Well meaning friend

Court1 · July 2010

Really got me fired up last weekend. We are close girlfriends & have known each other for over 5 years. She's been like a sister to me at times. She doesn't get this struggle though.

A few glasses of wine into the evening the topic came up. She basically said "you guys are trying WAY too hard. You reall need to relax & it will happen". Said friend is just starting to think about trying for the first child, so she clearly has no experience in TTC.

I tried to explain to her that that's the worst thing you can say to someone in this situation & she still didn't get it.

::::Sigh::: This reaffirms my thinking that I'm better off not talking to anyone IRL about the stuggle. Most that haven't been here just don't understand.

DoingItRight · July 2010

{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}

I hate when people do not understand.

Clerk9 · July 2010

I've had similar conversations with my own mother. I think she's MAYBE starting to kinda sorta understand a teeny bit now that we're at the point of Clomid! I'm sure your friend was well-meaning, but that may just be like adding a single ice cube to the blood-boiling rage of frustration.

At least you have us for support.

KelinandKevin · July 2010

Thats so hard. I am so sorry!

ColindaP · July 2010

Stabby. Stabby. Stabby.

babes12 · July 2010

that is exactly what my one GF says to me all the time. of course she has 3 kids and has had no issues at all w/ getting pg. it happens so easily for her. and she's always saying i just need to stop stressing over it.

What i really want to say back to her, is, step in my shoes for once and see how it feels to lose a son and have a m/c after that and then see if you would still tell me to stop stressing!!! it's not that easy.

nobody understands. Sad and everyone's situations are different but i'm so glad we can come here and express how we feel b/c although our situations are different we've still all experience a loss and have been TTC for a while. it's not easy.

Court1 · July 2010

babes12:

that is exactly what my one GF says to me all the time. of course she has 3 kids and has had no issues at all w/ getting pg. it happens so easily for her. and she's always saying i just need to stop stressing over it.

What i really want to say back to her, is, step in my shoes for once and see how it feels to lose a son and have a m/c after that and then see if you would still tell me to stop stressing!!! it's not that easy.

nobody understands. and everyone's situations are different but i'm so glad we can come here and express how we feel b/c although our situations are different we've still all experience a loss and have been TTC for a while. it's not easy.

Yeah, it's must be easy to say stop stressing when you've never been there! TTC by itself is tough, but after a loss it becomes a really s$itty & frustrating situation. Add to that those of us who've been TTCAL for a while & it mega sucks. :::Vent over:::

ERICA21779 · July 2010

Yuck! I HATE that..............as good as a friend as she is maybe that's a topic to avoid and hope that she never has to find out how sucky that theory is!

EKG · July 2010

Sorry you had to listen to that. I have stopped talking to people about it unless they have been through a loss themselves...it seems like they are the only ones who get it.

rjl07 · July 2010

This comment just makes me insane at this point. If I hear one more time that someone's sister's cousin's neighbor's friend's daughter got pregnant because she went on vacation or stopped trying or had an HSG or was about to start IVF, my head might literally explode.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to be that person that gets pregnant right before IVF, but that won't be the reason I got pregnant. It will be because DH and I are completely unexplained IF so far and we will just finally get lucky with a good egg.

KristysRedBarn · July 2010

I'm sorry. I hate it when people say that, especially when they haven't been through these struggles.

pepomntpat · July 2010

It is unfortunate that she couldn't be sympathetic. It's fine that she doesn't understand, but she should listen when you explain to her how you feel.

butterfly843 · July 2010

((hugs)) I have a friend I went to school with who has had a few losses, but she turns into a total fh whenever she is pregnant. She keeps telling me don't give up this cycle (she can't believe I only put 1 embryo back in, according to her I am meant to have twins). When I never said anything about giving up I am really positive this cycle.

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