Not going to a wedding with DH?

erino&chrish · July 2010

I'm wondering if any of you have stayed behind while your DH goes to an out-of-town wedding. We were invited to one of DH's friend's weddings in September (2nd weekend) and DH is a groomsman. I have gotten extremely swamped with work and the wedding is 5 1/2 hours away, so I'd have to take Friday off. Also, I honestly just don't really want to go. I'm thinking I stay here, work on Friday, and hold down the fort. My mom may even come watch LO for a little while for me so I can have some "me" time-I haven't had a vacation in 2 years and DH is taking LO to his grandma's on Lake Michigan without me because I can't take off work. WDYT? WWYD? (Edit: I barely know the bride, have met her a handful of times, and honestly don't know the groom that well-that said, I probably wouldn't be missed).

tobewed0907 · July 2010

I have missed going to a wedding recently that my DH went to by himself because our sitter got sick at the last minute and we couldn't find anyone else to care for DD on short notice. It was DH's friend that I have only met a couple of times, so I didn't think it was a big deal. The bride & groom have so many guests to visit with that I'm sure they wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't attend.

Although, you have to take into consideration that if you put yourself down as a guest for dinner, then they're already commited to paying for your plate. The wedding I missed was a buffet style dinner.

C.Mo · July 2010

To be perfectly honest, if there was a shot at getting some "me" time all alone? Screw that wedding. But only if I wasn't very close to the couple, otherwise I'd suck it up.

erino&chrish · July 2010

tobewed0907:

I have missed going to a wedding recently that my DH went to by himself because our sitter got sick at the last minute and we couldn't find anyone else to care for DD on short notice. It was DH's friend that I have only met a couple of times, so I didn't think it was a big deal. The bride & groom have so many guests to visit with that I'm sure they wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't attend.

Although, you have to take into consideration that if you put yourself down as a guest for dinner, then they're already commited to paying for your plate. The wedding I missed was a buffet style dinner.

This is another problem-my mom is the only one available to babysit LO and doesn't have that Friday off work (and she lives 2 hours away so picking LO up from daycare is out of the question). We JUST RSVP'd and they don't have to finalize their headcount until next week, so I'm having DH call the groom today. It's almost 2 months' advance notice so I know the #'s won't get thrown off if we tell them now.

Paris05 · July 2010

I would not go.

My DH's side of the family just had a big reunion in Breckenridge CO. We live in Chicago. I would of had to take 2 days off work, fly 2.5 hours to Co then drive 1.5-2 hours to Breckenridge and then stay in a house with 35 people! They rented a really cool place that had an insane amount of bedrooms.

But no way my DS would do well in that environment. Plus with the altitude change I would worry he would get sick.

Turned out I made the right decision. My ILs laws really wanted me to bring DS ( which I totally understand) and they called me when they got back and told me I made the right choice. It was no place for a 19 month old.

So if I were you I would stay home.

tobewed0907 · July 2010

I wouldn't worry about going then. Sounds like it would be more of a hassle to make it there and now you'll have one less thing to stress about

rebus82 · July 2010

I didn't go to DH's half-sister's wedding a couple years ago. I wasn't feeling well, but *could* have gone and been okay, I just didn't feel like dealing with a 4-hour drive and staying at FIL's house. DH went, hung out with family, then came home the next day (he drove up the day before the wedding). I didn't feel remotely bad about it.

As long as you don't RSVP for yourself and then not show up, I don't think there's anything wrong with not going. If you're busy, you're busy. Like you said, it's not like they're going to feel like their best friend is missing the party.

And not to be rude, but will your DH be okay at a wedding without you to supervise him? I'm not sure if you've updated on how he's been lately, but I know you've had some issues in the past with him around alcohol.

erino&chrish · July 2010

Paris05:

I would not go.

My DH's side of the family just had a big reunion in Breckenridge CO. We live in Chicago. I would of had to take 2 days off work, fly 2.5 hours to Co then drive 1.5-2 hours to Breckenridge and then stay in a house with 35 people! They rented a really cool place that had an insane amount of bedrooms.

But no way my DS would do well in that environment. Plus with the altitude change I would worry he would get sick.

Turned out I made the right decision. My ILs laws really wanted me to bring DS ( which I totally understand) and they called me when they got back and told me I made the right choice. It was no place for a 19 month old.

So if I were you I would stay home.

Aw, sorry you're not able to go. But it definitely doesn't sound like a "peaceful" place for a 19 month old to nap/sleep. Plus, unless your love your IL's it's a great way to avoid being cooped up with them!

Thanks for the advice. I don't think I'm going. I already texted DH, and he seems fine with it.

RobynK · July 2010

If you don't want to go then don't. It's that simple.

Paris05 · July 2010

erino&chrish:
Paris05:

I would not go.

My DH's side of the family just had a big reunion in Breckenridge CO. We live in Chicago. I would of had to take 2 days off work, fly 2.5 hours to Co then drive 1.5-2 hours to Breckenridge and then stay in a house with 35 people! They rented a really cool place that had an insane amount of bedrooms.

But no way my DS would do well in that environment. Plus with the altitude change I would worry he would get sick.

