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Secondary IF
LuckyH
member
m/c at 8w4d - 10/2/09 baby girl Ruth Elise
**sommer**
LuckyH
member
in Secondary IF
When you have time, I'm still very interested to hear about your med-free birth. We could email chat about it if that's easier for you. Or not, if you're too busy. lol
m/c at 8w4d - 10/2/09 baby girl Ruth EliseThis discussion has been closed.
Re: **sommer**
/butting in
I'm interested too, obviously I don't need the info but I'm still interested
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
So, This is my philosophy on birth in general for non-complicated, singleton, average pregnant women. I think that non-intervention up to 42 weeks is really the way to go - your body and baby are wise and they know what they're doing. Rushing (induction), proding (stripping membranes), and otherwise hob-knobbing in there only introduces risks and rarely (again up to 42 weeks) yeilds any results that wouldn't have otherwise come to surface on their own.
So I had been all amp'ed up to have a medicated hospital birth when I was PG with my daughter. I was CONVINCED that because I did fertility, I was then deemed "high risk". I went to the Peris and would literally wait 4 hours for a 20 min appt. It was ridiculous (I can't even imagine having a kid already and doing that wait time!). I finally asked her flat out one time, after waiting for her to section someone who was having a heart attack and preterm labor (real serious high risk stuff), if I was suited for her kind of care. She said straight out, "If you want to be here, fine but I'd release you even to a MIDWIFE!"
The thought had never crossed my mind honestly. Regardless of how hippie I like to think of myself, I was TERRIFIED (as are many women because of what our media monsters feed us: Baby Story, Trauma Life in the ER, High Risk delivery programs on Discovery Health....yes, I watched them all!) of labor, birth, etc.
So I must also mention that I bled, under the care of the Peri (high risk) doc at 12 weeks. They blew me off. Didn't even let me come in for an u/s. It wasn't bad so I let it go.
Then at 16 weeks I was watching a movie with DH on a friday night at home and felt really serious period cramps, went to the bathroom and DUMPED CUPS AND CUPS of blood. It looked like a murder scene. I called the hospital my high risk doc was at (this was before I switched) and L&D said "We won't see you until 24 weeks" so they directed me to the ER. I went in (and you can only imagine who and what is in the ER waiting room at 11pm on a Friday). The registration lady said, while staring at my very obvious belly, "Oh don't worry, you'll lose this one and be pregnant again next month". I was HYSTERICAL. She told me that if I coudln't calm down, she'd have to ask me to leave. I waited 3 hours to be seen while people came and went with contageous diseases, a woman who had been beated by her husband and was throwing up blood (they'd do nothing for her but give her a larger bucket to puke her internal bleeding blood into), etc.
When I was finally seen by some 13 year old intern and a slew of other student docs along with 1 overseeing real doc - not a single one of them knew how to use a doppler. NOT ONE. Out of like 7 people who were in the room. I immediately asked for an u/s and they said that there were no techs in. I asked what would happen if I came in with a sucking chest wound and needed and u/s to see where the bullet was - "Oh we'd call someone in". Ahhhhh, remind me not to land THERE with a gunshot wound! GAH!
I continued to bleed cups and cups and no one would even talk to me - just left me and my husband to bawl in the room on our own. I made him leave me and go dismantle the crib he'd set up earlier that day because I couldn't see it when I went home.
Anyway, it was attrocious. In that moment, I completely lost all faith in their ability to triage any sort of emergency and that was, in essense, why I'd chosen that hospital. For their "in case sh!t happens" abilities! So all bets were off. I was outta there!
My chiropractor asked me if I'd consider a midwife because he knew of the best one in the area (his opinion) and I took her name. She's german (which believe it or not made me feel more confidence in her non-western upbringing!) and I called to make a meet-and-greet appointment. I made a list of interogating questions. I was going to figure out the catch, the weak points, the vulnerabilities straight up front.
