever, a "right way."

Of course, there's luck involved too. Some people get pregnant really quickly. Good for them.

JenWen3 · July 2010

You forgot to call dibs on getting knocked up first. Didn't you know that's how it works?

Ok seriously, I totally understand feeling a little jealous about someone else's BFP. I don't understand feeling like they don't deserve it because you were trying/have been married longer.

kje120 · July 2010

Damn them for starting a family without consulting you first. Of all the nerve.

Sorry that you're upset that other people are having babies, but it's something you will have to learn to deal with unfortunately.

staycee · July 2010

emJ0605:
I'm also frustrated because we have been planning for a family longer than them and there's was all of a sudden.

this is what you are going to need to look past. It's irrelevant. You've been TTC since April? 3 or 4 months? In the grand scheme of things, that's a drop in the bucket. I could maybe understand feeling irked if you'd been TTC for years... (only cuz I've been there and know the hurt and bitterness that can pop up). Maybe your next. Maybe it will take you a long time. No one knows. Be happy for them - and hopefully they will return the happiness when you have your announcement.

emJ0605 · July 2010

My sister in law told ME that I was stealing her thunder even though I disagree with her. She truly cut me out of her life for being engaged at the same time they were so it just caused me to think there's a good chance we'll be preg. at the same time too and I just hope there's no drama. I also believe this is ridiculous. Not trying to sound like a brat... just explaining a stiuation and wondering if anyone else has been in this position.

Goodysgirl · July 2010

I was in your SIL's position. We had been married for 2.5 years, together for 5 years, BIL and SIL hadn't been together that long, married 2 months. When we told them, we got a horrible reaction (and subsequent treatment for a while) from SIL.

So my advice to you, for your brother's sake, be happy, supportive and excited.

That said, people get pg everyday, so she shouldn't worry about who is pg at the same time as her, stealing her thunder, etc. It might be fun for you all to be pg together!

cantalopes24 · July 2010

I am shocked that two married, consenting adults didn't take longer than you to get pregnant. How dare they, they should have at least waited until they had been together for as long as you to try to have a baby. And of course only one person can be pregnant at a time, sorry its her not you.

You complain that she thinks you tried to "steal her thunder" but you are saying the same thing about her now. Be grateful your kids will have cousins close in age to play with. And why shouldn't you be happy people are congratulating you on being aunt? Its not about you so its nice they think of you and comment.

emJ0605 · July 2010

I know! I hope she realizes that. Only time will tell.

kellbranc · July 2010

bexter:

Sorry, but you are making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. There is no "stealing of thunder" when planning for a family. You do your thing, let them do theirs. It can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive, so try to be patient. Also, your plans don't get to affect other people's decisions and vice versa.

You and your brother will be fine. HTH and GL!

I agree with this.

Although deep down in your heart it might hurt.....people are going to plan families and do their thing. While I was engaged my now SIL got pregnant, announced it at my rehearsal dinner and got married 6 weeks later. It happens.

My SIL and I are TTC at the same time....loooking at my history she'll most likely get KU before me. It happens.

emJ0605 · July 2010

I was and am truly happy for them. I cried of happines when they told us. I've been asking her all about it. I've given them presents to get excited about baby. I've talked with my brother about our own childhood and been there anytime he has wanted to talk about the excitement of his own family. I am genuinely happy for them. I guess people just don't know what it's like unless you know my sister in law. Sorry I made the post. Please stop attacking me. I'm a very selfless person and haven't mentioned this to anyone but thought that the boards were a place to go for support for inner feelings. Clearly I was wrong. If you don't have anything supportive to say, find another post.

MillerTime13 · July 2010

While I am technically not TTC yet, I totally feel your pain. Last year my sister got KU - she's not married, lots of issues - and it was planned. I never dreamed that she would have a baby before me (she's almost 6 years younger). DH's bro and SIL are younger than us and got married a year before us. My SIL told me when we found out about my sister, "Don't worry, you'll definitely have the first grandchild in THIS family," bc she didn't plan to start trying for at least 5 years.

Lo and behold, last month SIL got KU on BCP. I have told her we were already planning to start TTC soon, and she is very supportive and wants us to be pg together (fingers crossed). But yeah... sucks to be the one with the stable life who tries to plan for things (I know, I know, TTC can't really be controlled) and then have the people around you get what you want before you. I love my niece and am excited for my SIL so I feel like a total b!tch, but you can't help feeling what you feel.

cantalopes24 · July 2010

kellbranc:
bexter:

Sorry, but you are making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. There is no "stealing of thunder" when planning for a family. You do your thing, let them do theirs. It can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive, so try to be patient. Also, your plans don't get to affect other people's decisions and vice versa.

You and your brother will be fine. HTH and GL!

I agree with this.

Although deep down in your heart it might hurt.....people are going to plan families and do their thing. While I was engaged my now SIL got pregnant, announced it at my rehearsal dinner and got married 6 weeks later. It happens.

