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1st Trimester
TheBub
member
anybody else get a weird reaction from their parents?
TheBub
member
We told my parents over the weekend and got very disappointing reactions. Two of the most hurtful comments were...
"I really wish you would have lost a few pounds first."
"What were you thinking?"
These were both within minutes of telling them. Needless to say, I spent Saturday night crying and am still kind of depressed. I don't understand because they love DS. They occasionally babysit (once every 6 weeks or so) or buy him things. We have never asked them for money, although sometimes they give us some or pay for certain things...once again, I have NEVER asked. I feel like we are great parents who were surprised with a sibling for our amazingly sweet son.
They have since said more positive things about the pregnancy and seem excited. I just can't get over how hurtful their initial comments were.
Did anyone else get a disappointing reaction?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: anybody else get a weird reaction from their parents?
Butting in from third tri...
When my husband told his dad,there was dead silence and then "how the hell are you going to afford a baby?"We are not rich,but we aren't completely broke either.But since we aren't rich they don't think we should have been trying to have a baby.They also tell everyone that this was an "oops"baby and we just say it was planned to make it sound better,which is not true.
People are just ridiculous sometimes-It is YOUR baby.If you and your DH and DS are happy that is all that matters!
T1 diabetes diagnosed 11/95 due to severe pancreatic injury
BFP 1 1/22/10 EDD 9/30/10 Adria b. 9/11/10 d.8/9/11, Transposition of the Great Arteries,
Pleural effusion, Kidney Failure
BFP 2 4/26/12 EDD 1/3/13 M/C 5/13/12
BFP 3 10/3/12 EDD 6/17/13 Twins! Preston and Juliet b. 5/22/13
That's downright horrible.
Also, you need to stop accepting money from people like that.
SAHM to two sweet girls, both born at home; Baby #3 in 2013!
My MIL always embraces it but my mother...sheesh. This was her reaction ;How did it happen?' Like I need to draw a diagram :eyeroll: She was referring to the fact that I am still nursing and how could I get pregnant while still nursing! (I hope).
Coming in from 2nd tri..
I did! My FIL gave us a horrible reaction, it was on skype since we live in NC and both our families live in NH. He made a VERY racist comment (I won't even repeat it to anyone because it is that embarrassing), implied that I cheated on my husband to get pregnant because there is no way he would want a child so soon after getting married, and that he is too young to be a grandfather. Since then, it's gotten better but he still says things that get under my skin...I just need to learn to let them go. Good luck!
That is absolutly horrible... my "MIL", well boyfriend's mom pretty much blamed it all on me, but she got it over it quickly.
However, my "best friend" told me since I'm against abortion to give it up for adoption because that's what SHE would do (she's 18, was in my pledge class, and in a horrific relationship with no support from her family in anything) and that my boyfriend was going to leave me because I was going to be fat and not fun. So effing rude.
People need to learn to keep their mouths shut. We're looking for support and understanding, not idiotic a-holes.
Sorry, ended up lomg
Well I can tell you I have had to tell my dearest mother three times and all those three times ended up in m/c. I've yet to tell her, mostly because I'm waiting until the second trimester to tell anybody (after learning my lesson).
The first time I got pregnant I was in the USN and when I told my mother she told me that I had ruined my life and career. I had gotten pregnant and I wasn't married...how dare I! blah blah. It was just a mouthful of "how dare I". Two months later I m/c (on the day of my wedding). My mother told me that it was God's way of telling me that I shouldn't had gotten pregnant and that my marriage was doomed. I got pregnant a month/2 months later I can't really remember. When I told my mother at 8 weeks she told me that I was stupid, trying to get pregnant again. She said that I was going to m/c again and that it was going to be my fault for not waiting and for not finishing my degree off first, or finishing my four years in USN. I separated from the USN due to my pregnancy, two days later (on x-mas day) I m/c. I was heartbroken and ended up severely depressed and my mother tried to be supportive but in the same breath telling me that my husband and I deserved it for not waiting. Our third pregnancy lasted an impressive five weeks...and my mom found out through my sisters and she did the same thing. Only this time she blamed my husband, told him that m/c was going to end up killing me...she was going overboard, getting involved in our marriage. Telling us that we had no business having a baby, we were too young (24). That we weren't financially stable (my husband is in the military). Hubby and I waited half a year before trying again and as you can see I'm at 9 weeks...*sigh* it's been a long, hard ride for us trying to have a baby. With no real support or compassion for my mother. The only person I can turn to is my MIL and you ladies from the Bump
.
