How to prepare toddler for DHs deployment? questions
DH will be deploying and I was wondering if there is anything I can do to prepare or help our 2 1/2 year old. I realized after DH was gone for 2 weeks this past time that it does effect him as he hugged DH when he got home and wouldn't let go and then bit him for no reason. I could see our sons face as it was just confused and had a huge range of emotions all over it. I had to look away as it made me cry. I know at his age he is not sure what he is feeling. What can I do to help him? I have ordered book for him from military onesource, had him help DH pack his luggage (as DH is off again this week). Any other aids/things/words/ etc that may help him?
Also, if you have been through a deployment with a toddler do you show him your emotions when you are sad,cry, etc? I have been shielding it (go outside to compose myself) and don't let him see me upset. For the most part, I have accepted what is, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed as he is gearing up.
Thanks so much and I am sure I will be here more in the coming months.
Re: How to prepare toddler for DHs deployment? questions
It's hard...we are coming to a close on our deployment and it's been a struggle with DS. He was 2 1/2 when DH left. The best advice I have it to let him talk to Daddy as much as he can. I know for us we have gotten to talk to Hubby almost everyday and we can skype a lot too so he sees Daddy a lot.
We bought several different books to read and we made a build a bear in a soldier outfit
Daddy recorded a message into "Daddy Tiger" and DS pushes that every night.
He asks for Daddy a lot...and when he gets in trouble all I hear is "daddy....daddy....daddy". I've also randomly found him on his bed crying because he misses Daddy. For the most part though he has done GREAT
I wouldn't cry in front of your toddler... but definitely make it known that its okay to be sad, mad, etc.. and to encourage your son to tell you about his feelings.
Also, I think somebody already mentioned it, but the sesame street DVD made my military onesource is awesome!! Go online and you can have it sent to you, completely free.
My 3 year old stepdaughter LOVES her daddy doll - hugahero.com
it goes everywhere with her! At her age, she doesn't quite understand it sometimes... she came over and asked where her Daddy was, she seems to forget that he is gone. But my 5 year old stepson has taken it much worse, because he definitely GETS that his Dad isn't here.
Talk about the deployment plenty beforehand... try to put the amount of time into a frame he can understand. Like saying "Daddy will be home after the next Easter" as opposed to "Daddy will be home in 10 months"...
Good luck, I hope everything goes smoothly!!
They also have some books on there (hardback children books) that help explain things a little as well. We ordered some for our Key Spouse group to lend out to families who don't wish to order copies from MOS.
I cried infront of the kids. They asked what was wrong and I said "I miss Daddy" then we'd get through it.
It helped them see that emotion is okay, and that being sad is a normal part of separation. They also knew it was okay for them to cry if they were sad or missed daddy.
We did a homecoming chain. Each day that Daddy was away we added a link. A friend of mine came up with the idea. It reminded us that each day was an accomplishment and that we made it through.
We also sent Daddy a toy and he took pics with it all over Iraq. We skyped on each of the kids B'days (he missed the last one by 3 weeks). He was the first one to wish them Happy B'day and they all ate their cake "with" Daddy.
Don't lie to them. I tell the kids that "Daddy is at work" We use sandbox or caveland for the AO. They ask if he builds sand castles or plays with dinosaurs. It gives them something to relate to.
Just be honest. Explain that he'll be gone a long time and that you'll get through it together - one day at a time.
The USO has a great program called United Through Reading. If there is no USO near you, you can still do this yourself pretty easily. They make a video tape of your deploying service member reading a book (either a favorite book, or a new one) and then you get the tape and a copy of the book to take home. You can then put the recording on and have Daddy read your little one a book whenever they want. The Sesame Street DVD is also excellent!
Daddy dolls are also great tools! It is a great conversation starter for the little ones to be able to tell Daddy what "they" did together that day.