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Helping a toddler understand the loss of a pet

mrsmikeymrsmikey
in Pre-School and Daycare

We are going to have to put our dog down soon.  She has cancer and has recently gotten very sick and I'm sure any day now we'll decide it's just time.  Any suggestions on how to explain this to DS?  We have another dog, if that makes any difference.  I feel like maybe I should prepare him, but I have no idea how to even do that.  We go to church, but he doesn't really understand God and heaven and all that.

ETA:  And we're probably going to bring her home to bury her.  I'm thinking it will be traumatic for DS to witness that right? 

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Re: Helping a toddler understand the loss of a pet

  • JulieandBenJulieandBen member
    I'm sorry about your dog hon. We went through this a year or two back with one of our dogs. We told Jack (and still do when he asks which he still does occasionally) that Sheridan went to heaven to be with God. She is happy and plays with all the other doggies in heaven. He asks if we will see her again and I tell him yes one day long long from now when we go to heaven. They may not understand it yet but I don't really think there is a way to help a child understand the animal is dead.
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  • mrsmikeymrsmikey

    Thanks.  That's probably along the lines of what we'll end up telling him.  I just know it's going to be hard on me to answer his questions and I don't want him to get upset b/c I'm upset.  I also have another question, I'll edit my op.

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  • PeskyPesky member
    I'm so sorry for your impending loss.  I just had to put my cat down in Thanksgiving who was DD's nanny cat.  They were very close.  The key is to keep it brief and simple.  The other key is to recognize your DS will not understand.  They just really don't at that age.  I simply told DD when she asked where he was "Oh, honey, Max died and went to heaven.  That means he can't come back to us anymore."  I would NOT let him witness the burial or even see the body.  First off, you can't predict how traumatic that might be.  Second, do you really want to give him the idea to dig up the dog's body or bury something else?


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  • mrsmikeymrsmikey

    imagePesky:
    I'm so sorry for your impending loss.  I just had to put my cat down in Thanksgiving who was DD's nanny cat.  They were very close.  The key is to keep it brief and simple.  The other key is to recognize your DS will not understand.  They just really don't at that age.  I simply told DD when she asked where he was "Oh, honey, Max died and went to heaven.  That means he can't come back to us anymore."  I would NOT let him witness the burial or even see the body.  First off, you can't predict how traumatic that might be.  Second, do you really want to give him the idea to dig up the dog's body or bury something else?

    Thanks.  And I was thinking the same thing about him witnessing the burial, and the part about him wanting to dig her up too.  I guess whenever we do it, we'll do it during the day while he's in daycare, because I don't want him at the vet with her either.  Then we can bury her before he gets home and it will just be done.  OMG this is so hard! 

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  • momofoliviamomofolivia

    I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.

    we lost my dog a few months back.  It was not unexpected, but I didn't realize when we took him to the vet that he wouldn't be coming home with us alive. :(  So there was no preparation for her.

    DD was there for everything - the goodbye at the vet's office, the burial in our backyard, me sobbing.  She was fine with the burial - she petted him before we put him in and we let her throw some dirt in as well.  She didn't freak and she has never gone to his site.

    Did she get it?  not really.  for the next week or two she would ask where he was and we just said "in heaven."  Or if she mentioned him, we just reminded her that he was in heaven.  I don't know that she remembers him at this point.  He is in some pictures displayed and she looks at me quizzedly when I mention his name.

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  • luvmagoldnluvmagoldn

    We lost our Golden Retriever last summer.  She suddenly fell ill and we took her to the vet a couple of times.  The final day at the vet we realized we should put her down.  So we took Amber home to let the boys say goodbye.  I don't know if they understood but they got to hug her and give her a kiss.  We then took her back to the vet about an hour later - DH and I were both with her when she passed.

    We told the boys that Amber went to heaven and wouldn't be sick anymore. That seemed to satisfy them.  They still ask about Amber and say that they miss her.  

    I don't have any advice on the burial as we didn't bring Amber home.  I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this... 

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  • STP2006STP2006

    We had to put our beloved dog down when my son was 2.5.  There is no easy way, but what we did is to start telling him ahead of time that he was very very sick, and that while most of the time we get better when we get sick, sometimes bodies get so sick and broken that even doctors can't fix them, and then bodies die.  Every time he went to the vet, we told my son that he was very very sick and his body wasn't working. 

    We also checked a bunch of books out of the library about it--"Dog Heaven" and "Goodbye Sheepie" and "I remember" and "Lifetimes" and read them here and there over the 2-3 weeks we had to prepare him.

    When it came time, he didn't go to the vet with us that day, but we did give him a chance to say goodbye--that his friend was dying and wouldn't come home.  We all walked the dog to the park before we went, and he stayed playing in the park while we went.  We didn't bring the body home, but in retrospect I almost wish we would have, because DS never saw him "dead" and instead he had just vanished into midair.  Even so, it went ok--we explained we were sad and he had died, and that he couldn't come back.  He spent several days asking us about him, and now (5 months later), he still tells random strangers who have dogs, "I had a doggie.  He died."  We did talk about dog heaven, but I'm not sure how much he got of that.  We do still talk about being sad.

     One other thing we consciously did--we went to get professional pix taken of DS and our dog before he died as a remembrance.  He still has a pic of the two of them hanging on the wall so he can talk about it if he wants.  

     It's tough--my condolences to you and your family!  

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  • gmugrad9gmugrad9 member

    Our DD understood that our dog lives with jesus.  We still have pictures of him and she will say that is my puppy but he had to go play with jesus but he still looks over me.

    We just lost a grandparent too and I don't know why but DD is able to get that we all go home to jesus when are time here is done so now she just thinks there is a huge house and that our dog and grandfather live in jesus's house and play together.

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