I literally asked 3 questions and turned to my husband and said, "This is where our baby is going to be born." - I JUST KNEW. I knew that for me, given everything I've been through, this was the most respectful, peaceful, kind, compassionate, caring, simple, and non-proding way to give birth to this miracle I've worked my buns off to make.
Fast Forward to 41w5d (yes! Almost the 42 week threshold!): I go into labor on April Fools Day (ha. ha. ha. soooooooooo funny! - well, at least everyone else seemed to think so! LOL). I called at 11am (about 6 hours in), they talked to me (you can tell a lot about how far along labor is by talking to a woman, if she can talk through contractions, if she has to stop and really deal with them, if she's making noise through contractions, etc). I wasn't ready to be seen. I didn't go in until 9pm when I was having pretty intense contractions. I went in, they checked me, I was ZERO. ZERO! Almost totally effaced but ZERO. Not even a fricken fingertip I'm tellin' ya! My cervix was stuck posterior (back) and wedged onto my pubis bone. They reached in there and yanked it forward. Hurt like a mother but let me tell you this - not a single doctor in this world would have done that. They would have put me on Pit (and I can elaborate if you want on my feelings on pit), it would have remained stuck (it was not coming out without manual manipulation), I would have been strapped to a bed, I would have been hysterical in pain, begged for an epi which would have most likely slowed labor down, and I would have been sectioned. Not a doubt in my mind.
So, they pull it forward and send me home. I crawl in the tub, send DH to sleep (its now been like 16 hours of labor and we had no help), and I fall asleep on and off in the tub. I am awoken by REALLY intense contrax. I felt like I just needed to lay on my stomach (yea ridiculous) on the living room floor. I got myself out there and down on the floor and then I was stuck. I was nearly paralyzed by 6 min LONG contrax about 2 mins apart. I screamed for my husband and he came out awefully confused as to why I'm naked, having 6 min LONG contrax, and what the hell happend! LOL
He calls midwife, we go in, this is 4am and I am 6cm (so really, it went fast after getting home ~1030....after they pulled my cervix anterior -forward).
I get to stay!!!!! I told them that if they sent me away I was going to the hospital for drugs - there was NO F*&KING WAY I was going back home. LOL
I jumped into the tub (huge birthing tub) and seriously Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! YES! I had been in the tub at home but it was like a whale trying to fit in a dixie cup. It wasn't working. I had to keep rolling from side to side to get water on both sides of my almost-42-week-whale-belly. That big birthing tub = HEAVEN!
I was Group B Strep + so I got a dose of antibiotics interveinously right when I was in the tub. Took about 10 mins and was no big deal - definitely NOT what I was focusing on.
After about 3 hours they made me come out for about 30 mins (if you're in the water it can slow things down if you're in there too long). It was murder to come out. That water really really really helps! I begged to go back in and they refilled it. I went back in and asked them to check me because at this point I'm telling people they're insane for watching me do this and not helping me! LOL "INSANE" was my favorite word in labor (because it IS insane!). I was falling completely asleep between contrax, I remember feeling my head/nose and mouth slip under the water line and didn't have any energy to pull myself up - my husband had to hold my head above water between contrax.
They checked me and then were whispering to eachother (these were the student midwives) and I yelled at them that they better not whisper about me - just F'ing tell me if I've not progressed! LOL Here, I was fully dilated and one of them wanted to get another dose of antibiotics in me - the other disagreed saying it wouldn't make it in time (I found all of this out later). So they prep for antibiotics and by this time contrax are just on top of eachother. I had the band on my arm and the student midwife (who I am now really best friends with) was trying to get a good hold on my arm to put the needle in for the antibiotics even though she was the one who disagreed about administering - my main midwife told her to try.
The next thing I know I'm saying with a voice that is rising from my toes not to touch me - I let out a sound that isn't human and my daughter comes ROCKETTING out into the water. Student midwife drops antibiotic bag and needle and throws her hand in front of my daughters head as to stop her from richochetting off the tub wall. 1 push and rocketted out in her sack. The water broke on the OUTSIDE. They had to fish her out of the bag.
