I can barely stand my 3 year old :(

adri77 · July 2010

I KNOW it sounds harsh, but i'm being honest. He is soooo beyond difficult right now. He is not sleeping enough, and MISERABLE. Everything is a fight. Tantrums galore. If I have to say no to anything, it is a 20 minute ordeal. He doesn't back down from anything I say. Timeouts backfire. I can't take away his favorite toys b/c they are also his brothers favorite toys. he doesn't care about his postive reinforcement sticker chart. I have a constant headach, shoulder and neckaches. I feel mentally and emotionally depleted. DH isn't home until after the boys are already in bed. I wake up with them at 6:30 and feel sooooo depressed about my day b/c I know I have 14 more hours alone, battling it out with a 3.5 year old.....alone. I looooooove him to peices, but I don't enjoy being around him anymore. I'm burned out. I started looking at part-time jobs yesterday b/c I just want to be happy again, and I'm just not happy parenting him alone all day anymore. Everyone says its a phase and it will pass, but it's been an awful long phase of walking on eggshells all day with him. Not to mention I gotta eek sometime in b/w all of this with him for my 22 month old. I really feel so helpless and alone right now. Guide me!!!!

CleoKitty · July 2010

Oh, that sucks.

My ds was about the same age when I'd suddenly just had it with him. That's when I realized that we needed some time apart and he started preschool.

If you're home alone with him all day is it possible that a little break could do both of you good? Have you considered finding a preschool, mother's day out program or anything like that? You might be amazed at how refreshed and how much more patience you have after a having a breather from each other several times a week for a few hours at a time!

omurray · July 2010

Ditto Cleo

adri77 · July 2010

CleoKitty:

Oh, that sucks.

My ds was about the same age when I'd suddenly just had it with him. That's when I realized that we needed some time apart and he started preschool.

If you're home alone with him all day is it possible that a little break could do both of you good? Have you considered finding a preschool, mother's day out program or anything like that? You might be amazed at how refreshed and how much more patience you have after a having a breather from each other several times a week for a few hours at a time!

You are soooo right! he was in preschool from Sept/09 until May 10, b/c they run on the public school's calender. So now he is on "summer break". It really has been in the past couple of months that I just feel so awful and hopeless about things. I have him signed up for 1 week of camp next week 9-noon. He will start preschool in the fall again, but I was only able to get him in 2x a week. it's better than nothing! What I would really LOVE is to be able to move closer to our families for a little help, but that's not possible.

lilsandra · July 2010

I agree with the previous posters about getting some time away from each other. But, you still need to make it through this week before he goes to camp next week. Can you find a way to eek out some special time for just the two of you? For example, when your 22-month old goes down for a nap or goes to bed at night, spend some extra special time with him playing with playdough, making cookies, etc?

It really doesn't need to be a lot of time, even 30 minutes. I've been doing this lately with my son, and really playing it up like it is going to be the most awesome time ever. "When your sister goes down for a nap, you and I are going to do xyz!" I've been doing this for about one week now after his sister goes down for the night, and our nighttime routine is sooo much easier as a result. Also, our days have seemed a bit easier, too, as I can talk with him about our special time all througout the day.

femmegem · July 2010

Have you read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen? It might not help with all of your issues, but it really helped me learn how to nip some tantrums in the bud by saying things other than what I would normally say.

almostjennifer · July 2010

I'm feeling very frustrated with my 4 yr old right now. So she is in bible school this week! 8am - 11am since Monday and it has done wonders for us both.

adri77 · July 2010

femmegem:
Have you read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen? It might not help with all of your issues, but it really helped me learn how to nip some tantrums in the bud by saying things other than what I would normally say.

Ha, ha, it's on my nightstand, along with The No Cry Discipline Solution....is the basic premise of this book to use empathetic statements with them? I'm trying that as well (without having thoroughly read the book) and it's not working so much either. He gets to the point of no return SO quickly, that he barely hears anything I'm saying. He just escalates sooooo fast when he doesn't get his way.

Kapalua · July 2010

I feel wholly unqualified to reply to this post as my kid is rotten lately and I do not handle it well. However, I will say that getting out of the house helps a lot. Like, going to the park or library or something will turn a screaming day into a decent one.

femmegem · July 2010

adri77:
femmegem:
Have you read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen? It might not help with all of your issues, but it really helped me learn how to nip some tantrums in the bud by saying things other than what I would normally say.

Ha, ha, it's on my nightstand, along with The No Cry Discipline Solution....is the basic premise of this book to use empathetic statements with them? I'm trying that as well (without having thoroughly read the book) and it's not working so much either. He gets to the point of no return SO quickly, that he barely hears anything I'm saying. He just escalates sooooo fast when he doesn't get his way.

Sort of. It's worth a good read. I actually didn't finish it before I had to return it to the library, but the first half has really helped my interactions with A. It's one of those books i'd like to buy just to have around so I can reread it often.

belle204 · July 2010

Amarah is the queen of tantrums. I do do a lot of the empathy and feeling statements .. "I know you feel mad, sad, unhappy, etc" to let her know I hear her or understand. BUT I don't entertain the tantrum. I tell her we can talk when she calms down (or when I do if I'm worked up too) and we can use words. 9 times out of 10 she gets tired of it and will come apologize. Then I *briefly* explain why that was unacceptable and what we *can* do going forward. /// I agree time apart will probably help too but it's still good to get a grasp on the behavior. And definitely offer praise for good behavior. I'm by no means an expert and it doesn't always work but it's what has worked most often. GL.

ridesbuttons · July 2010

I can feel your pain. I went through something similar a while back with my 2.5 year old. I felt like every day was impossible and his poor little 1 year old brother was getting no attention.

My suggestions:

- before anything happens in your day, say during breakfast, talk to your DS and tell him you want to have a good day and a happy day. See if he agrees and tell him what to expect during the day for activities and how you expect him to act.

- find an out of the house activity for the three of you, even if it's going to the park; get him around some kids his age and get yourself around parents with kids his age so you have a social outlet too

- I agree with some sort of preschool or daycare, even a couple of days a week to give you a break and for him to see that the world does not revolve around him; preschool for my DS has been very, very helpful in plenty of ways

Good luck. You are not alone.

Temp108743750006959 · July 2010

we've been tackling things along the lines of praising him if he can control his emotions. so like it's ok to cry -- it's just not ok to cry for 40 minutes bc your vitamin dropped on the carpet.

We've started asking him to take deep breaths -- so silly, I know - but it gives his brain something else to do and he ends up NOT losing TV, etc.

Angela814 · July 2010

That's kind of how I felt about my 4 yo yesterday when she was deliberately being naughty just because she knows I can't chase after her anymore. Made me wish I hadn't kept her out of preschool for the day.

We're going to the zoo today, and I really hope she's better.

I think having some time off with preschool or camp or something is a great idea. We're going to keep Annalise in daycare probably just mornings while I'm on maternity leave. It will give me some time with the new baby, and it will keep me a little saner I hope.

I've heard a ton of recommendations for How to Talk so Kids Will Listen. I may have to go to the library today to get it.

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I can barely stand my 3 year old :(

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