Please share how you did it.
I don't think i was cut out to be a MoMs.
We only have my BIL/SIL here in town and while they do help us, they have tons going on i feel bad alwasy asking them for help.
I ama not asking for pats on the back i am looking for ideas and how others do it.
My problem is the boys are almost 4 months/2 months adjusted.
J goes to therapy once a week for his torticolis and misshapen head. B's head/torticolis is not as bad so we just do the excerises we learn at home with both boys.
So after each diaper change we do with this thoes two boys, i try to make some time for C. While keeping my oldest DD entertained.
Today the therapist was asking questions about their tracking and reaction to sounds. So ia m trying to think of each and J does nto do this well.
We discuss how she is concerned, as am i. She gives me tips ideas to do to work on this problem.
Well i got in the car and almost burst into tears. I feel like i don't have time to get it all done, therapy excerises, feed, diaper, meds, without ignoring DD, and forget the house/food stuff. I question why god sent these beautoful boys to me, I feel like they are nto getting the attention they need deserve and that i am also being a poor mom to my DD.
So please tell me how you give have time to get all the basic (feed/diaper/bath) and have time for house stuff (make meals/clean/laundry)
If you have other DC please share how you work to not push them aside.
I am just feeling like i cannot do this and the stress of it all is starting to affect my marriage with DH.
Re: If you don't/didn't have help.... (long)
I don't even feel worthy to answer this question only having twins but we too do not have anyone in town. There is not anyone we can call to help out.
The one thing I do is get everything for the day set up the night before. Bottles ready, diapers ready to go, laundry in, etc.
Then when I get up in the morning I try to plan at least one baby activity between each feeding and one "me" thing too. So I will read a story and sweep the floors, feed, tummy time and load the dishwasher, feed, go for a walk and water the garden.
Granted some days, that's impossible too and nothing gets done but it seems like if I have a plan it helps. As far as the stress with DH, this will only make your marriage stronger. We were given the boys for a reason and it will become clear sooner or later!
Is DH much help around the house and with the boys? Is there anyway you two could get away for just a night?
No advice, just *hugs*
Hugs!
Right now, it is a lot to handle but it is only temporary! Just remember that when you think there isn't enough time in the day.
House work and other misc. chores can wait. Maybe during the boys' nap time, give your DD the attention she needs. Also, include her as much as possible with the boys.
Talk to your DH and explain to him how you feel. If you live near family, have someone come over once or twice a week to keep your boys for a few hours so you and DD can have a date or for you to clean.
I don't have any other children other than the boys so it was never an issue for me but I will say that when my boys were still little like that, I would clean at the weirdest times. When I would get up to feed in the middle of the night, I would do laundry or dust or fold clothes when I was done feeding the boys. I know this may not be an option for you but maybe get up an hour before everyone else does and do as much as you can in that hour.
Hang in there! It does get better!
I only have twins and I would not be able to handle them without my mom nearby to help. I am AMAZED that you are handling 3 newborns and a toddler- even if your house is a mess and you feel like you're shorting your DD, it is impressive that you even get up in the morning and keep your 4 children fed, to be honest. That is a lot of stress and responsibility, esp. with the therapy. Give yourself some credit!
I would advise you to join a multiples club. I am a member of the Intown Atlanta Parents of Multiples Club for those inside the perimeter. I know Gwinnett most other areas have clubs as well- they provide support in so many ways (meals, helping with your older kids, advice, etc).
Where in GA are you? I live in Dunwoody (just north of the Atlanta) and I would be more than willing to help you in any way I can. Please don't hesitate to page me here on the multiples board.
(((hugs)))
I can only imagine how difficult it must be. I had a really hard time the first couple of months and didn't have nearly as much to juggle as you do. We had no family near us when the babies were born and had a 2-1/2 year old foster son. The only thing that saved us was putting him in day care. Our friends were great in providing meals the first 2 months. Our foster son left us when the babies were 2 months old. Even with "just" them and managing the house, I felt I was failing. I couldn't even manage to do tummy time most days. Eventually, things calm down and get easier. Like pp said, remind yourself this is just temporary. I would frequently tell myself "all I can do is the best that I can do." This often meant lots went undone
We just moved to Marietta last month. We don't know anyone here. I'd be happy to help and it'd be nice to meet another MoM who's on her own here. Where in Georgia are you?
It just so hard, i remember all the things i did for DD at this age and the bys get not even half that. I know i am hard on myself sometimes but i want to do my best and am not sure what the hell i am doing sometimes.
You ideas and good wishes were sweet thanks!
Tiny teacher, thanks for the advice, i live in Savannah and i tried to join the multiples club here but i think it disbanded
SLM is in Savannah, but I'm in Dunwoody if you'd like to meet up at the mall one day. I would love to meet another MoM!
I also only have twins, but am a SM while DH is away for 6months. Kids are 7m. All my friends are 1000's of miles away or don't have much free time. I buy in bulk when I can. My place looks like a storage warehouse. If you can cook, do so in bulk and freeze. Buy a freezer if needed. My BG spits up when I use filtered H2O so I buy bottled in bulk too. The store attendant can help you. I helped with my friends' kids who have therapy for heads, muscles, etc. and I understand.
