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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
The loss of a twin... full term
It is so hard for me to write this... writing it just makes it seem
more real, and I am surely still in shock and denial about it all. Ezra
Alan, my first born son passed after an unsuccessful attempt at surgery
to correct Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. My family and I live in
Nashville and thought for sure that Vanderbilt (being one of the best
places to have the surgery done in the world) would fix this and soon we
would have both boys at home. He lived 11 days and I only held him
once for about 10 seconds before he passed. Coming home to all
of the twin stuff was hard. We had two of everything... I'm trying hard
to cope with this and be happy for his brother Judah, but I feel so
angry and sad. I have never prayed so hard for anything in my life and
it did no good. Everyone has been sending sympathy cards, and I really
do appreciate the gesture, but we got more of those than ones of
congratulations. I feel we've been robbed of joy during what should be
one of the happiest times of my life. I know that he is with God, but
it's hard to hear anyone saying that God loves him more and that he is
safe now in God's arms. He should be in my arms. He was so beautiful
and never looked like anything was wrong, until after the surgery. Him
and his brother were not identical, but looked a lot alike. I went into
labor on the morning of the 27th and Ezra was 5.8 lbs and Judah was
6.1. I was so happy with their weights and felt like that would give
him some advantage through the operation... Now, my body has been put
through the ringer and I feel cheated. The reward was supposed to be my
two children and I am left with so much emotional pain. It is all very
bittersweet...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The loss of a twin... full term
I am so, so sorry. I know you have been through so much these past few weeks and I feel for you. I agree that it isn't fair and Ezra should be with you and I'm sorry that it happened the way it did. You must be going through an emotional roller coaster with having Judah without Ezra. You were robbed from happiness with Judah and I pray that time will help you heal.
The women on this board are amazing and will help you through the tough times.
TTC#1 since May 2009
PCOS * Hypothyroid
Bean - BFP May 26, 2010. EDD Feb 3, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 8w5d - June 29, 2010.
Pumpkin - BFP Feb 8, 2011. EDD Oct 21, 2011. Natural Miscarriage 6w3d - Feb 28, 2011.
May 2015: IUI#2 - nada.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I'm sure it's a double-edged sword to have one of your wonderful sons but feel such a huge loss with the other. The ladies on this board provide wonderful support; please make sure you use it.
T&P and ((((hugs)))).
I am so, so sorry for your loss. It is just not fair. And congratulations on the precious miracle you got to bring home. I can't even begin to imagine the gamut of emotions you must be going through right now.
If there is any place to go for support, this is the place. The ladies here are wonderful, and we will all be here for you every step of the way. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
6/14/10 BFP; 6/30/10 Dx ectopic
11/16/10 BFP #2; DD born 7/26/11
BFP #1 5/2010 - Missed m/c at 8 weeks
BFP #2 2/2011
Baby G welcomed with love and relief 10/2011
Surprise BFP 1/8/2013...say what? Baby A arrived 9/2013
Motherhood is not for wimps
BFP 5/9/10. U/S - no heartbeat 6/2/10 (7 weeks). Induced miscarriage 6/7/10.
Chemical pregnancies 12/2/10, 1/3/11, and 2/7/11.
dx: RPL due to poor quality uterine lining; begin progesterone January 2011
BFP 3/10/11. EDD 11/19/11. E arrived 11/15/11!
Loss Blog | Life Blog
I am so sorry for your loss! I totally agree with you about feeling like you're getting cheated out of a time in your life that is supposed to be joyful. You deserve to reveive sympathy cards for Ezra AND cards of congratulations for Judah.
Like the previous posters said, this is a wonderful and supportive place. Ihope you will be able to find some comfort here!
click the button above to read my blog!
We love and miss you Jillian (18w) and Peanut (6w). Welcome to our TAC miracle Jacob!
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Remembering Evelyn and raising Bailey
Evelyn Born at 24wks 6days on May 22, 2010 due to pre-e Passed away May 25, 2010
BFP# 2 Delivered 6wks early due to preeclampsia
Congratulations on the birth of baby Judah!
I am so sorry your for loss of Ezra. I can understand being angry right now with everything that is going on. It's a very tough thing to go through -- trying to be happy for your one healthy child and mourning the death of another. I do not have any advice but I hope you find peace with your situation.
This is a wonderful place to talk to ladies who have been through a multitude of things!
BFP C6 - m m/c found on 3/17 - D&C 3/19 9w6d
Aug 2011 - SA - Low motility (25%) high PH
Sept 2011 - SA - 100mil sperm, 37% motility
Oct 2011 - HSG/SHG if not natural BFP
Holy crap natural BFP(cycle 20)!!! - Beta#1 10/11 - 185 P-23, Beta #2 10/13 -499.8, P-35.7! Thyroid good at 1.13, Beta #3 10/18 5,854.6 P-30.6; Beta 4 10/25 - 39,500 p4 20
1st U/S on 10/18 - saw gestational sac! 2nd u/s (10/25) saw a tiny fetus and saw the HB flickering away! 3rd U/S on 11/2 measuring 2 days ahead HB 138! 4th U/S 11/9 - Measured 8w1d - HB 178! released from RE 11/16 U/S - HB 180 everything On track!
Pregnancy Blog
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12