The placenta came flying out with her and so I had a bit of a hemorage a few mins later (not a big deal). I held her but was so shell shocked I just kept saying "I'm done right? Tell me I'm done". I saw she was a girl (didn't know before hand) and then they gave her to DH because I began to bleed. They pulled me out of the tub (slowly) and onto the bed, shot a dose of Pit in my leg and did some massage on my uterus from the outside. It felt very whirlwindy but it was no big deal. Within 5 mins she was on my chest and nursing.
I only hemoraged because she came so fast and no one knew (I don't even think _I_ knew) she was coming.
I went home 4 hours later after showering, peeing (they need to make sure any swelling has gone down enough where you can pee on your own), and eating. The midwife (main not student) came for a homevisit the next day and the day after. I went back every week until 6 weeks PP.
The only thing I didn't like about my labor and delivery was the driving. That was ATTROCIOUS to sit in a car. Thank goodness it was at night with no traffic because I couldn't have gone in any sort of traffic. That's why it'll be a homebirth this time.
So all of that said - This is what I think about natural labor. I think its nearly impossible to do in most hospitals. They will TELL you "oh yea, just write your birth plan and we'll follow it" but the problem is - no one has a clue who is going to be there with so many shifts, nurses, docs, etc. Furthermore, they run their ship on a "system" and when you check in - you relinquish (whithout MAJOR fights) to that system.
Also, in a hospital, most docs require IV which means you're strapped to a pole and constant fetal monitoring which means you're stuck in bed. Women weren't designed to be giving birth laying flat on their back in a bed. They certainly weren't designed to LABOR that way. Your natural desire to move, sway, bend, etc helps the baby decend and eases discomfort.
Another thing about labor is - its in steps. That HOLY SH!T I CAN'T COPE feeling lasts abotu 15-20 mins max between steps but your body is awesome and it rewards you with massive flows of endorphins. It needs to play catch up between the steps because you're flexing into new stages of labor but your body WILL catch up. Those are the moments you feel like GIVE ME DRUGS. But if you wait it out 20 mins, you'll be back in a space where you can cope because your body is on track with you.
If you do want to attempt a hospital birth au natural I think the best gift you can give yourself and your partner is hiring a doula. Yes, they can be spendy but they're worth their weight in gold. THey're not only an advocate to your desires when you can't speak or are wrapped up in the moment but they're also specialists who've been there, done that, and have a huge "bag of tricks" when it comes to coping techniques, new ideas to try, and a calm voice in the storm of "GIVE ME DRUGS!".
Another gift a doula can give is to help your partner. They're never going to know what this feels like and they are men so they don't communicate like we do, they don't have hte same wiring we do. To be surrounded by another woman in labor who has traveled this path is helpful to your partner and really theraputic to you.
Water is key for me - most hospitals will let you LABOR in a tub but then want you to move to a bed for delivery which is SUCH a joke in my opinion. There was NO moving me during transition (when they want you to move).
I took an awesome natural birth class. I can try to see if I could find some of the material for you. I know that a lot of women who do natural birth elect to use/read/research Bradley Method or Hypnobirthing. Classes are usually available in most metro areas on either.
Feel free to ask anything you want - I'm an open book! I love pregnancy, labor, birth and babies so much, I'm now training to BE a midwife
Wow- What a story! Amazing that you didn't even know she was coming! I'm glad she didn't bonk into the tub wall. Did anyone ever determine why you were bleeding so much at 16 weeks?
I'm pretty sure H would never go for anything but a hospital birth. My hospital is fantastic and supportive and so is my OB. I just love her. She's so open minded with whatever I want. It probably helps that her practice has 4 midwives on staff. The L&D nurse that was with me when I was laboring stayed long after her shift was over to help so I wouldn't have to transition to a new nurse. But...maybe I got lucky with that delivery. KWIM?
