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January 2011 Moms
Can I bring up something taboo? Depression during pregnancy
Ugghh... I'm not even sure I want to talk about this, but I am hoping I am not the only one in this boat and that there's someone else going through this.
I'm not going to go into major details, but to give you the general idea this past year has been a complete roller coaster for DH and I. Our one year anniversary is on Sunday, and two weeks before our wedding last year we found out that my stepkids were being abandoned by their mother and were moving in with us full time asap. (Let me add, we GLADLY took them in)
Needless to say it has been a rough year. There have been a lot of highs, but DH and I have also had to sacrifice a lot, and I feel our marriage has really taken a hit. We were finally getting to a really good place where everything was settling down, and decided it was time to TTC. Since my BFP I've been very emotional, not about the baby, but about everything and I'm sure the pregnancy hormones are really making things more difficult to manage.
I'm getting to the point where I'm crying nonstop and feel constantly defeated. I'm scared about what the stress is doing to the baby, and I really want to stop feeling this way. I guess I should call my doctor and ask what my options are, but it's very embarrassing to have to admit that in a time when I should be my happiest that I can't even focus on the good things in my life.
I understand that this is probably very embarrassing for others to talk about too, but I can't be the only one going through this. Maybe send me a PM if you have found any ideas or resources related to this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can I bring up something taboo? Depression during pregnancy
First of all: It's not your fault. The hormones jack with our brain chemistry and we can't help it. You can't really buck up and pull yourself up by your bootstraps if your brain is messing with you.
The easiest way to seek help is to call your obgyn and tell them that you feel like you need to talk to someone. They'll be able to refer you (both in the guidance and insurance senses) to a therapist or counselor. You should really do it this way because it'll help your doctor treat you & your baby. If you're truly too embarrassed, try seeing if your insurance plan has any preferred mental health providers.
Good luck! You don't have to go through this alone.
I'm pretty open about my depression issues, usually, so I will be happy to contribute to this discussion. I am on medication for it, and will stay on medication for it. I've found the one antidepressant that has the lowest risk for the baby and while it doesn't work as well as what I was on before, something is better than nothing in my book.
I actually went to the dr. today and asked for a bit higher dosage, because despite being on medication, I too am crying all day every day, feeling overwhelmed, worrying about everything to the last detail and I know that this is not good for my baby. At times I feel like a failure because, like you, I feel like I should be happier during this time than any other time, but all I can do is cry and feel helpless and hopeless. I have always known (since teens) that I would have this problem, and that post-partum depression is most likely a definite for me as well. While the idea is daunting and makes me feel even worse at times, I also know that I have the support and resources to get what help I need when I need it. It is definitely better to ask at this point than to get to the part where I start to feel suicidal.
There is absolutely NO shame in asking for help and/or taking some sort of medication. A lot of women who don't normally have these issues have them while pregnant because of the added hormones. Please know that everything will be okay and that if you ask for help, no one will put you down for it or think less of you for it, and if they do, then they are closed-minded individuals who need to take a closer look at their life and realize that everyone on this planet has to ask for assistance sometimes.
Also, please realize that I don't want to advocate medication for everyone. It is what I know I personally need to make it through the day, but for you, therapy or just talking to an impartial party might be enough.
Good luck to you, and if you ever need to vent or want advice, PM me. I'd be happy to chat!
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
You are not alone. I am totally impressed with you bringing this up. I have a history of depression and even though I have not been feeling it quite as bad, the ups and downs of moods thanks to hormones and general other stress have been REALLY painful.
You should call your doctor if you feel comfortable doing so. In addition are you taking the time to take care of yourself? Do you do anything like yoga or meditation? I find that yoga really improves my outlook for the day--and I would recommend not a video, but a class with a calming and understanding teacher. If you're not into yoga, getting into an environment with soothing and supportive people around I think is the key.
I really hope that you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.
Exactly what Kpmd said...I'm a social worker and I also have personal experience with depression. I've been contemplating going back on anti-depressants too. There's no shame in asking for help, the sooner the better. Take care of yourself and good luck.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more- but I am very open about my stuff, because I have found that sometimes it helps other people to know that others struggle. I have struggled with depression since high school, and I have been in and out of out-patient treatment since. My pregnancy was unplanned- we have been married for two years, have established careers, and own a home- so we aren't totally unprepared. Just wasn't sure if bringing a baby into the world while I am in graduate school and my DH is facing 6 months of training out of state, and pending deployment overseas with the army was the best idea.
I had to stop my anti-depressants cold turkey, which caused me severe withdraw, including very bad depression. My whole first trimester was horrible- my OB wanted me to wait until 2nd trimester to start something for the depression. At one point, my husband called my mom to come down from Ohio and they took me to the ER because I couldn't pull myself together. The hospital recommended intensive outpatient for me (basically taking a two month leave from work to go to the program from 9-4 daily) or to find an outpatient therapist. I have been doing outpatient therapy bi-weekly and now my OB has me re-starting anti-depressants.
