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Attachment Parenting
ahill1889
member
Sudden "house rule" (long)
ahill1889
member
No this is not at my aunt's. I'm posting this kind of late, but I woke up this morning and for some reason it just really pissed me off.
A few weeks ago DD and I were at my parent's house to play D&D with my dad, mom, and a friend my dad has known for years. When it comes time to feed her I go to just feed her like normal (dad's friend was just getting there). Mom asks me to cover up, and hands me a really big blanket to cover her with. I try it and DD flips. I spent 10 minutes trying to get her to stay latched and feed her. Finally I give up and ask Matt (dad's friend) if I he is ok with me not covering up. He says yeah, and I feed her. Fast forward to last Sunday. DH came with us to watch the World Cup Final at my parent's house. Since it was exclusively family I turned in the chair to kind of block the view and feed her since she was struggling a little bit and I didn't want to flash my boob to everyone in the room. I turned slightly to be able to watch the game and feed DD and my mom starts yelling at me. She 'informed' me that it is a house rule (which nobody told me about), that I either have to cover up, or go in another room.
It wasn't that she wanted me to cover up, it was that she yelled it at me, disrespected, embarassed and even humiliated me in front of my family.
What should I do? DH doesn't want DD over there until after she is weaned. I'm thinking of not taking her over until I get an apology from my mom, which is a bit less extreme. My reasoning is that if she gets in the habit of doing it now she's going to do it in front of DD and that could cause her to think it's ok to talk to mommy like that. What do you think?
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Re: Sudden "house rule" (long)
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Why don't you ask your mom what makes her so uncomfortable? Whatever reason she has would not make it acceptable to talk to you that way, and I do think you deserve an apology, but it might help you understand how to come to a compromise of some sort.
Not taking her over until you get an apology just sounds kind of childish and like you're using DD as a pawn. That being said, it would probably be my first thought too.
Idk how far away they live, but maybe you could restrict your visit times? Go over for a while, and leave when she needs to eat. When your parents wonder why you're leaving so soon, tell them she needs to eat so you're going to go home to do it.
Is it a little passive aggressive? Probably, but that's what I think.
Makes sense. They are like 3 blocks down the street. Really close.
I think you also need to be the adult here (since your Mom kinda isn't) and stand up for yourself and your family. Talk to your Mom. Let her know that bf is a respectable thing to be doing and that it is the way you choose to feed your baby. You should 'request' an apology.
I would then go with pp's idea that you can go but leave when it's time to nurse (and I would be a good bit passive aggressive about it).
I think I would say, "Mom, I don't like the way you spoke to me. You embarassed and humiliated me. I'm an adult. If you don't want me to breastfeed at your house, you can politely ask me to use a cover or go in the other room, but please do not yell at me."
Maybe she will apologize once she knows how you feel. If not, you can ask her to apologize. Maybe she was caught up in the moment. Maybe she has other underlying issues. Either way, I think the best way to work out this type of disagreement is to tell her exactly how you feel, act rationally, and ask that she respect you.
I just watched an argument between my MIL and SIL, and both just escalated the argument. Neither apologized, nor asked for an apology. Had either one of them done this, the argument would have been over.
From your previous posts, it sounds like you are close to your family and it sounds like you need support from them. React maturely and hopefully they will treat you like a mature adult in the future.
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