It's just that the pain was SO unbearable towards the end before I got my epi that I'm afraid of the pain. Before labor, I had no fear because I didn't know what I was getting into. I had an IV, but I was able to move around freely and the IV was high in my arm, so it didn't bother me at all. I hear you about the 15-20 minutes max part, but in my case, this went on for a little over an hour before I got my epidural. My contractions were on top of each other and I was barely getting a break. Then I started to panic...no good. Sometimes I wonder if it was DD's position since she was sunny side up. I want to try and get this baby into a better position so perhaps it will go better. I'm going to go ahead and ask for PT early this time because my hips gave out on me the last week of pregnancy and took over a year to heal.
I'd absolutely love to read anything you have. I need to get over this fear. Reading helped a lot last time.
Sometimes I wonder if things would have gone better if I'd stayed home longer. The car ride and being at the hospital were excruciating.
Thank you for typing it all out!
So yes, staying home helps. Its your comfort zone and your body does get jarred and slows down when you change environments - especially to a hospital. Your body is smart.
Also, the unbareable pain was probably transition. That's how EVERYONE feels during transition but I promise you, being able to move around, be in water, have the support of a doula = makes it bareable.
Here's an excellent link - I'd read ANYTHING she writes: https://www.inamay.com/
Here's the Bradley Method: https://www.bradleybirth.com/
Here's The Husband Coached Book (although I think a doula is still very necessary): https://www.amazon.com/Husband-Coached-Childbirth-Bradley-Method-Natural/dp/0553375563
Here's hypnobirthing: https://www.hypnobirthing.com/
This is a good message board in general (a lot about natural birth) but here's a good thread: https://www.mothering.com/discussions/archive/index.php/t-141589.html
Here are just some randoms I found looking up natural birth in a hospital: https://www.earthyfamily.com/A-natl-birth.htm
More secular and basic but some info: https://www.associatedcontent.com/article/230523/how_to_make_a_hospital_birth_a_natural.html?cat=52
Some other tips and great links: https://birthing-options.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_have_a_natural_childbirth
I could seriously go on all day.
Oh yes, so when she came out and we were all looking at the placenta, there was this huge lobe that was still growing but only connected through clear membrane (so not providing nutrients to the baby). It was determined that I was experiencing at partial abruption at 16 weeks, it reattached to the wound and kept growing but since at the point of reattachment, it didn't refuse with the rest of the placenta.
It was scary information to learn since I lost a baby at 20w4d due to total abruption (from a very serious fall).
I always felt, in the midwives care, I was in the most competant hands!
Holy cow! That could have been life threatening at 16 weeks even. You could have bled to death right there.
Thanks for all the reading material. I actually read a lot of Ina May before DD. I thought it was transition because I was so nauseated, but I was stalled at 6 cm for an hour or so. Too early for transition, no? I know people say the epidural slows things down, but I got it at 8 cm and progressed very quickly from there. Oh, and I was in the tub, but couldn't get comfortable. It felt good at first, but then I wanted to be on all fours since the pain was in my back. Then I needed to poo, none of which is good in the tub. :P
I've wondered about that since her birth, but I asked my mother and she said with all three of us that the pain was only in her back too. She swears that's normal and is the way it's supposed to be. She had all 3 of us in the late 60s and 70s and refused to be knocked out the way they used to do women at the time. She literally gave birth alone because the staff didn't want to deal with an unmedicated woman. I feel like such a wimp compared to her. lol
I had HORRIFIC back labor. DH pushed on my back the entire time. HARD!
Your experience at the hospital ER is OUTRAGEOUS!!! Horrible!
I think you are right about a hospital probably giving you a c-section. It's what happened to me - I found out after the fact that there were simple things they could have done, things a midwife WOULD have done, that would have prevented my "section". (Saying "section" is a very powerful way to refer to it - gives me shivers!) I have been told by the doctors that ages ago, I might have died in childbirth - that scares the hell out of me, but I still have the desire to try a midwife next time. I think that if I could have done a few simple things (like stay on my knees, for instance) I could have done it. I got all the way to 9 and 3/4cm dialated for goodness sake! Thanks for your great story, and I'm so glad you had a good experience with a midwife! May your next experience be wonderful and beautiful!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!