3.5 yr old girl issues - vent/advice needed

frogdogny · July 2010

So, DD1 has always been the perfect little girl (well, for the most part). But it seems that lately she is really obnoxious, for lack of a better word. She talks back to us (moreso my DH than me, but me too) and is just more aggressive in general. I have been attirubting it to a "phase" and wanting to test her/our limits and all that jazz, but apparently her daycare teacher has noticed it as well and mentioned something to DH about it this morning. He just sent me this email:

I had an interesting conversation with Ms. Y. about A.

She made the comment to me that A. was not as attentive and was more aggressive (verbal & physical).

I told her that we had noticed the same thing.

She said that A. does not play with any of the girls. Only the boys (A, T and C).

I told her that is what we thought.

She said it is because all of the girls that she used to play with either moved up to the 4?s, left school or are out for the summer.

She is going to try to steer her back to the girls.

I really don't know what to do about all this. We really don't like her recent behaviour and have been adressing it with time outs, etc. But it doesn't seem like it is working much and I am worried about it now affecting her at school. She used to be the teacher's favorite b/c she was so good/helpful/attentive/smart/etc. but it sounds like that has changed. And nothing at home has changed so I can't attribute it to anything in particular. Do you think this is just a phase? Any of you other mom's of girls have similar experiences? Any advice? This makes me really sad and I don't know what to do about it. *sigh*

Baby4OT · July 2010

So is the teacher saying that A has picked up these negative behaviors from the boys? I know boys and girls are different, but maybe she should be steering the kids to play more together instead of in boys and girls groups. That just seems sort of weird to me.

Anyway, my DD is 3.5 too (she'll be 4 in Oct) and she's definitely entered a phase of talking back and being REALLY impatient and just sort of obnoxious. I just read the book How To Talk so Your Children Will Listen and Listen so Your Children Will Talk. I haven't started implementing it yet, but I feel like everything in it describes how things are going at our house. I need to reread some parts and get DH on board and then start using it.

frogdogny · July 2010

Baby4OT:

So is the teacher saying that A has picked up these negative behaviors from the boys? I know boys and girls are different, but maybe she should be steering the kids to play more together instead of in boys and girls groups. That just seems sort of weird to me.

That is what it sounds like, doesn't it? I agree that it seems a bit "off" to me as well. However, I will add that all of the boys in her class really are quite aggressive (the old "boys being boys" thing seems to have definitely kicked in with these kids!) so there may be a smidgen of truth to that thought process.

At the same time, I think there are 2 reasons why DD started hanging out with the boys more. (1) Her cousin is in her class, and is, well, a boy. LOL! He is one of the 3 she spends most of her time with - in all truth of the matter, DD and her cousin are best friends. I mean, they live 5 mintues away from us, are only 3 months apart in age and they're in the same class at daycare. SHe likes to do what he does which is largely influenced by the other boys, not to mention my other nephew (the older brother) who is 9 and a true "wild one".

Reason (2) as to why DD started hanging out with the boys more is that the girls (allegedly) weren't ever very nice. LOL. The general feel I got from DD was that the girls were very "clique-ish" (as much as you can be at 3-4 yrs old). Since DD only joined the class in the past year and she has always been quite shy and not very outgoing, the other girls weren't really very open to adding her as a new friend. So she stuck by her cousin and made friends with his friends.

Anyway, I guess I am glad to hear this may just be a phase. She'll be moving to the 4's in the fall so hopefully that will bring about some changes. Maybe I'll check out that book. Thanks for the recommendation!

Ah, the joys of motherhood. :

bh2720 · July 2010

I don't have any advice (my son is only 15 months!), but we are good friends with a couple whose daughter is almost 4. They have been telling us that for the past 6 months or so she has been a real handful--always talking back, not listening to what they say and she even kicked her dad at one point. So while I have no idea what could be going on, I just want to say that you're not alone. I can't imagine how frustrating that would be!

MrsTiara · July 2010

Developmentally, the half years are supposed to be more challenging (18 mos, 2.5, 3.5, etc.). It's around when LO gets another independent streak, feels the need to do things his/her way. Like the terrible twos usually start around 18 mos, not 2. So, yes, it's probably a stage to suffer through.

I'm sorry, dealing with the "terrible twos" right now has got me in tears this afternoon.

SoonToBeMrsDTS · July 2010

I pray it's a phase, I think our older girls are just a few month apart right? We've been dealing with the back talk and not listening also. She got in trouble a couple times at preschool for not following directions at the end of the school year which was so unlike her. DD has also been hanging around mostly boys because most of my friends with 3-4 year olds have boys. She is so much louder and more aggressive when she is with them. She is such a girly girl at home but she prefers playing with the boys. She had some cliquey girls at her preschool who excluded her so I don't know if that has something to do with it or if maybe because she's so used to playing with DS. My mom keeps saying that the attitude "is the beginning of what you'll deal with when she's four". I hope it's not true, all this testing is making me crazy and "mean mommy" everyday. No advice but please let me know if you find something that works!!!

Artslvr · July 2010

DD is almost 3.5, and I swear I think it's coming. Our neighbors have a little girl 3 mos. older than DD who she plays with and the two of them just ignite each other. Their DD seems to be rebelling too, and I fear this is just around the corner for us. Hang in there, and let us know how it pans out!!!!

kirnat848 · July 2010

My dad always says that 3 is worse than 2 because they are smarter and faster! My oldest was just like that and at the same time she was hanging out with boys as there were only boys at her daycare...Hmmmm....my 3yo is almost there, she's been a little pain recently and I know its about it hit full force soon. The back talk and not listening are quietly making their way up, we reinforce by time outs and rewarding good behavior but I really do think it is a phase.

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