Turned out I made the right decision. My ILs laws really wanted me to bring DS ( which I totally understand) and they called me when they got back and told me I made the right choice. It was no place for a 19 month old.

So if I were you I would stay home.

Aw, sorry you're not able to go. But it definitely doesn't sound like a "peaceful" place for a 19 month old to nap/sleep. Plus, unless your love your IL's it's a great way to avoid being cooped up with them!

Thanks for the advice. I don't think I'm going. I already texted DH, and he seems fine with it.

Yeah just go with your gut. As long as DH is cool with it don't go.

Paris05 · July 2010

erino&chrish:
Paris05:

I would not go.

My DH's side of the family just had a big reunion in Breckenridge CO. We live in Chicago. I would of had to take 2 days off work, fly 2.5 hours to Co then drive 1.5-2 hours to Breckenridge and then stay in a house with 35 people! They rented a really cool place that had an insane amount of bedrooms.

But no way my DS would do well in that environment. Plus with the altitude change I would worry he would get sick.

Turned out I made the right decision. My ILs laws really wanted me to bring DS ( which I totally understand) and they called me when they got back and told me I made the right choice. It was no place for a 19 month old.

So if I were you I would stay home.

Aw, sorry you're not able to go. But it definitely doesn't sound like a "peaceful" place for a 19 month old to nap/sleep. Plus, unless your love your IL's it's a great way to avoid being cooped up with them!

Thanks for the advice. I don't think I'm going. I already texted DH, and he seems fine with it.

Yeah just go with your gut. As long as DH is cool with it don't go.

peachypear · July 2010

DH went to a wedding solo just recently. It was a friend of his and a 4-hour drive away. It was a no-brainer for us. I signed the card He had a blast.

I went to a wedding solo a long time ago, because my SO at the time would have needed to take a chunk of time off work when he didn't know the bride or groom. Again, it was an easy decision. I had a great time catching up with old friends.

carlab44 · July 2010

I didn't go to the wedding of a close friend of DH's last fall. It was 3,000 miles away and kids weren't invited. I know the groom, but had never met the bride. We didn't want to fly the kids 3,000 miles for a long weekend and then have to get a sitter, and I didn't want to leave them behind (I was still nursing DS and wasn't ready to leave him). Wasn't a big deal at all.

jerzeygirl4ever · July 2010

I've been to a wedding sans H but it was in Costa Rica and only the wives went anyway. He went to a wedding sans me, b/c I had rehersal dinner for another wedding we had the next day.

Sage Mommy · July 2010

lol that this is coming from the OP that thought it was weird that my DH didn't attend a wedding I was in. DS was sick BTW.

erino&chrish · July 2010

Sage Mommy:
lol that this is coming from the OP that thought it was weird that my DH didn't attend a wedding I was in. DS was sick BTW.

I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings-you were asking for honest advice and I gave it. My response was actually really nice. Wasn't yours in-town, though? My situation is completely different: I'd have to take off work, have no one to watch LO that Friday, and it's 5 1/2 hours away. Not really apples to apples.

Sage Mommy · July 2010

erino&chrish:

Sage Mommy:
lol that this is coming from the OP that thought it was weird that my DH didn't attend a wedding I was in. DS was sick BTW.

I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings-you were asking for honest advice and I gave it. My response was actually really nice. Wasn't yours in-town, though? My situation is completely different: I'd have to take off work, have no one to watch LO that Friday, and it's 5 1/2 hours away. Not really apples to apples.

' Confused I totally get crushed over internet opinions. Ok so it's apples to oranges, which are both fruit still. If someone wants to side eye my DH staying home from a wedding to take care of our sick child, roll away. lol

stdldb29 · July 2010

We rarely go to weddings together. We live about 10 hours from our family/friends. So, DH goes to his friends weddings and I go to mine. It's too much $$ for all three of us to go.

~Soleil~ · July 2010

Sage Mommy:

' I totally get crushed over internet opinions. Ok so it's apples to oranges, which are both fruit still. If someone wants to side eye my DH staying home from a wedding to take care of our sick child, roll away. lol

This totally reminded me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding! lol

To the OP: You know you don't want to go, so don't.

WifeofaMarine · July 2010

I'm considering staying behind with LO when DH goes to/works a wedding in September, but its semi-local (about 30-45 minutes away). I say goes to/works because its his friend from work and he told her he'd also DJ the wedding (he's not a DJ, he's a lighting guy, but they are trying to save money). If DH is going to primarily be "working," I really don't think it makes sense for me to go. Plus, I think my parents are going to be away that weekend as well, and that's the only place I'd feel comfortable with LO spending the night. If we were mutual friends with the bride or groom, I'd definitely go, but I've only really met the bride once or twice (she works with DH) and I've never met the groom. If DH wasn't working, I'd probably go so we could enjoy a nice evening out. But, with him playing DJ, I really see no reason to go and I'd rather spend the evening at home with DS.

jolis_petits_bijoux · July 2010

erino&chrish:
I'm wondering if any of you have stayed behind while your DH goes to an out-of-town wedding.

I haven't. But in this situation, I probably would. It sounds like it'd be a hassle, and since you aren't close with the couple, I wouldn't feel bad about not going.

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