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1st Trimester
My Mother: Worse than morning sickness
My mother has been getting on my nerves constantly ever since she found out that I'm pregnant. I'm 22 and married yet she's been treating me as if I'm one of the teen parents she works with. She walks around the house huffing and puffing and it's really getting to me. What can I say to her see that my being pregnant is not the end of the world?
Edit: I moved out of my apartment about a month ago because my mother suggested I live with her while my husband is deployed. I pay some of the bills, buy groceries and take care of my mother. I'm a full-time student and work as well.
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Re: My Mother: Worse than morning sickness
you live with her?
Edit: Since you didn't answer...
If you do live with her, do her justice and move out before baby is born. I would be huffing and puffing too if my married 22 year old daughter got pregnant and still planned on living with me. You raise one kid and have to help raise the next generation? I don't think so.
Anyway, if this is not the case and she is just at your house huffing and puffing about you being pregnant, tell her to get a grip and get over it. You are married and plenty old enough to make those kinds of decisions for yourself.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
If you want to show her that you are not a teenager:
1. Get your own place.
2. If you can't get your own place, start pitching in more either financially or with chores around the house.
3. Start making plans for your future. Enroll in school, etc.
You need to show her that you're NOT a kid. You didn't give us a whole lot of info, but living with your parents at 22 (IMO) is not the greatest sign of ready-to-have-a-baby maturity. I was moved out at 19. Granted, some people live at home and go to college, but unless that's the situation....
some mothers have a hard time with the idea that you are not a kid any more and they worry you aren't going to need them and the idea that they are to young to be a grandma. She may just be having a hard time adjusting to the idea. I would talk to her and see what it is that is making her upset and then address that issue like a mature adult, if that don't work then ignore her she will get over it.
lol. But how else does she know big the baby is or it's development?!?!?! They don't just put that stuff in books or on every baby site imaginable, you know.
SAHM to two sweet girls, both born at home; Baby #3 in 2013!
I'm just a lurker from the TTGP board, but I'm 22 and married so if it helps here's my advice:
Actions speak louder than words. Act like an adult, be confident in your own decisions, and don't let your parents influence how you feel about becoming a mother. This is your time to prepare for being a parent - one of the most wonderful and life-changing events in your life, but a huge responsibility.
If you act like a child they will treat you like one. If this was a decision between you and your husband, then her treating you like a child is uncalled for. If there are specific things she is doing or saying to convey to you that she feels like you are like a troubled teen mom, I would (nicely) tell her that she's being hurtful and unfair. However if its just a "feeling" you are getting from her... maybe just give her some time to adjust to the idea. I'm sure she'll be happy to be a grandmother, maybe she's just surprised and needs time.
What does that matter really?
Didn't say anything about it mattering. It's just a question.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
I see. You had to ask if she had two tickers?
I had a similar situation. My mother has MS and until we got a BFP I lived with her (I'm older and am still in school, ugh I know. And I still don't have a "real job" bc no one here is hiring teachers, so...). My mother is very laid back and was very okay and happy for me and SO. I moved out, the two of us moved in so we could do this together. But your mother may be worried that you are going to leave her for this new baby. She may just need you to say I love you and will still do what I can to take care of you. This is all IMO, but maybe just let her know you will still be around.
Are you guys going to find your own place before LO arrives? My mom still comes over and hangs out, she's here now
um...yes. this. when you're still living under her roof and eating her food it's hard to view you as a married adult.
if you don't live with her don't invite her over.
eta: i read that you live with her. won't you need to live where your H is stationed after the baby is born? at least it's short lived, but in all fairness i'm 28 and my mom worries about me having two kids "so young", at 22 she would have probably needed a xanax to get through the first tri with me - lol
It's great that you want to take care of your mother, but you have to take care of yourself. Do not let her stress you out. I was 19 when my first child and my mother thought I was doomed. I'm 26 now, married and expecting my second child and my mother still thinks the same way for some reason.
Just reading some of the comments saddened me. When I created my profile I thought about whether of not to post a pic of myself. I've noticed some of the feedback people of color recieve. It shows that we have a long way to go yet.
It's not blatant racism, but there is a difference in responses.
You aren't going to do very well here. However, by looking at your post number, I'm going to go ahead and say you are a troll.
I'm almost 30 and I know my mom would beg me to live with her if I had a husband that is deployed. She is alone and lonely and would love for me to be around. That being said, she would drive me crazy, just like your mom is driving you crazy. I say either sit down and talk to her about it or make plans to move out. GL!
I don't think ANY of you non-mil women realize that when a husband is deployed for a long period of time, it is %100 normal for the spouse to move in with her parents. It's safer for a woman to live with her parents than alone. This isn't a dependency issue, this is a very normal thing for military wives to do.
OP-- I can understand what you mean. You said you're the only child, well no wonder she's upset! She still considers you her baby (always will). The only thing I can suggest is that you ask your mom questions. Are you an adult? (yes) Are you married and in a stable relationship? (yes) Do you have a job that helps you pay bills and save for a future? (yes) Then, you need to tell her to wake up- you are still her child, but you are not A child.
She needs time to get over it. Let her stew on it. You are not an irresponsible 16yr old with no hope of getting through college with a child and a job. She's not raising your child, you and your DH are.
A LOT of military wives move back home to live with or near family when their DHs are deployed. I don't see what the big deal is about her living with her mom right now.
OP: Ask your mom what her problem is and tell her to knock it off! If you want her to treat you like an adult, you need to be open and honest with her and stand up for yourself. H&H 9 months!
Ah, i see. Well that makes sense. Maybe you should just talk to her and try to figure out why in the world she is acting that way. Maybe she feels overwhelmed because she will be helping you since DH is out of town or maybe she just thinks you are too young. Either way, you are married and an adult and hopefully she warms up to the idea! Good luck!
eep. my mom wants me to move back if/when my husband deploys again too, this is what im afraid of... though by then my baby would be 1 or so. but her thing is "you could live in the addition (uncle's apt attached to parent's house) and you wouldnt have to pay anything and you wouldn't be depriving me of my grandchild, and you could save money" which in theory sounds nice but it would only be a matter of time before she started complaining.
but if your mom is like my mom then her motivation for acting disapointed is because of one of the following things or a combo of them... she wanted you to graduate first, she had you really young and wanted you to enjoy being young, she doesn't know what to do for you with a deployed husband and a growing fetus, so it could be one of those things... but just talk to her.
my advice would be to get an apt close by your mom if possible. im currently in wa and my parents are in ma so it wouldnt have been possible for me to get a decent apt at the WA bah rates, because it doesnt change if you move home during deployments
.
My mother and I aren't speaking right now. However, when we were she kept insisting I wait to have kids... because she isn't ready to be a grandma. Like really, she said that. And because with her job she doesn't have time to spend with him/her.
So, they all have there own issues to work through. Mine was realizeing the decision was for my DH and I to make and not her- its not like we need her help or anything.