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Clicky: Did having children make you unhappy?

EmmaRaeEmmaRae member
in Houston Babies

I saw this poll yesterday on MSNBC (inspired by this article). I was surprised by the results.

[Poll]
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Re: Clicky: Did having children make you unhappy?

  • CareBear01CareBear01
    I think age (or maturity) probably factors into this poll.  At the time I had DS, I had already had my "single" time, we had plenty of "married" time, we had travelled, bought a house, and we had grown in our careers.  We were ready for a kiddo, so we did not feel like having kids "brought us down".  I am sure if there were some unplanned PGcys or young (read: immature) mothers - they would answer that they are unhappy that the kids hindered their life b/c they were not ready for that step.  Kids do take a LOT of your time, and if you aren't ready for it, it can be a rude awakening!   
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  • EmmaRaeEmmaRae member

    I can see how age/maturity would play into it. I also think that age of children probably plays into it, too. I think I could probably hit all three categories depending on if I was polled with L at 5 weeks, 5 months, and 15 years.

    2/3 of those that answered in the MSNBC poll picked "Yes" or "Mostly." That was a much larger segment than I expected. I kind of thought the numbers on the board might skew more to the middle/other side simply given the nature of the board.

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  • LisaK2bLisaK2b member

    Is there an inbetween mostly and no?  If so...I would probably pick that one.  Then again, the only thing that having children did to make me unhappy is all physica appearancel.  Living style and general life, I'm happy.  My body and maybe even health has pretty much went down hill since getting pregnant with #1 (went from a size 8 to a size 14 - most of it due to losing my muscle mass while on bedrest).  And I REALLY REALLY want to have the energy to work out and eat right, but I'm just not there.  So only in that regards am I unhappy which was a result of being pregnant and having children.  I have the lack of motivation to change because honestly, when I have 1 hour to do whatever I want at night...I want to decompress and watch TV.  And in the morning time on the weekends, I want to sleep in if the kids are still sleeping (rare but sometimes we can go to 7:30 and I get so excited to sleep another hour).

    Lisa. mommy to Emmy and Ally image
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  • aprilprincessaprilprincess

    I think it also has something to do with how it is worded. I wouldn't have answered yes but the follow up of "I do love my children but I can't say I'm happier then I was before I had them" is confusing. The second statement sounds to me like "I'm the same level of happiness as I was pre kid" not "I'm unhappy."

    And my kid brings me joy in a different way then I had pre kid. At this stage in my life I'm happier then previously because of many things, including a kid, a happy marriage, stable home life, etc.

    So I don't think the way the survey was worded is clear enough to have a definied result. (disclaimer: I was a sociology major, so must survey questions/answers bug me).

    -Clare
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker imageLilypie Premature Baby tickers
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  • NannerNanner
    imageaprilprincess:

    I think it also has something to do with how it is worded. I wouldn't have answered yes but the follow up of "I do love my children but I can't say I'm happier then I was before I had them" is confusing. The second statement sounds to me like "I'm the same level of happiness as I was pre kid" not "I'm unhappy."

    And my kid brings me joy in a different way then I had pre kid. At this stage in my life I'm happier then previously because of many things, including a kid, a happy marriage, stable home life, etc.

    So I don't think the way the survey was worded is clear enough to have a definied result. (disclaimer: I was a sociology major, so must survey questions/answers bug me).

    I totally agree.  I didn't even answer because I didn't feel like my answer fell into any of those categories.

    The sad thing is, because of the way it was worded and people having to answer in a way that didn't completely jive with their feelings (if they chose to answer it), there are a bunch of commenters that feel sad for our society because so many people are supposedly unhappy being parents.  I would venture to guess that a large portion of those who said Yes in the survey aren't really regretting they had kids--they're just saying they're unhappy since having them.  It doesn't mean they don't still love and want them.

    image
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  • CareBear01CareBear01
    I agree with pps saying the wording was weird.  I answered "No", but I agree with the 1st answer statement (even though it is "yes").  I am not "unhappier", but I can't say I'm happier.  There is a different kind of happy.  I traded my ability to attend "spontaneous" events and sleep-in on the weekends (which made me happy back then) for baby hugs and kisses (which make me happy now). 
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  • cali_girl92504cali_girl92504
    I had dinner with a friend over the weekend and she mentioned this article. I haven't read it but I did respond to the poll that I'm just as happy now. She, however, was concerened with some of the comments not only in the article but by readers as well and it made her and her FI re-evaluate when they want to have kids. I'm saddened that people speak so negatively about having children. I hear it too and poor DH hears is A LOT from his shallow and materialstic male co-workers who keep telling him "life is over for him." I find our lives more filled with love and joy and far from over. My neighbor has been Negative Nancy since the day her baby was born. I fully agree with my vote- I knew being a parent would be difficult but rewarding. Yes, we're only 4 months in but we've loved every single second of it and I honestly don't see that changing (until her teens...dreading that)
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  • rayskit10rayskit10 member

    imagecali_girl92504:
    I'm saddened that people speak so negatively about having children. I hear it too and poor DH hears is A LOT from his shallow and materialstic male co-workers who keep telling him "life is over for him." I find our lives more filled with love and joy and far from over. My neighbor has been Negative Nancy since the day her baby was born. I fully agree with my vote- I knew being a parent would be difficult but rewarding.

    THese sound like the same kinds of guys who refer to their wives as things like "ball and chain" but with no humor. They sound like the types of guys who also said life was over when you got married. Those types of guys are so annoying to me.

    I also get annoyed by people who never have a nice thing to say about their kids. You should have thought about that before you reproduced, ya know. Yes, it's a challenge but anything worth having takes effort.

    I also agree with AprilPrincess and Nanner about the wording. I mean, there are so many shades of gray with an issue like this.

    I am more stressed out but that doesn't mean unhappy to me. It's just different. I am also very lucky with the partner I have in parenting. I think the state of a marriage has a lot to do with how having kids bears on your life. 

    image
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