Anyone have any friends acting weird? (long vent)

MicheleR96 · July 2010

One of my very good friends (a bridesmaid in my March wedding) is jealous (she told me this) that I am pregnant. When I told her my news, her response was "I'm going to kill Chris (her DH), but congratulations!" This was when I was 5 weeks and I hadn't spoken to her since until this weekend except for a couple NBR texts. Now just for history here - they got married October '09 and her DH has been out of the country for work during most of their married time. Her DH called me on Friday to invite me to a BBQ at their house on Sunday. It's an hour away, but I figured this was a good time to figure out what was going on with us. Well, I went and she did not even acknowledge that I'm pregnant. I don't expect her to make some huge deal, but I'm CLEARLY showing and it just felt so uncomfortable. A couple other friends came and were like "holy belly" and I basically just shushed them cuz I felt so weird. I understand she wants to get pregnant, but is it really a reason for her to be giving me the cold shoulder? She's usually the first person to be so excited over someone being pregnant. I've witnessed her make diaper cakes as gifts for almost strangers! Anyone have any advice???

allobosc · July 2010

I would call her out on it. I went through this kinda crap when I got engaged /married and it is so high school. You are adults and friends, you should be able to communicate as such. Perhaps she has had a m/c she didn't mention to you or other complications, but explain that you don't want to see her jealousy threaten your friendship. She probably needs support with TTC just as you would like support being PG. She's already broached the jealous subject with you, so just take the conversation further to see how you both can repair things.

wmramsel · July 2010

I went through this when DH and I started thinking about getting pregnant. It was so bad that she basically made it clear she didn't want me pregnant at her wedding. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. It was awful.

izzourclue · July 2010

I need to understand her situation a little more to give an opinion. Has she been actively TTC for a long time? Does her or her DH have any IF issues? Is it just that her DH is not ready and she is and you are stuck in the middle? If she is having IF issues, you need to be sensitive and really understanding.

MicheleR96 · July 2010

They have been married for 9 months and they were going to wait for a year after they got married to start TTC. Her DH has only been in the country for the past 2 months and that's when they started TTC. He works overseas and wan't ready to start trying until he found out his best friend was trying. I really din't think there are any fertility issues (that anyone knows of yet) and I'm 99.9% that she hasn't had a m/c (her sister also thinks she's being ridiculous and I'm sure she'd know if there was a loss). If she had a loss or IF issues, I would understand how she's acting. I just think it's a I got married before you so I should be pregnant before you...ridiculous!

kbuns · July 2010

I feel you on the friends being weird. I have lost all of my "best" friends since I got pregnant. I truly do not see any of them anymore and when I called them out and said you only used me for a house to party and couch to sleep on I got the whole well what are we suppose to do now you are pregnant and can't drink and have fun. Just because I'm pregnant does NOT mean I can't have fun. Lets just say this will be noted for the future when they either have wives pregnant or are pregnant themselves! I'm done with most of them!

*kendrick* · July 2010

I think your best strategy is just to talk to her, "Hey ____, I've noticed some weirdness between us about the preganancy. How are you feeling about things?"

It sounds from the little bit your wrote that maybe her marriage doesn't look like what she expected and that might be causing her pain. I had a friend drop out of my life when I shared that were were TTC. It's like she thought my life was sunshine and roses and I couldn't relate to the complicated things in her life (she was divorced within a year). Sadly, my TTC journey was the opposite of sunshine and roses and I wish she would've been willing to stand by me and allowed me to standby her.

Don't assume what is going on or what you should do. Ask her and work it out together. It may mean more intmacy with you two, it may mean a season of being less close before she can that BFF-type person again.

izzourclue · July 2010

MicheleR96:
They have been married for 9 months and they were going to wait for a year after they got married to start TTC. Her DH has only been in the country for the past 2 months and that's when they started TTC. He works overseas and wan't ready to start trying until he found out his best friend was trying. I really din't think there are any fertility issues (that anyone knows of yet) and I'm 99.9% that she hasn't had a m/c (her sister also thinks she's being ridiculous and I'm sure she'd know if there was a loss). If she had a loss or IF issues, I would understand how she's acting. I just think it's a I got married before you so I should be pregnant before you...ridiculous!

Sounds like you are stuck in the middle of some weird argument between her and her H. I would just steer clear and keep communication open via email and text etc... Hopefully she'll realize that taking her marriage troubles out on you is just silly.

MicheleR96 · July 2010

Thanks ladies! I didn't even think about the possibility of any problems with their marriage. Maybe that's it. I'll try talking to her and hopefully it will help. I would hate to lose her as a friend. We've always been so close...we were roommates for 6 years!

stbmittleman · July 2010

Adding in my two cents: I think your friend is being ridiculous. And I say this as someone who was "the friend." I've been ready to TTC for about a year, and DH just got on board with the whole idea in March. DH would always say he wants to save more money, get our finances in order, etc. even though we do very well and are not hurting financially. A couple we are really good friends with got pregnant in September (announced it in November) and I cried and was upset. I know their financial situation and know that we were way better off than them and was upset with DH with the whole 'If they feel they can afford to get pregnant, then why can't we." HOWEVER, I NEVER showed my negative feelings toward our friends. I never told them I was jealous or that I even wanted to TTC. I never told anyone other than DH and my BFF (who knows these friends, but knows them through us, so she wouldn't say anything) that I was upset about it. I put on a big old happy face when we were around said friends.

I think you should try to talk to your friend. If she is still acting this way, it may need to be someone you write off. You shouldn't have to hide your pregnancy or happiness because someone can't suck it up and at least pretend to be happy for you. Good luck.

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