My SIL and I are TTC at the same time....loooking at my history she'll most likely get KU before me. It happens.

That however IS stealing someones thunder. Idk your relationship with her but that could have ended up being a rude/tacky disaster. Although I did want a friend of mine to get engaged at my wedding reception, so like I said it depends on your relationship.

FmrAFBrat · July 2010

I am. DH & I had told my mom that we were going to TTC after we had purchased our current house & sold our old house. Unfortunatly that was a 6 month ordeal. In January we closed on our current home & our other home was pending sale. Well in Feburary & got a call from my brother telling me that they had decided to TTC last month & got a BFP the first month. They were still living in their 1 bedroom condo-but magically were able to find, close, & move in thier new home a week before us. Confused

I am sure when I get pregnant I will be stealing her thunder. My SIL made my life terrible the last few times I saw her (we've only met 4 times-but she has a STRONG opinion of me). I don't think my brother will care either way-I am sure my mom told him about our plans last year. I just hope I am able to do it by Thanksgiving. I don't like the questions I get from family over the Holiday's (about when we are having a lo)....& I am sure it will be worse with the new little one. God help me. Sad

Goodysgirl · July 2010

I'm sorry you feel attacked. I know I certainly wasn't attacking. I just wanted to give perspective from the other point of view.

I'm glad you're excited and I hope you get your BFP very soon! Smile

staycee · July 2010

I don't see where you were attacked.

I can see where people responded to the tone of this post - which really was a bit whiney on your part, but you weren't "attacked"

SarahSueBob · July 2010

I had something kind of similar happen. My DH and I just started TTC this month, and so I was all excited about it and enjoying my secret. Then my cousin got PG accidentally. She had twins a year ago at 25 weeks, so everyone is really excited/worked up/scared about her pregnancy. And my first thought? "Oh great, now we might be KU at the same time and no one will be excited for me. I hope no one tries to throw us a joint shower." And then I slapped myself and got over it because it's SO exciting that they're having another one, and everyone will still be JUST as excited for me when I get KU - and I might not even get KU for a long time so it won't matter! AND my LO would have someone to play with!

You've had the chance to vent now, so just be happy for your family's new arrival and burn the SIL bridge when you get there.

vilaro · July 2010

TTC is difficult enough, let alone turning it into a competition. Rise above the BS and good luck!

brookelynpaisley · July 2010

I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt, but it sounds like you guys can both have a tendency to be immature about life events. No one has ownership on getting married or having babies or anything else. It's a part of life. If your brother and SIL are going to get upset and throw away their relationship with you over a prgenancy, they're twits anyway.

FWIW, it's not my SIL, but a close friend in our circle just announced her pregnancy. She and her boyfriend just got back together a few months ago and apparently, she got pregnant while on the pill. If I can manage to not be jealous, you can too.

TheMrsRN · July 2010

Meh, thunder is overrated. I know people will be happy for us when we get our BFP, but even if they weren't, I could care less. My DH and I will be over the moon, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

If someone is angry at you for getting married or having a baby, I wouldn't want a relationship with them in the first place.

Stimpy09 · July 2010

I have a tendency to get jealous of my friends at times, and I try to remind myself that life is a marathon, not a sprint. You'll get there too eventually.

EDIT: Also, don't be so sensitive OP, people were giving you good advice. If you want to survive on this board, you're going to have to roll with the punches a little more.

brandywine2010 · July 2010

emJ0605:
I was and am truly happy for them. I cried of happines when they told us. I've been asking her all about it. I've given them presents to get excited about baby. I've talked with my brother about our own childhood and been there anytime he has wanted to talk about the excitement of his own family. I am genuinely happy for them. I guess people just don't know what it's like unless you know my sister in law. Sorry I made the post. Please stop attacking me. I'm a very selfless person and haven't mentioned this to anyone but thought that the boards were a place to go for support for inner feelings. Clearly I was wrong. If you don't have anything supportive to say, find another post.

No one is attacking you. You are going to need some of these if you plan to stay around these parts:

rickisue80 · July 2010

I understand your frustration, and yes, it hurts when others seem to get what you want most in the world. But, be patient and know that it will happen for you too. Be happy for her because you'll want her to be happy for you. And, relax! Babies are a happy time - even if they're not yours!!! :-)

HTH

JennyAnne022776 · July 2010

emJ0605:
I'm also frustrated because we have been planning for a family longer than them and there's was all of a sudden.

Wait, so it's frustrating when you've been planning on starting a family for a long time and then someone who has been trying for far less time gets pregnant quickly and easily?

Ironic, considering the same type of posters will not understand why drive-bys and "OMG, we've only been trying 2 months!" announcements are discouraged.

Sorry OP, I understand the jealousy, but you being married longer =/= having kids first. I got married for the first time in 2001 and was married over 5 years. I have been married to DH almost two years. No baby. My sister got married in 2007 and has a 9 month old. Life is not always fair.

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