- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Hawaii Babies
redshoegirl
member
apparently I spoil our babies (MIL strikes again!)
redshoegirl
member
You know, I feel kinda bad for the stories I post about MIL sometimes, because she IS kind to us and loves Will and Dash a lot. But she definitely has a "my way or the highway" point of view, and the things that come out of her mouth at times...
Earlier this week, when my dad and stepmom were here, the ILs wanted us all to meet at a restaurant for dinner. We asked if we could make it lunch instead, since the boys have just started sleeping for extended periods of time (11pm-7/8am) and we know from experience that taking them places at night screws with their sleep patterns pretty badly (to the point where it can take several days to get back to normal) and we reeeeally want to encourage this longer sleeping time. MIL got pretty upset about this for some reason (not sure why, as she didn't already have plans or anything), but did agree before hanging up on Ben. Nice.
When we got to the restaurant, MIL was very chilly toward me until finally I said, "Thank you so much for meeting us for lunch instead of dinner - it's soooo much easier and really helps us and the boys out." She raised an eyebrow toward the stroller where Will and Dash were napping, and said "Yes...I see you're spoiling them like that," then turned away to talk to someone else.
Seriously? We're "spoiling" them by not dragging them out to a restaurant at night? They're 12 freaking weeks old!
*sigh*
Anyone else have a spoiled baby? 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: apparently I spoil our babies (MIL strikes again!)
Oh boy. Not cool.
My MIL has said some rude things about Libby being spoiled...
...because we changed her diaper after just changing one about 10 minutes earlier. WTH?
And once J told her that Libby was a "party girl" because she awoke at 2:30 a.m. and stayed up until 4 a.m. (during her 4 month wakeful) and she asked him if he "spanked her and told her she was being naughty."
That not only pissed me off, it made me EXTREMELY sad for J.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
OMG Lisa, & Lori! You girls have some crazy ass MILs! I'm lucky that my MIL is pretty cool. Her Be-otch sister who stuck a thermomitor in Ryan's butt bc she was sure he was crying bc he couldn't poop, and tried to give him tea on the other hand...
Let's agree to never be crazy like they are when we're older :-)
Errrr...I hope she was just joking, even though it's not really funny at all...
This is my point of view, too. I think that people often try to apply the same rules/thought process to children across an age bracket that's simply far too wide. What's good for a newborn baby is not the same as what's good for a 5 year old, but many people (I'm thinking particularly of older generations) seem to think it is.
For example, letting a baby CIO is not the same as letting your tantrum-throwing toddler cry a little, and trying to discipline an infant for fussing is not the same as disciplining a 5-year-old who is throwing a hissy fit. Babies don't have a terribly sophisticated thought process...how are they supposed to discern that they're being scolded/spanked/whatever for crying vs feeling cold/hot/wet/hungry or wanting to be held?
That was incredibly rude of your MIL. I'm thinking that you're going to encounter plenty of those moments with her, if she isn't pulled up on it, sooooo I reckon you're just gonna have to set your mind to 'ignore' when she gets overbearing.
Actually, though, I would let it be known to her that the little comment she made, along with the raised eyebrow and attitude wasn't appreciated and isn't gonna fly with you.
Babies that age cannot be spoiled. Thanks god we, as a society, are wiser these days when it comes to baby care.
Now, on a different angle. I have noticed a difference in my own parenting of my second born as opposed to my parenting of my firstborn. My world doesn't revolve around Samara like it did with Maya...it CAN'T. So, instead of Josh and I completely adapting our world to accomodate Sam's schedule...we kinda meet in the middle with her and she adapts to our/Maya's schedule somewhat.
Now, I don't know whether her personality is just THAT much more different to Maya's or whether a lot of the difference is but I've been asking around a lot of mum's and most of them agree that the 2nd bub's tend to be a lot more adaptive then the firstborns so maybe there's something in that.
We couldn't take Maya out at night, we always had to make sure she was down by a certain time and kept to her routine. She just seemed to need conditions a certain way in order for her routine to stay in tune.
Samara, we CAN take out. She has just learned to fall asleep where she is and her routine doesn't really suffer for it if we have the odd stay-out-late night.
That being said, going out to dinner with a baby/babies is like water and oil...it's not something that is ideal really. Parents go out to dinner to relax and...well having a baby/babies at the table is not relaxing.
So true!! My FIL always asks us to come over around 7:30 pm for dinner or just to stop by... well by 7:30 Bella is usually sound asleep and we're not too far behind her! Yep we're old like that
I'm seriously in bed by around 9 every single night, she wakes up between 5-6 so me going to bed later=bad mood the next day! I need sleep in order to parent her and some people just don't get that.
I feel bad for you Lisa and Lori! If spoiling them is letting them sleep then I NEVER spoil mine
She simply has never been a great napper but she's gotten better as she's gotten older. I will say that when she's sleeping we interrupt her nap for NOTHING! Does your MIL know that babies need sleep in order for them to grow/learn? Or maybe she doesn't care about that... I would say, she'll work around YOUR schedule and if she can't, well that sucks for her because she won't be seeing you guys much if that's the case... I would set her in her place NOW though so this isn't something you have to deal with for the next 18 yrs until your twins become adults... I would also mention "you had your chance and now it's mine"... I've done that SEVERAL times with FIL and now he doesn't say much and he's actually much more pleasant to be around.
I think sometimes it's hard for us mom's to remember that when our parents or our IL's were parents, things were SOOOO different than they are now! There's plenty of research that's been done to cause it to be different/better than it was back then. I try to explain that to our (DH and my) parents so that they understand we're not just crazy. My mom wanted to feed Bella eggs and I said no and explained the reason, now she just responds "wow they really are SO different, we used to feed you guys everything"... it is what it is and it's different... It's MY kid so play by MY rules
I'm mean like that.
ugh and ugh!
NO, you cannot "spoil" a baby. Drives me nuts that people would think this.
My mom always says she is happy my sister and I were "spoiled" with love and we never became spoiled rotten as her mom/g'ma warned might happen. I bet she means much of the same as discussed in this post b/c she was always in tune with our needs and put us first but never let us be the out of control toddler/children/teens that are just spoiled with stuff and no discipline??
i'm sorry! i totally feel your pain. at some point i plan to compose a post about all the ridiculous things i was told when i was in CA!!
there is no way you are spoiling them just by making sure they get some much needed rest? i don't even know where she would get off thinking that. and how rude that she would say that after you made a nice comment to thank her for accommodating your schedule!
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
Oooh please do!