- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Houston Babies
MIL WWYD?
MIL has chosen the name "grandmama" for herself, despite the fact that way before Marion was born, we told MIL that my mom was going to be "grandma." (Not to mention I can't stand grandmama.) We thought the name "bebe" would be a great alternative (MIL's name is Labebe) and have said so several times.
As it turns out, Mar can't really say "grandma" so my mom has become "GiGi." We don't know if GiGi will stick or if Marion will say Grandma when she's able to say it. Either way, my mom is fine with it as she likes both names.
However, MIL still insists on calling herself Grandmama even though whenever she says it to Marion, Marion calls her GiGi and gets upset that it's not my mom on the phone. Josh has several times told his mom that "grandmama" is hard for Marion to say and then he'll say, "Hey Marion, come say "bebe" or something along those lines.
Would you just leave the situation alone and inwardly cringe every time you hear or read "grandmama?" Or should I keep talking about "Bebe" to Marion in reference to MIL? Or would you not even worry about it because apparently the next time MIL cares to come visit, the girls will be in high school and it won't matter anymore?
In seriousness though, I struggle with it because I try to talk to Marion about MIL, especially when she sends her a package and things like that, but I just can't bring myself to call her Grandmama. Is totally wrong of me to refer to her as "Bebe" or should I just stick with "this came from dada's mama."
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MIL WWYD?
MIL insists on being called "Grandmother Firstname". I think it's stupid, but it's her name and it's what she wants. I just deal and kind of snicker when I say it (not in front of her).
My mom is Yaya. The kids say Yaya. They obviously can't say Grandmother Firstname. I think it hurts her feeling, but she chose the name. Maybe someday she will be okay with whatever slaughtering of her name the kids come up with. I actually joke and call her Grandmama...
I wouldn't waste the energy to even worry about it.
Don't worry about it. There is a chance that M will call them both whatever she wants no matter what you or her grandmother's say anyway. While she might not at this very instant, she will learn the difference in names even if she can't say it. My brother had a hard time ever saying my name (and always called me Sissy when he was little) but even though he couldn't say it, when you said "Viula" he knew it was me. KWIM?
I don't think it's "wrong" to call her Bebe but if you are worried about M being confused, I think it's not worth it to push it. Again, M will end up calling her whatever she wants. If it were me, I'd probly call her "G-mama". lol. Again with my brother- he has 2 "grandmas" and it was never an issue.
I always try to remind myself that I will be a MIL or GMIL some day. I may hate my DIL for no reason she can tell (other than no girl will be good enough for my boys) or she may despise me simply because I am her MIL and she feels like that is what you do. I will hope that my DIL will give me some leeway, esp with my grandkids. THe best way, I feel, to ensure that is with some good karma now.
I like V's good karma. I need to remember that...
As for "naming rights", I kind of think the grandparents get to pick what they hope to be called, and then the kids take it from there. I just don't think it's your place to choose the name. And your MIL might wonder why your mom got to pick grandma before she had a chance to be grandmama, you know?
so I go with grin and bare it. And I know of what I speak. I gotta call FIL "Papa Griff". How awful is that?!
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
I would probably just leave it alone too. My MIL is on like her 5th name. She is constantly changing what she wants DS to call her. He is too young right now to call her anything and we just tell her he will probably come up with something on his own. When referring to her we usually just call her "G" b/c that is one of the names she went by for a while. The only name DH has shot down is grandmother...he thought it was too formal (she is not a formal person.) I just privately cringe b/c it isn't worth getting too worked up about.
DS is my parents 5th grandchild so my moms name is set and we didn't have to worry about what he would call her.
We are in the midst of the opposite battle right now. MIL wants to be called something other than grandma, but hasn't specified until now. DD has been calling her grandma since she was a year and now MIL is trying to convince DD to call her something completely different and DD isn't having it. It's annoying. I feel your pain on these situations, I'm just praying it resolves itself so I don't have to force my DD to call MIL something else.
I hope you're able to get things resolved soon!
hmmm...tough one. I'll just tell you my situation. My mom is "grandma". But in vietnamese is "Ba". Emmy always called my mom "Ba" ever since she was little, but when DH says "grandma" to her, he's also referring to my mom and Emmy is fully aware that grandma is my mom. Then within the past year, Emmy started calling her "Ba Grandma". And that's what she calls her now and I'm pretty sure it'll stick for good. So in the end, she did come up with her own name for my mom.