It has gotten better- I had to take a break from the bump because it was making me feel worse- like I was a bad mom for not being as excited as everyone. But I am finally feeling happy about this, and I am feeling more like "myself." Hang in there- and share with others what is happening! I sat down the people who are my support system and let them all know that I was struggling, and they have all really rallied around me.
As far as resources, I found very little to deal with depression during pregnancy- most of the stuff talks about post-partum depression. But seeing a therapist has been good for me. It allows me to voice my concerns and have a non-biased party to talk to.
You are most importantly doing the right thing by speaking up. I broke down sobbing at my intake appmnt with the nurse, because i felt so sad, and embaressed for feeling like that. They gave me a list of recommended people to talk to. Maybe your first step is to let your doctor know.
You are certainly not alone!
You're definitely not alone. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD in high school, and it has escalated to severe anxiety and a mild case of OCD in college. I have tried pretty much every antidepressant out there, and I finally found paxil in august 2008 and it has seriously has been the most helpful thing ever. Paxil is on the list of meds you can take while pregnant, but I cut my dosage down from 40mg to 10mg so far.
I completely understand how you feel... I was in my OB's office monday and cried because I still had only gained 3 pounds - my weight hadn't changed in 3 weeks. I even cried reading your post, NJBrit, because I just completely know how you feel. I was so embarrassed in high school to tell anyone I was depressed. I had to stop my anxiety med (xanax) and I can tell, I am so anxious - and let me tell you, road rage is INTENSE now.
I am not saying you have to take meds, but at least start seeing a counselor... just talking will make you feel 10 times better. If you want to talk to me, or have questions, PM me, I'm more than happy to even just let you vent.
Don't feel bad or alone. Depression is pretty common during pregnancy and it sounds like your life is going through some major changes. That's bound to be overwhelming. The thing that worries me is that you say you are crying every day. I would suggest discussing this with your OB. They may want to put you on something or at least want to monitor you carefully. This is especially important when planning for your postpartum. Your depression while pregnant could be a warning sign for significant postpartum depression and its important to get help for that as soon as possible. I would also consider some counseling. You may just need someone to talk to about concerns with all these life changes. I'm sure you feel like you can't be concerned to your husband and maybe just not having an outlet to say, "I'm freaking out because my family is instantly growing from 2 to 6!" is what is really crushing you.
I hope you can get what you need to get through this. Take care of yourself.
Please know you are not alone and depression is nothing to be embarrassed about. Some people get diabetes during pregnany. Some people get depressed. They are both medical conditions, equally deserving of attention and care.
I have a history of depression and anxiety and I struggled with the stimga attached to it. It took me three tries to finally tell my doctor about it. When I finally did, I got the help I needed (through therapy). I regretted not speaking up sooner. I found that trying to hide it and "get over it" on my own likely made it worse.
I haven't had a problem with it in the last few years or with this pregnancy. But I am always aware of the possibility and promised myself that if I ever felt myself "slipping" I would speak up and get the help I needed. I urge you to talk to your doctor. You have been through a lot and pregnancy is a stressfull and emtional time. There is no shame in asking for help.
I just read an interesting article on this in the Daily Mail. Article is here.
It's not as taboo as it once was, and frankly who cares what other people think? You need to do what's best for you and thanks to privacy laws, you're the only one that has to know you're getting help. Get some help, sweetie.
ETA: I'm a depression survivor myself and I still struggle with it so I know what you're saying.
Harper Oksana, born on her due date, January 20, 2011, and the love of my life
Okay first of all, I don't think of depression as taboo OR embarrassing. You have to change those misconceptions before you can start to help yourself! I had antepartum depression with Lyla and it was very tough. I had a lot of breakdowns, a lot of anxiety, a lot of emotional rollercoaster riding, and even vague feelings of "well, if something happens and I lose the baby, maybe it will be for the best". Even though I'd suffered from depression in the past, it was hard to recognize that was what was going on in the moment, partly because I did have many moments of elation and joy mixed in with all the despondence.
I would definitely, definitely recommend talking to your OB to see if they can refer you to a therapist who deals specifically with pre- and post-partum women. If you feel the depression escalating, there are also meds that are safe for pregnancy, but I think therapy would be a good place to start out. Good luck to you... I understand how lonely and frightening it can feel.
Depression should not be embarassing. I have a loved one who suffered for years with severe depression and never told anyone so I hate that there is a stigma attached to it. I wish we would all be open about it all the time.
That being said, my friend said that the worst symptom during her pregnancy last year was a pervasive depression that she couldn't shake.
Don't be afraid to talk to you SO, friends, and doctors to find solutions.
Also, I know it's hot outside, but I really believe that getting adequate sunshine is crucial. Obviously this is not a solution, but I think it can help a tiny bit. Good luck!