So yes, parents can be insensitive but I can tell you...it's your baby, your LO, don't let anybody spoil it for you.
Aww I'm sorry this happened to you
I was nervous to tell my parents b/c I knew they wanted us to have a house first, they wanted us to enjoy our marriage for a while, and also b/c DH is going through crappy custody bs w/ his baby momma...so it wasn't the "best" time to find out I was pregnant. I told my mom first and then had her break the news to my dad to make sure he was "cool" about it...silly, I know. But in the end, they are both fine.
There never seems to be a right time to have a baby. They may be acting weird now for whatever reason, and hopefully their reactions can just be attributed to being worried parents. Once the baby comes, they should be nothing but joyful...and if not, then I'd be really upset.
MIL on the otherhand doesn't seem to give 2 craps that I am pregnant...this is grandbaby #11, but a simple acknowledgment on her end would be nice. I guess I'm not surprised by her lack of interest though. It's always something/someone!!!
Ahhh...yes... My mother's initial comment was, "Well, if that's what you want to do with your life." Followed by, "I had so many hopes and dreams for you. I guess that's over now." Then, "Prepare to get fat, because that's what's about to happen. Say good bye to your body. I don't know why you got pregnant so soon. People are going to talk."
Hubby and I got married 3/20/10, and while we weren't expecting it, we are thrilled, as the rest of the family is. She has tons of things to say like, I'm not allowed to breastfeed. I shouldn't get too excited, buy any books or baby things b/c it's so early and anything could happen.
Thankfully, everyone else is so happy and supportive and they tell me that she will come around soon. One can hope! Hang in there! We are all here for you!
:Coming in from 3rd tri:
I told my father and my step mom they told me that they will raise my daughter till I was stable and able too. My DH and I had seprated and I wasnt sure what to do so I called my DH & told him what was going on he called my father and step mom and told them to leave me alone & that WE can raise a child together and they need to stay the hell out of our relationship... For almost half of my pregnacy(15w till 36w) My step mom will not talk to me... I see it as her loss not mine nor my daughters... My stepmom is not the best person in the entire world, DH got a ticket forgot to pay it and went to jail overnight
she called me and said "how can you have a child with someone that goes to jail' He is 32 and went to jail for 1 night and payed his fine.... She over does things some times...
BTW I am sorry for what your family said to you...
I'm so sorry for everyone's families being so discouraging.
My MIL and FIL (when we told them over the phone) said, "oh. that's nice."
Since then they don't talk about it or ask about my baby. When my sister brought it up, my MIL made a big sigh and left the room without saying a word. They have only said anything about the baby once, and it was in a written letter to my husband, which said that we were financially irresponsible for having a baby now, that I would not be able to go to school or work, and that it wasn't the smartest choice. They don't know anything about our financial situation, so it is totally unjustified for them to say that. And I'm still going to grad-school. I'm starting my program in september, baby due in november.
What hurts about my situation is that they act like they don't care at all about their first grandchild/they wish we weren't having her.
m/c 12/25/09 (5w5d) mm/c D&C 4/9/10 (11w1d) Take home baby 2/22/11
My boobies belong to cour10e
My mom burst into tears she was so happy...and that was actually NOT what I was expecting at all! I thought she might be disapointed because I just started a master's program but she is absolutley thrilled...
We told DH's 2 Aunt's this past weekend and they both reacted like we were making a big mistake...they seriously talked to us like we were 16 and pregnant instead of 27 with a good job, house etc...They kept saying it was "too soon" after we got married( only been married a year, but we dated for 7 years before that!)
I guess you never know how some people will react...people surprise you.
I am really sorry to hear that. My mother is the only one of our parents who doesn't know, and she will have a lot of similar things to say.
My dads reaction was weird to me, he cried and was upset I "got him all emotional as her walked into work".... I never expected my dad to get like that