As for MIL, she doesn't see them often and when she does, she refers to herself as "grandma" and it makes me grinch. But it's not because that's what my mom is, but more like...she doesn't deserve the title. I asked her one time what grandmother was in chinese and she didn't really know (which is kind of sad considering that she can't speak english that well...but that's a different story...anyhow, I figured calling her grandma in a different language that I didn't speak would be acceptable to me because it'll just be random word to me) In the end, I decided not to pick this battle and let her call herself whatever she wants to the kids, not like it matters since they don't care, Emmy just wants toys. You'll be surprise that you don't really have to address her or call her anything when you make a statement or ask a question. I don't think I've said her name or anything in front of her face in the past 4 years. It's more like "do you need help with that?" "hi" "Emmy, you want to give them/her a hug goodbye?" So it's actually worked out. DH does the exact same thing too!
When she's not around and we have to explain that we're going to their house or something to Emmy, we pretty much say, we're going to Ye Ye's house (we call FIL "YeYe" like what Kailan calls her granddad and I started having Emmy call him that, which he likes). Or if I'm talking to Emmy about MIL specifically, I say "your daddy's mom". Which is still the truth and it's not like I'm cussing or anything.
One of the reasons it irks me so much is because Marion has seven grandparents to name. My dad & step mom were already set since Mar wasn't their first grandchild.
Josh's two grandmothers both picked to be called "granny." They've spent their entire grandmotherhoods now bickering over which is "granny" and which is "granny firstname." All the grandkids call them "granny" to their face, but we refer to them as "granny firstname" to keep them separate when they aren't face to face. I once made the mistake of saying "Granny Barbara" to Granny Barbara's face and was quickly told "Oh no, I'm just Granny!"
So that's also another reason why I'm irritated that she'd chose "grandmama" when my mom was already "grandma." And she didn't pick anything at all until Marion was over a year old so she lost her right to chose first just by stalling.
I should just let it go, but I'm having so many other issues with her right now that I just want to irk her by not using her name. Totally passive aggressive and childish of me, I know.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
I would call her "Bebe" I think your MIL should suck it up and realize that "Grandmama" is hard and you aren't going to force your child to say it.
Noah calls my mom"GiGi" too.
The whole grandparent name thing cracks me up for some reason. It started here 5 years ago when my first niece was born. Part of me thinks to just go with it (while laughing to yourself) and let M butcher it however she pleases. But then again, my FIL is "papa" and it just doesn't suit him (and I cringe calling him by that name for some reason). So I will probably plant another name in A's head at some point... Hee hee!
BTW- love your cute new siggy! Aiden's hair is reddish blond and I hope it darkens more like M's
I would just let M call her whatever she ends up calling her. My parents ended up being MoMo and PoPo even though we always called them Grandma and Grandpa to the kids.
I honestly don't even know if my in-laws had name preferences for themselves. Alex just started calling them Grandma and PopPop.
When I was little I called both sets of my grandparents by Grandma and Grandpa. A lot of times we had to clarify by saying Grandma Lastname, but it was no big deal!
Same for me... cept they were "Granny" I called them just 'granny' unless talking to my parents or someone else who I needed to clarify for.
I would just let her call herself whatever she wants to call herself, Marion will end up naming her if she ends up being around enough.
I do feel your pain though - smil didn't know what she wanted to be called so she started out as just Grandma by us. One day while at her house Aidan was calling for me, he says Momma a lot for me, and all she heard was the 'ma' part and thought he called her that. She got so excited and made a huge deal about it and now refers to herself as Ma. It grates on my nerves that she started running with it and coaxing Aidan and her other grandbaby to call her Ma now because to me that is a mother's name, not a grandmother's. I think her wanting to be called Ma so bad comes from her never having had any children of her own... but that's a whole other issue... Bottom line, I just pick my battles and let this one go - Aidan calls it PaPa's house and asks for PaPa all the time but doesn't really address her very often.
ditto this. and we have papa tom for FIL. although Addie has never called him anything both times she saw him. I think she said grandpa to matt about him. but he's a class A turd so who cares.
we're of the pick your own names+kids say what they want camp too. my mom picked grandma posh (and she calls my dad grandpa becks) for some looney reason. her name stuck but he's just grandpa. mil was grandma jeanne but addie calls her "blue grandma" for some reason. (we think it's because mil sent a picture of herself against a blue background but no one is sure).
and my sister was aunt yuck instead of aunt yvonne for a couple years (after she taught addie the word yuck). so i second the idea of letting grandma choose her name but let marion go with whatever she picks to call her. grandma will grow to love her special name and probably let the rest go.