Forget housekeeping as long safe & clean. Babies don't need major clothes changing unless accidents happen. Let them wear PJ's all day and don't need bathing every day. Mine love when we wipe down, face, behind ears, hands, fingers, toes, neck. Just keep eye on crevices and under arms.
Disney chanel in the morning is a lifesaver. I try to read GoodNight Moon to them before bed at 7pm. They love it and it tells them bedtime is coming. When people offer to help, take them up on it, and plan for that day to get what you need done. I have never used an offer, was saving it for a major cleaning day and a day to sleep, but will have to use one this week to attend a memorial and funeral. I suggest don't save, use! Any friends with teenagers? or tweeners? They can watch, or even if you are there with them, it helps to have someone help entertain the kids. Same goes if you can setup play dates for DD.
Fisher Price cradle has also been a lifesaver. They sleep better, and I can move it around from room to room. I can stick them at the window to look outside, in lvg rm to watch tv, etc. I found that I can get more sleep by putting them in it at 5am after feeding, and nap on the couch while they watch disney and fall back asleep. I use the infant carriers for the same, but not at 5am, and can put them facing one another. Although they have outgrown it for car use, I use as chairs, but have to strap them in anyway for safety.
Activities, we have a play gym, highchair with lots of toys on the table, swing, jumperoo, kick-n-glider, secure toys in cribs. I call it our Circuit. They do rotating shifts. I'm gonna get a 2nd jumperoo so I can get cleaning done while they are both secure, and exercising. You can make milk ahead of time if needed. Perhaps if you can get all 3 cradled, you can read to all 4 at the same time. If you can find an activity that 3 love, you can spend that free time with DD. Now at/after 4M, it should get easier. At 7m, they are interacting with one another. Yesterday I was wondering when I went into the kitchen, why I did not hear Ma Ma, Ma Ma, from BB. I checked and he was giggling and laughin with BG.
If I can't get them to nap, I use the carrier and BB falls asleep right away. Which gives me quality time with BG. She wakes later than BB, that gives us our quality time, 'cept that I started napping lately. I worried about attention too, but it will all work out. I hug,play,hold one while looking at the other. So when I talk/sing, they both think I am talking to them.
My friend has special time w/ son in the car..while kids sleep, they do McDonalds on the way home from therapy. It's now expected. Or she has a special snack with him and tells him "shhh, this is our secret". He also wakes up early and is allowed to crawl into bed w/mom to snuggle. She keeps small fridge in bedroom, has tea/coffee in there so she won't have to leave the room and risk waking the kids.
Is $ tight? Many communities have a board for free things. You just have to give something away for free to join. Someone was moving and my sis got a free armoire, brand new couch, dining table, etc. We simply asked around and got a deep freezer. What I have learned if anything is.. routine routine routine. It's HARD, but any sense of routine is better than none. I now dread anything that interferes with our routine. Best Wishes.
oh, another thing you can do to keep them occupied while you spend time with DD. My kids never seem too interested in mirrors. But I got one for the crib and another to put on the ground. Still not too interested. We went to a friend's house with mirrored closet doors.. they spent an hour, before we moved them back into the living room, enjoying, staring, giggling, laughing. We went back there today. We let them enjoy the mirror again for another hour before moving them back again. I seriously think I will buy a full length mirror and lay it sideways for them! If it keeps them occupied for an hour or more, that will give me free time to do the things that need to get done! I was thinking that that would be good for you too, to have free time to spend "alone" with DD ! Just gotta make sure it is safe and secure so the 3 can't hurt themselves. And later, by the time they have out grown it and it becomes a safety issue... you can put it in DD's room as a dressing mirror. Little Girl's love mirrors! - to dance and sing and simply look pretty in front of !
It doesn't work for us now, but at that age, I used to play with their dolls and they would watch me. It would actually stop them from crying - just to watch me and enjoy what I was doing. Then, in the end, I would give each one of the dolls I was playing with.. crinkly and teething dolls I call Mr. Lion and Mr. Elephant. And that would make them even more happy. Sophie the Giraffe is also a popular toy that they love. I have 3 of them. And they will still watch me play with the Sofie's, but with Sofie, I can just hand it to them if I wish. Just the mention of her name, and they are all smiles. Perhaps play dolls with DD while entertaining the triplets. One thing I worried about was that language development in multiples is slower because they get "half" the time. And I am trying to make them bi-lingual, which also slows development. (although in the long run, it is good or better for them). So the way I see it, they are even more "hindered", albeit temporarily, when it comes to those skills. So by playing with the dolls, they are both "talked" to and the more birds I can catch with one stone, the better off they are. So I think having actual play conversations with DD and dolls will also benefit the boys.
just sympathy here too... maybe someone suggested (didnt read all the responses) but local MoM groups will sometimes help out! I didn't have help either after the first few weeks but only 2 kids at home... the night before bottle setup was key (and we still continue to do that) but I was still just in survival mode at 4 months with only 2 babies...
I know that we forgot to do DS's neck stretches at diaper changes ALL the time adn we just have the twins so I can't imagine with all you have going on. You sound like you're doing a really amazing job!!!!!!